I've realised that I've been getting a lot of new readers lately and a lot of people have asked me about my life so I've decided to make a post about my life with Noah and an update on my life right now. So I guess it all started back in 2015 when I moved to the Sunshine Coast, Australia with one of my best friends, Bea. We got an apartment together with a German girl, and I started studying Creative Writing at the university close by. Bea and I lived together for about half a year and we had several roommates that come and went, but Bea and I really lived. It was all fun and games, and school was going great and we were having the time of our lives.
As time was ticking by, Bea's visa was running out and suddenly I was desperate for two new roommates. With my luck, Laityn (Noah's dad) and his brother found my ad on a website and moved in straight away, even two weeks before Bea had to leave the country. We all got to know each other well and enjoyed each others company. They had many friends who started coming over, and stayed, which was not a problem at first... but eventually, Bea and I sort of felt like parents, bossing people around in our own home. Laityn and I got very close, very fast, and I do like calling it love at first site. However, I was embarrassed about it at first. After Bea left, Laityn was basically my escape from all the nonsense and many house parties that my roommates hosted. We would lock ourselves in my room and get drunk together, and talk about all sorts of things. As Laityn and I grew closer, our other housemates grew more comfortable around us and suddenly it got so out of hand that we were asked to move out of the building. Laityn, his brother, myself and a couple of other people found a house together that we moved into with time. But as time was passing by, we as housemates stopped getting along as well as we used to, and I started to feel low. I was always waking up feeling nauseous and fatigue. I could spend a whole day in bed and still be extremely tired. I was sick at all times, and my concentration lowered that I had lost almost all motivation in school. Every time I went, I felt as if I were about to die, my whole body was not functioning almost. Laityn started getting concerned for me and asked me repeatedly to go see a doctor. One day as Laityn was out at sea for work, I took a pregnancy test that ended up being positive. By this time our roommates had invited untrustworthy people and drugs into our home, and I decided not to stick around that sort of disrespect, so Laityn and I moved out.
For a couple of months after that, it was just Laityn and myself. Moving from house to house, place to place. Trying to decide what to do. We ordinarily talked about an abortion, but when it came down to it, I just could not go through with it (THANK YOU GOD that I didn't). I started to feel better physically but it was hands down the hardest time of my life. I was so ashamed of myself and was feeling so out of place that I couldn't think straight. It was horrible, and it couldn't have been easy for my poor baby either, feeling all that pain within me, but I loved Laityn more than I ever had loved before, and I wanted more than anything to believe him when he told me that everything was going to be ok. But it never was, and time was running out. By the end of it, I just wanted to cry to my mum. One day I realised that I had to stop living on hope, and be realistic, I imagined raising a child in an unknown culture completely alone without anyone experienced to help me, only Laityn. We were not ready for that, I wasn't ready for that, and I worried that it was not going to work out for my baby, so I made the decision to leave my boyfriend behind and return home to Sweden where I could get the help and support that I needed. I asked Laityn to come with me, but I knew it was a long shot and he decided to stay and make it work for us so that we could come back and live as a family. Leaving was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I spent weeks crying myself to sleep because I missed my boyfriend so much. It felt like there was an actual hole in my heart that only he could fill, but it got easier with time, and I thank god every single day that I took that step. Who knows how it all would've turned out otherwise.
I was so sad during my pregnancy. By the time I got back to Sweden, I was physically in pain again. I had extreme pelvic pains, bad heartburn, cracked ribs and it was so hard to just get up in the morning. Even harder without the man I loved by my side. But all my friends and family supported me to 100% and it felt amazing after feeling the lack of support for so long. The first couple of doctor visits went well, but about a month before my little beanie was born, I went in for an emergency ultrasound due to weird positioning of the baby. They told me that could happen during stressful pregnancies and that I'd have to be extra aware of any movement but return the next day to make sure, the baby was positioned correctly again. Thank god it was when I came back. My friends threw me a beautiful baby shower shortly after where his gender was also revealed. After watching the movie The Notebook, the name Noah just clicked within me, and Laityn and I both decided on that name. And not long after that, was my incredible son born on the 31st of March, 2016. A human so perfect, I couldn't even believe my eyes when I first saw him.
He looked like a Noah straight away and I loved him from his very first breath. The first few days were fine. Noah was peaceful and slept most of the time, and I loved watching him sleep, but shortly after, I got really sick. I lost my appetite completely, and I had an intense pain in my uterus and even in my stitches, I had 40 degrees fever and could hardly even walk. It took 14 days, and then I woke up one morning feeling much better. I had my mother around then, helping me out, but she left again once I started feeling myself. I loved being Noah's mother from day one, and every single little movement he made was a milestone. But as I grew closer to my baby, I grew further away from my boyfriend. He held a resentment over me for leaving, and was sadly not very nice to me and I was desperate for his attention. I tried for a long time to get Laityn to come and visit us, see how we have it, where I come from and how my life is. After a while we agreed that Noah and I would come to Laityn, so I started saving money and everything suddenly got a lot better between us. Noah and I flew off to Singapore, and then Australia to his father when Noah was over 5 months old.
Noah and his dad got along great, and so did Laityn and I for the most part, but things were absolutely not the same as they used to be. We lived in a trailer by his mothers house which worked fine then when Noah was still little, but that would not work out today. It was great getting to know Laityn's mom, and his younger brothers, and we spent as much time with them as we possibly could so that Noah could get to know his family on his father's side to. I cooked us dinner every night and tried keeping ourselves entertained for each and every day. Most of the days were extremely hot, but that never bothered me. We stayed for almost three months. Laityn was wonderful with Noah but he'd gotten angrier, and at times, unbearable to be around. But it was lovely living as a family, just how we wanted it. It was almost as if we didn't care that our home was small, just as long as we were together. Laityn worked some days so I would take Noah to the beach or the park. We returned back to Sweden just before Christmas.
We spent Christmas in Sweden with my parents, and grandparents, and then we flew to Switzerland with my sister to visit my mum and dad for New Years. It was a big change to go from 40 degrees heat, to minus degrees but we still enjoyed ourselves. As time went by, I started working a bit with selling Omega 3, and I became an influencer on instagram, love it! Noah grew bigger by the minute it seemed like and everything was going great for Laityn and I at the start. But then, just like that, we crumbled again. Again, I asked him time after time to come visit us, and he has still not been willing to. We started to get nastier with the way we spoke to each other and just about a month after Noah's first birthday, we broke up. It was an awful weekend where I felt absolutely worthless. I was broken. But I then decided to pick myself up, dust myself off, and take care of myself. Which I have. Noah is starting daycare in a couple of weeks, and I am going to start working with a more stable job at the same time as I do everything else. Laityn and I are starting to become civil with one another again, and he is flying us over to celebrate Christmas with him this year. Hopefully, for Noah's sake, we will be able to be friends again :)
Noah and me a couple of weeks again, my everything <3