Letter to my self - Pt GlassButterfly 2

You will continue to feel utterly alone the whole pregnancy, cuz you ain't allowed to speak about ''it''. You see other happy people that love to talk about their pregnancies but you will sit quiet about yours and hide. You will be invited to family groups but you wont go there. Your midwife will push you and ask if everything really is okay, and you will lie to her. You want to speak about it to whomever, but you will be to scared.

Your water will break one beautiful summer day. You have your friend over who freaks out and think you're in pain. You will laugh at it and tell him to bring a towel so you can clean up yourself and call mom and then the hospital. Deep down you are freaking out, you think that the absolutely worst will happen when you will give birth. You are out of control scared that you will die at that moment.

You will give birth and survive, but it could be a close call if the doctors didnt stop your bleeding after birth. You had a dream that the boy would be sick. and not long after that they told you he had a blood problem. They took him away to another place where they helped him get better. And he got better fast. He's the smalles baby you ever seen. and it was good he's a summer kid, eles we would need to buy doll clothes for him, haha.

You're super scared his way of thinking and development will be problematic cuz yourself were so depressed and lonely the whole pregnancy. But as he grows you realize he's the absolutely happiest and most wonderful human you ever met. He's the person that's never sad. Never angry, just happy. He feels like summer. Warm, happy, nice and calm. He's a beast at learning stuff. You will be so amazed how fast he learn all the stuff you'll teach him.
Your new friends will be amazed as well how amazing he is.

So you see my glassbutterfly, you have nothing to worry about. Your mental health wont stop you from being an amazing mum or human to others. You will loose a lot, but you will learn so much more. You will learn how you can help other people with troubles. You will learn a lot about yourself. You will loose 97% of all your friends, but you will find other amazing humans that you grow to like, and some will even be count in as your family.