... Even if they are taking an awful a lot of time to come.
"I am lonely." Three such strong words. When I realised that lonely is what I feel, and that that's what's feeding my anxiousness, I freaked. It felt like such a bad thing to be, almost worse than being bad or mean. I felt ashamed, as if it was pathetic to be lonely and even worse to admit it. To move abroad is a weird thing on an emotional level, it has fucked me up and made me grow at the same time. I moved for love and left everything behind. I left my friends, family, university, job, my cats and so many other things that I feel like I've lost and miss dearly.
But I believe in the good things coming and because of that, most days I'm fine.
But some days I'm not fine, I can't stand it, I can't stand being lonely. I feel like falling down and curling up into a ball and just laying on the floor. I feel like I don't have a friend in the world, even though I know that's not true. I feel like not even the reason I moved here, my love, is loving me. I feel like I shouldn't love myself. It damages my soul and it burns in my mind. I am lonely. It's stuck on the inside of my lids, staring at me every time I close my eyes. It makes me cry and wish I didn't leave, makes me look at flight tickets and start saving money just in case I panic and need to go home.
But I believe in the good things coming.