With my 5:30 AM alarm going off, I woke up feeling unmotivated. I sat and stared at my ceiling for a minute or two and reflected on how I was allowing my self doubt and fears hinder my journey to a better quality of life. With those thoughts stirring around in my head, I got my butt off of the bed and changed into my running clothes. I found that setting out my exercise clothes the night before helped with the initial push I know I need in the beginning. I know that once I’ve built back my habit of working out in the mornings, it will become easier to at least get out of bed, even on days I don’t feel like exercising. It was a short run, just shy of 3 miles around campus but I felt like I was on top of the world. I was falling in love with exercising again. I got back, showered and got ready for work. I had my usual morning coffee, but this time I tried a new oat milk creamer. Honestly, I did not think I was going to like it, but it was absolutely delicious. Work was good, and I got off at noon.
With my new found motivation, I FINALLY brought my car in for an oil change, and after that I went to the shoe store and got new running shoes. My old pair have been with me for 5 years, so it was long overdue for a change.
The rest of my day was pretty chill, but I started to feel restless. I have been feeling this uneasy restlessness for weeks, but it wasn’t until today I decided to do something about it. I went for an hour walk around campus, and took some pictures of the flowers on the way. There were two things found myself thinking during the walk...
1. I absolutely love my campus. I know A&M doesn’t have the most interesting architecture per day, but I find a comforting beauty displayed by those buildings. It might be because I’ve made so many memories here, either way this place truly feels like home. And it’s almost like I never got to digest the feeling surrounding the campus until now, with COVID-19. I do regret not taking more moments to stop and reflect on how amazing this place is. Always walking hurriedly from class to class, never truly seeing the campus, except for a blurred mass of buildings. I don’t want to lose this feeling when school starts again in the fall.
2. For a while, I have felt such a pull to continue my photography, but I have been unable to since I sold my camera last year to pay for rent. But taking pictures today, albeit with my phone, exploring different angles and lighting made me realize how deep my longing really was. I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford another camera, but I pray to God it’s soon.
With all the good things that happened today, there were definitely some discouraging things that happened. For the past couple of days, my computer has been acting up, but today it got worse. To the point were the computer won’t even start. With only a couple of days before my summer class starts, I’m trying not to stress too much. But it’s hard, especially because I’m in no place to afford another one. We'll see what happens, but I know it will work out in the end. It always does.