Not only my happiness got shut down- Pt 1

He never wanted ''it''. I told him from the beginning it's a he, that it's a boy that growing inside of me. But he always said ''it'' no matter what I told him.. He told me I wasn't allowed to speak about my pregnancy to anyone. Which made it really hard to live at home at the moment. I only ate at night, or when people wasn't home. I did everything so no one would know about it. And it was not really hard cuz I wasn't big either. I used to stack can food in my room of different kinds, or food bicuits. So if I got hungry under the day I had something to snack on till night came so I could sneak up from my room and eat proper food when everyone was asleep. When I no longer had the energy to keep this ongoing I told my mum about my pregnancy.

I got pregnant in September I think, I'm not 100% sure cuz I was scared at first to know if it was true due to I was scared of my then so called bf(?) and what he would do to me. I went to my sister to make a test with her and I told him that I didn't want him there. But he forced his way there with me. And this was in October or November I think. And yeah, some months I didnt have my period so I were actually not 100% sure that I was or was not pregnant..
I wanted ome sort of support from my family, so I opened up about it, even if I wasn't allowed to speak about it, to my uncle and my grandma. They disliked the whole situvation that I was pregnant and hoped that I stayed with the ''father'' cuz they were ''scared'' that I wouldn't be able to do this on my own. I didn't want them to know everything he had done to me, for them he was still the ''good guy''. And he still is to the society cuz I never did anything about it.. My uncle told me to tell my mum about it or he would do it. And I told him and grandma that no one were allowed to speak about it, cuz the other half were strict that no one would know about my pregnancy. But my uncle didn't listen to me, he gave me a week to tell my mum about it and constantly asked me if I had done it yet the whole week. I don't really remember when this was, but there was thick ice on the lake that I took mum to. We walked on the ice and I heard the ice crack and I got panic and start thinking ''if I go under, we both will die''. So I asked her if we could go back to land.

On land I told her ''I want to show you something, but you cant get angry please?'' ''And you can't talk about it to anyone, -he doesn't want anyone to know''. And she looked at me and said okay, and I gave her my ultrasound on the baby boy. And she were so happy. So so happy And I forced her to not tell anyone. Cuz I was scared of what he would do to me if he knew my mum knew or that she would tell anyone else about it. She agreed to tell no one not even her bf knew about it at first. And I was now able to eat food when she was home at least. We kept it as a secret at home till spring came. Then she told me I have to stop only eat under night or when no one were home. That I needed more food in my body. So she told my little sister and her BF about it, cuz I was to scared to talk about it to anyone.

And gosh, that spring were so hot.. It felt like summer did start in April..