it's so weird really, how i fell in love with you. we we're friends for quite a while and nothing really happened except regular friendship feelings. then i came out of the closet and my eyes just opened for all the wonderful and beautiful girls around me. so i just developed these stupid, amazing, fucked up feelings for a person who trusted me to be her friend. i'm disappointed in myself and i probably shouldn't be because love is fucking beautiful and life is so woefully short that it should be enjoyed while it lasts.

you're an amazing person and i aspire to be more like you. let me elaborate. you're good at so many things. school stuff, singing, writing and so, so much more. you're better than me at so many things and you don't realise it and i hate that. you deserve to be recognised for your goodness. but even more important, you're a good person. like genuinely good, from the inside out and outside in. you don't even spit out your gum in the nature.

if i sound pathetic now, just wait. i know you're straight and i'm constantly hoping that my desperate, pathetic, passionate love for you will change that but it won't. it really won't. a boy will never change my mind so why the fuck would a girl change your mind.

even if someone like me would change your mind, it wouldn't be me. you feel sorry for me, don't you? i told you about all my problems and instead of you opening to me, i just felt stupid. you have your other friends who you prefer over me and that's a really stupid thing to get mad about but i just can't help it. i'm terrified that you tell them all about me and the shit i told you about and you laugh. you laugh about the pathetic entity that is me. it's my night mare. haha.

i hate that i just opened myself up to you and i was rejected like rancid food. you didn't even let me in. i wish you broke my heart. not to quote augustus waters, but it would have been a privilege to have my heart broken by you.