First apartment

I was truly terrified to move to my first apartment. I wanted to live with my mom when I finally had got a good relationship to her. But I knew that with my son coming, the space wouldn't be enough for everyone to live under one roof. I didn't believe I could survive on my own. I didn't believe I would be a good mom. I thought that my mental health would take my son away from me. I thought that his biologial other half would take him away from me. I have a hand full of people that actually know who my son's other biological half is. Most people that ask who he is, Im just saying it's not worth knowing cuz no one know how he is anyway.

Like I said in my past uploads he told me that I would never be able to live a life without him. And that still rules my daily life. It's horrible how some words can damage a person for so many years.
Eveyday I stand in my apartment and thinking ''what can I do today to be a good person so he have nothing to complain about''. And those days Im to tired to move from bed cuz I have a really bad PTSD day, I can just imagine how much he would enjoy beating me with words over how bad I am thats to tired to move, or do anything...-responsible(?)..

I think most people are happy to move out from their parent(s). But I wasn't. I was scared af. But I had the most amazing first apartment I could ever ask for. I lived in one of the most beautiful places in my home town. I had a 10 min walk to the beach. And we had a beautiful fruit park just around the corner of the building. You know with plum trees, apples, cherries, there were also berry bushes like raspberries and blackberry bushes and more! And just 10 mins drive away we had the farmers place where they grew other stuff like corn, tomatoes, strawberries and a lot of different herbs. And you could come to them with our own basket and pick what ever you wanted and then pay for it. It was an amazing place. I could hear the ocean from my balcony and even smell the sea salt in the air. Me and Lillknodden planted some stuff on the balcony but as babies are, he digged them up again, haha. I really miss that place... Some good memories, but there's a majority of bad..

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