Honestly, after traveling for so many years and being away from Norway I am really struggling to find myself here. I just feel like I am walking around in a bubble that I cannot get out of. I don't know if there is something wrong with me, or that I just don't have anything in common with people here. Because I know that every time I travel, I always make friends and stay in contact with them when I am not there anymore, but here- in Norway, in my home country. There is no calls, texts or someone who is trying to hang out, I don't get invited to places and I often have to invite myself if I even know about something happening. I don't know why people don't reach out of what I have done. I always hear that I am so open minded, responsible, kind and caring towards everyone, but I know we live in a world with a lot of fake people- and I also know I got them around me. So maybe its better off this way? Better off that i just stick to myself, and do me, and not have flakey people around me? I just really wish there was an app liker tinder to find friends. There is nothing like a best friend with the same interests as you! Someone you can count on, laugh with and tell your deepest secrets to without getting judged.
I feel like all everyone do in December or even starting as early as in November is talking about all the Christmas gifts they need to buy ( which means they will probably get a lot of Christmas gifts back) and all the preparations they need to do! Not to mention all the get- togethers they are going to have with their family and friends during this festive season! And honestly, I am happy for them, but I just wish people could understand and think twice before they speak sometimes. There are a lot of people who isn't as excited for Christmas as you might be. Why?! Christmas is all about happiness and laughter. A lot of people has lost their loved ones around this time of the year, or is about too, someone has no family and will spend it all alone, it is their first Christmas without both of their parents together or maybe they just don't have enough money to buy everything that is expected as a parent; Christmas food and lots of gifts for their kids, just because "everybody else" is talking about what they got the first day after the holidays at school. As a parent you don't want them to be bullied because they didn't get anything "cool". Some even go on vacation to the Caribbean islands!! Speaking of myself, I had the best family growing up; we never had any issues or problems with money, gifts or getting the family together! But after I turned 20 I have just realized that Christmas isn't the same anymore. There are less gifts, and less people meeting up at the Christmas Dinners because they all have a new family now, and need to split their time in between both families. The families are getting smaller, and the Christmas vibes are just not there anymore. At least not for me! I feel like Christmas is forced this year, and I hate the thought of it. I´d much rather it be over already..
Regardless of how I feel, I wish you all a beautiful Christmas and a Happy New Years 🎅✨
"Share your weaknesses. Share your hard moments. Share your real side. It'll either scare away every fake person in your life or it will inspire them to finally let go of that mirage called "perfection," which will open the doors to the most important relationships you'll ever be a part of.”
A lot of you might be shocked by this post, but I have to get it out. I am done trying to pretend. A lot of you guys always texts me and tells me how lucky I am to know people all around the world, and I am agree. I totally do! One of my very very good friends lives across the globe, which is very sad. But what makes me so lucky to have friends all around the world, when the county I live in now- I feel as lonely as never .. I feel lonely in company of others, because I know the people I used to hang with were just fake, and I don't need that anymore. That is why so many people haven't heard from me, because I am done hanging out with people trying to pretend.
I know that the lifestyle I have chosen doesn't make it easy for people to understand, and know what to talk to me about. I am a human after all, life, love, travels, food???? I know who has always been there for her friends when they needed it. Either it was a 2 am phone call, a late night drive just to make them feel better or just tons of inspiring messages to their phones until they finally realized that things weren't as bad. One thing I know for sure about myself, is that I am a person who wants to see everyone succeed, and who is always there for someone. I don't know what I did wrong in life to deserve to have all these "pretending to my friends" in my life.
It is sad that I have so much to give, but no one to share it with. I go out let's say once a month, and when I do, I see a lot of people I know, and that is so nice, and they are all like " Are you in Norway?" So I can understand that it cannot always be easy to know where I am, but how about asking and including anyways? I don´t know how many times I hear about things, and have to invite myself to come. It feels sad having to invite myself to places. To not have anyone to hang out with, call or just watch a movie with. I can go weeks without getting a single message on my phone. UNLESS I am the one sending one out. What kind of life is that? That is what I call lonely. And that's what I am.
I am tired of pretending, pretending to be happy, pretending to have something to do, and pretending to have good friends. I can count one or two people max that I can rely on, but even with them, I have to be the one sending out messages. But that's ok, because I know they truly care.
I just wish for ones that someone actually wanted to be my friend, my true friend and actually care for me, and not run away when things are hard. Because that's what a lot of you did, and I don't need that in my life ..