Well, the stress finally got to me. I had to take some time to myself and decided to eat up all of my paid .
I desperately needed the time away to get some things straight in my life.
Unfortunately, I wasn't very successful.
There are a lot of things going on with my family that required my attention. The boys have both been sick as well. I've been so busy I haven't even had time to write blog posts for this site.
I come from a really close-knit family.
When someone gets sick, everyone tries to pitch in to help. I have an auto-immune problem and so did my grandmother. So we're used to someone always being sick around here.
It was the baby's turn this time around. He has an ear infection in both ears and I'm having to pump the poor thing full of pain relievers and antibiotics.
Despite feeling terrible, the boy is in good spirits.
He has recently been acting like a dinosaur. The roars and in an attempt to make T-Rex claws, balls his hands into fists and he roars into them like they're little microphones.
Luckily, the big one is helping a lot and playing with his little brother and helping to keep him happy.
Unfortunately, my mom is also having some health issues and she's been in and out of commission for a couple of weeks. She's a hard-working lady who is always doing something productive, so she's struggling to stay in bed. Between my mom and the baby, my weeks off from work have been busy playing nurse, running back and forth to the doctor, and doing some extra chores and running errands.
This is the biggest reason why I haven't be able to kick back and relax.
Not to mention, I have the worst paranoia when it comes to my kids. The second they get sick, I'm online and looking up everything I can think of. Before I know it, I'm looking up the states where my kids are most likely to get lice. By the way, you can to this site if you want view more.
If you've read any of my previous posts, you know I've been going through a lot in my life. This included a divorce, my job, and general happiness.
My biggest goal was to relax and figure out my life. With everything going on, if anything, I'm even more stressed than I was before. So now I need a new plan and some new ways to achieve my goals. Unfortunately, my life is so jacked up right now, I don't even know what my goals are at the moment.
Glimmers of Hope
I've been applying to a lot of places through Indeed and working on my blog when I have time.
My best friend has big dreams and big goals and wants to take me along for the ride. However, my time is so limited I can't really help him at the moment.
His ideas are really fresh and new. They're going to require a lot of work and a lot of revenue. As much as I want to help him, it's going to be hard. The revenue part, he is going to have to do that all on his own. But if his ideas pan out, he's setting himself up for some big paydays and he may never have to work for anyone but himself ever again.
The sad fact is that I need benefits. Specifically, I need insurance for my babies and myself. I haven't been going to the doctor quite as much, but kids spend a lot of time around other kids, and many of them filthy little creatures. I can't risk not having insurance, even for a second.
When all is said and done, I know I have a spot as soon as I'm willing to take a seat. How long that is going to be is honestly however long it takes to get my act together.
Why can't I get my act together? Is it ADD? Am I lazy?
I have no idea.
I do know I'm a single mom with two kids and a thankless, overworked and underpaid job.
I also know I have to stop using all of this as an excuse. I have to level my life and turn my future into something worthwhile.
The inability to solve my own problems isn't frustrating. It's infuriating. It seems like every time I take a step forward, I take one step back and it's driving me nuts.
Do I have any kind of plan right now? Not really. I'm taking things a day at a time, trying to breathe, and forcing myself to push forward, even if it's just an inch at a time.
No matter how hard I push and try to move forward, it feels like I'm stuck in quicksand. I'm spinning my wheels. Pick your metaphor.
Wrapping It Up
I'm happy I have a great place like to vent my frustrations. I know no one really reads these posts and that's ok.
This blog is for me.
Every day is for my kids. Every second. Except for the little bit of time I get here.
I need more time. It's what we all need. I also need a break. The second I get one, I will capitalize.
If anyone out there does stumble across my writing and is dealing with everything I am, I'm happy you know you aren't alone in this.