So, several months after separating from my husband. One intense love affair which went down in flames (not my choice btw) Another rekindling of a flame from long ago, but my the passion for him on my side was no longer there. And yes, even a fling with a man much younger than I....a fantasy come true, and I found out I CAN have sex without love and enjoy it, but it's not my preference. So, I sit here alone, on a Saturday night, the night of the biggest full moon EVER. It is cloudy, but a beautiful warm evening and I sit here on my back porch listening to Pandora Radio, with Lauryn Hill as the station. I am happy. Six months ago, I would have been lonely. I would have frantically texted, emailed, facebooked anyone I could think of to NOT feel lonely. But, I don't need to do that anymore.
Being with myself is enough. Knowing that the love I want is inside of me, not outside. I can just give out love, non conditional, but with boundaries. By freeing myself to give love and not be needy about it, I find myself OK with being alone on a Saturday night. Ok with just sitting here, enjoying the evening, the music and solitude.
It was a long time coming, this feeling. It was a painful transition from being lost to maybe just maybe, finding myself again. I hope this feeling lasts. It is liberating. I hope you find it too, all you ladies out there who I know are just like me. Searching for someone to fill that space, when that someone is you. Take heart, and know that to be true, and the love you seek will be present, always.