Have you ever found yourself trying to do the right thing and finding it just doesn't seem to work? Whether that be the right thing by yourself or by other people; it just doesn't seem to make anything better?
That's how I feel right now.
I currently live my partner Anthony and our 4 month old daughter Isabella. We have our own 2 bedroom flat, renting from our local council. Anthony works full time as a mechanical engineer and is in the 3rd year of his apprenticeship, I am currently on maternity leave... and that is where the dilemma comes in.
As Anthony is only on an apprenticeship he earns just under minimum wage which in the UK minimum wage is £7.05 an hour and as I am on maternity leave and was on an apprenticeship before I got pregnant; I am entitled to a measly amount every 2 weeks. The money I get doesn't even cover the half of my bills that I pay so I am always in my overdraft... bad, I know.
The dilemma here is that if Anthony moved back home with his parents until we were both better financially; I would be better off as I would get help with my rent and bills and the measly money I did receive would go a lot further than it does now. My bills would be cut majorly which means I would have more money to buy our daughter the things she needs and I could afford to take her places. I currently don't drive which means I need public transport. Anthony drives, but we are struggling to afford his car insurance because the money is so tight and selling the car is not an option because he needs i it for work. The problem is if he didn't live with me he would have to move back home and wouldn't see Isabella as often which really doesn't seem fair.
I love Anthony living with me. I love the fact we are a proper family and we are doing right by Isabella because she has both her parents at home with her (see what I mean about doing the right thing? It sucks sometimes) and on weekends we take her everywhere we can in the car but it costs a fortune in petrol and doing activities which then leaves us short on money which depresses us both.
Since moving in together our relationship has turned sour. There are lots of arguments- mainly about money and this then isn't fair on Isabella as she has to be a witness to us not talking or arguing. That isn't fair. A lot of people have told me to just tell Anthony to move out for now, until we figure things out, but that means he wouldn't see Isabella as much which kills me to think about. He adores her and I know he would be gutted. Another question I ask myself is if it is fair that he sees his daughter less so that we have more money.
Why don't you go back to work, I hear you ask. You see, if I went back to work I would be going back on part time office hours on the minimum apprenticeship wage which is £3.50. If I worked 20 hours a week or 25 hours a week on £3.50 an hour and then you minus off the nursery fees which are extortionate; I would be scraping by just like I am now. Not only that, Isabella is my first born (and possibly my last as Anthony is adamant he does not want any more kids) and as my first born there are lots of 'first moments' I don't want to miss. Her first word, her first steps, the first time she stands up or even sits up as she isn't doing that yet; these are the important things that I would miss if I worked during the day,
That leaves one option- working nights. Let me just give you a quick insight as to what that would be like. Anthony would get home at half 5 in the evening, we would have a quick tea, I would kiss them both goodbye and I would go to work. I would work until all hours of the next morning, baring in mind I am up at 7am giving Isabella her breakfast and sometimes I am up with her from 5am as she usually wakes up then. If I finished at 4am for example, by the time I have got home Isabella would be awake and then I wouldn't get a chance to get some sleep. You can imagine how that is so not a good idea. Working nights would mean I would get home and maybe get an hours nap if I was lucky and then I would be up all day with Isabella. And the cycle repeats.
So to sum it up; I go to work during the day and have to pay extortionate nursery fees that leave me scraping by to pay the rest of my bills and I miss out on the most important developments in Isabella's life. I work nights and get no sleep and basically become a zombie, Anthony moves out and he sees his child less so we have more money OR we continue to struggle and hope a miracle happens and continue to live in debt so that Isabella gets to live with both mummy and daddy which is the right thing to do, but she also has to live with us arguing and not having money to do anything; which isn't the right thing to do.
When I figure out how the hell I am meant to do the right thing by everybody in this situation- I will be sure to let you know. In the meantime - HELP!!!