THAT THING CALLED MOTHERHOOD

As I’m lying in bed trying to drift off, I’ve had a few thoughts on motherhood. Maybe you will read this, maybe you won’t, but I definitely feel better just getting it off my chest.

Motherhood is a multitude of feelings all at once. Being a full time working mama, I regularly find myself unable to fall asleep at night because my head is just a mixture of emotions. Thoughts I’ve had throughout the day (most recently that I’m a part time mum and I HATE that), plus future anxieties generally mix together and it can be overwhelming at times. What I’ve learned so far in my journey of motherhood is that no one ever prepares you for what you’re about to experience...

  • It’s anxiety over EVERYTHING.
  • It’s the constant worry that you’re not enough.
  • It’s the inability to sleep at night because your brain is imagining scenarios where you can’t protect your baby.
  • It’s the worry that maybe, one day, they won’t need you anymore.
  • It’s the constant guilt over wishing for more time to just be you pre-baby.
  • It’s the realisation that you’ll never be “you” pre-baby ever again.
  • It’s crying yourself to sleep at night wishing that you would just win the lotto so that you can be at home with them all day.
  • It’s the heartbreak of worrying that you’re missing out when you’re at work.
  • It’s the guilt of also sometimes wanting to work so that you can have some mental stimulation.
  • It’s the worry that you won’t be their #1 person anymore, and that a childminder or other family member will take that place.
  • It’s the worry that you’re missing too much and won’t know them as well as you used to on maternity leave.
  • It’s letting them sleep on you just that little bit longer at bedtime because you haven’t seen them all day and you want to soak it all up.
  • It’s the realisation that your one purpose in life is to make sure this little babe knows how loved and special they are, at all costs.

Motherhood is the most exhausting, draining and rough role that any of us will ever take on. But it’s also the one that fills our hearts and souls with so much love that we fear it might explode.

So here’s to you, mama, because you might not always know it and people might not always tell you, but you’re doing the best job in the world.

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