Beautiful. What does this word exactly mean? I mean how many girls(or boys, I’m not gone lie I think there are also boys) are sitting in there beds wondering if they are beautiful? I think a lot, especially since there is social media. I mean am I the ‘perfect girl’ ? Am I skinny enough ? But also got a big booty? Do I got boobs? Do boys like how I look like ? These are some questions I asked myself a lot. One reason is cause I never liked how i look, so my first thought was: even I don’t like how I look how can other people like it? ( but know I don’t give a big fuck about it, just a little one cause I’m still insecure). The second reason is the fact that my first kiss was just about 3 weeks ago and I’m not a shy girl, I got the biggest confidence when i’m with new people so that’s not the reason. And I nearly go to party’s every weekend so I’m also not the typ of person who stays at home and not even got the chance to make out with a guy. The first thing I got in mind was: Guys don’t like how I look or my body or maybe just my skin colour ( I’m black). And after 3 of my best friends got their first kiss I wanted it so badly, I always looked for people who maybe could like me and I like them but sad story I never found somebody ( they all looked ugly af lol) but their was nobody who tries to flirt with oder sth like that. So after I don’t know 6 months or sth I was so sad and wasted i cried so much i was just like : nobody likes me , nobody thinks I’m pretty and shit like that. I almost cried every week after every party. One day I remember really good, the party was ok but there was one guy who was wearing shoes from puma designed by The Weeknd ( XOTWOD) and I talked to him like oh you know the man who created this shoes and he was just like no I don’t. After we talked and shit he asked me for my instagram I gave it to him and yeah. My thought was : omg did this just happend like sb likes me ?????
But nah bro, I’m not gonna lie one hour later he talked to one of my closest friend and did the same thing . This night was so hard for me I just started crying after everybody left , I don’t like it that this shit hit me so badly I’m not even joking.
Then one day bevor New Years Eve after so many coincidences, it’s not even funny there were so many, I met a guy who seemed like a fuckboy at first. But then he seemed so interesting so yeah I gave him my phone number(he‘s like 21 that‘s the only problem ) and since that we wrote a lot and maked out 2 times but now i‘m not sure if I want to hold the contact or just let him down. We will see what God has in mind.
The thing I want to say is, your time will come. It doesn’t matter if you don’t get every boy or aren’t as beautiful as other people. The only thing that really matters is that you have fun with your friends and love your life cause as you know: life is short so do every thing you want.
xxx TMG