I can't even put down in words how I feel. To have experience microaggression and racism all my life, I truly didn't believe I would live to see the world change the way it is right now.
I haven't posted anything for a few reasons.
I did something pretty on brand for me, and regressed in my mental/physical health journey. I started overeating again, dismissing exercise, and evidently stopped writing. I won't be so harsh with myself this time, as this occurred for multiple reasons. My patient's health is declining rapidly, and I don't know, something about seeing a person undergo the death process so drawn out is out of this world. I have never experienced anything like it, but I am grateful to have my patient's family there, loving on the patient. The next reason is the uprising that has occurred. George Floyds death was just the tip of the iceberg, but that iceberg overturned and people are mad. The country is mad. I am also grateful to be here in the midst of it, fighting along for my right and every other black person's right to live a JUST life! no more will we tolerate the oppression. We're done. While it's great to see not only America stand up against its leaders, but also the world in solidarity, it is a lot of info and emotions to process everyday for the past 5-6 days. I have constantly been on social media for updates, and I try to take a pause from it for my own mental health, but I can't look away. The videos of the world coming together makes my heart so happy, but there are also the videos of the police STILL beating and hurting these people and it breaks my heart all over again.
I never really resort to alcohol, as I don't really like the taste, but tonight and nights like this require some alcohol to calm me down. My heart is breaking. My people are dying out here. I pray that this jump starts long due change, and that it doesn't just get forgotten after a few days.