Not only my happiness got shut down- Pt 3

I told one friend about it early. About my pregnancy.. I took her to the pub, took a CocaCola and showed her the test. And she were so happy. But the same with my family I told her she couldn't tell anyone about it. She knew I had problems with... my ex. And she always knew about it I guess. So she were not hard to.. explain why..
She's still a part of my life, she's one of those that stayed. or that I let stay..(?) And I truly love her for being there for me without question it or make it hard for me.

Maybe I'm crazy or maybe I'm not. But I cut out ''everyone'' from my life that knew who my ex were. I didn't and don't want anyone to remind me of him. There's some that know who he is. But they don't consider themselves as his friend and I believe them to be true to me. I had some friends and family that did in fact spy for him on me. So yes, maybe I'm a bit paranoid. Those that still here had some questions in the end of my pregnancy but they understand that I do not want to talk about him, at all. At least not then. I was scared af, was in court, had a special psychologist I saw about the ''stuff'', cuz my lawyer thought I reacted extremely scared for just maybe have shared custody with him.

I'm still extremely scared over if that will happen, cuz I don't want my kid to be suppressed as I was, not in any way. I'm here to keep him safe, not to tell him how to live his life. I'm here to guide him to be a good human. I'm not here to tell him how his hair is supposed to look like, if it gonna be long or short, natural colour or neon blue
. I'm not here to tell him that he must go to the gym or do other activities against his will. I'm not here to tell him what music is ''the best'', and I'm not here to tell him what he should believe in, or what clothes to wear. He's a kid, -yes, but he also have his own life, his own will, his own thoughts and feelings. And that's something I value extremely and have always done.

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