Letter to my self - Pt GlassButterfly 1

Haii 13 year old me. It's older you here. I wanted to make you wiser by telling you your story. You will plan a party soon in a year with a friend. It will be epic. A lot of nice friends, an amazing vibe in the air. You will fool around and make your male friends leave you alone by romantically kiss your female friend in the kitchen on the table. Your brother is there and will walk up to you and ask you ''what the fuck are you doing?'', you will laugh and say you having fun. Your other friend will drag you to a room telling you to not fall for one specific guy on the party cuz he's just after ''that one thing''. You wont listen to her. You will fall for that guy. You will do anything to be his. You will do unspeakable things to have him stay in your life. Things that will destroy your life. And you wont care, cuz you're to scared to leave him, cuz he use your mental health as poison. And you will ''gladly'' drink it for him to be happy and alive. He will cut off your friends from you, tell you sweet lies. You will get an alcohol addiction cuz that's the only way you cope with the bad feelings your relationship gives you. Later on you will start trying drugs with him cuz you want to understand why he like it so much. You will never get addicted to that, cuz you never understood the thing with it. So stay stroong. Cuz there will come good after all the pain you will feel. But you will get to the bottom, where you're ready to take your life. To get rid of all the suffering you have to take for him to make sure he's happy. Cuz his happiness will cost your own.

You will get older, get tired of all the bs this relationship brings. You will decide to make a change after 4.5 year with the relationship. You decide to stop using drugs, stop to smoke, stop drinking alcohol. In one and the same day, you decided to stop with everything and actually make it to the better, and you will. You will try to get a work. And you get a work. Your period is late. later than normally, but you know that with the mental health the period can be later or not come att all. So you keep working. Then you start to think a bit more. You will do a pregnancy test. And it will show positive. And it's the best and one of the worst day of your life. Cuz you will be terrified of what your boyfriend will do to you. He will complain the whole pregnancy about it, he will try to do everything to break you.
Unfortunately, he will succeed. You will feel hopeless, lonely, afraid and never safe. You will get paranoid, scared.

You decided to change work cuz you feel it's boring where you are. You will work with animals for the rest of the pregnancy. You will wake up every morning with panic, screams and cries. But you will keep your face clean for work. And after work you go home again and restart the morning process. You will lay up late till you fade out of exhaustion. You will think you're going crazy. But stay strong my little glass butterfly. You will be stronger than ever after all the pain.

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