I’m depressed when we’re doing something fun as a family, I’m depressed when the husband tries to cheer me up (and that is several times a day, but it does help that he tries, if we were both depressed I’d give up entirely) I’m depressed when I’m doing things I usually like, and it’s all because I know that I’m pregnant. I love food, and yesterday when eating dinner I felt that I wasn’t enjoying my meal, because of depression. I know that much, that if I wasn’t nauseous, tired and suffering from anemia I think I’d be much better off.
When people ask why I’m going back to school instead of staying home since I’m going on maternity leave again next year, I’ll just say I want to finish my studies. The actual truth is that I need a break from being at home. I need to do something, to stimulate my brain and grow as a person. I hope it is enough for me to go to school to be able to walk out of this depressive bubble and look forward to staying at home with a newborn again. I believe it’s best for the babies too, rather than being at home with a depressed mother.
I had so much more to say but the toddlers won’t nap indoors and are busy with shenanigans instead, so I keep losing my point. The dad accidentally took the stroller with him to school so that’s why we’re (not) napping inside today.
Next week it’s the kids’ autumn break, and we’re all gonna be at home. My mother is visiting (yay!) and me and the sons are going alone to Umeå on a day trip (yay again!) and maybe there will be a visit to some indoor play park and nature trail too. And on Monday after the autumn break my school is starting!