The fact that I don´t write you it doesn´t mean that I don´t miss you. I simply accepted the fact that you were never that into me and I had to set you free.
The fact that you hurted me doesn´t justify that I was rude and said things that I shouldn´t have said. The truth is that I never understood your complicated mind. Perhaps I was refused to believe that you were not ready to commit with me, but that didn´t give you the right to lie, hide the truth and dissapear when you didn´t feel comfortable with us.
I made many mistakes, I trusted you, I opened my hearth to you and even showed you my weaknesses. The same weaknesses that you used against me when you got sick with a flu. Yet, my intelligence tells me that it was not the flu itself, you simple realized that you wanted to feel free and I couldn´t make you feel like that.
The more I think about it the less I understand what happened but yet there is something obvious....... you never wanted me back. You didn´t blink an eye to leave me, you didn´t want to understand that really happened. As much as I let you know that I was healhty........ you prefered to believe a lie or trust your wrong instincts. I respect that, I know that you are better off without me and I am learning to live my life with that energetic space that used to belong to you. I just want to say that I no longer have bad feelings about how you reacted anymore.
I am proud, I have a strong temper and I´m agressive specially when I feel betrayed or disrespected. I´m stubborn and sometimes spoiled but I did care about you. I always knew you wanted stability after having lived in different countries and after taking jobs were you didn´t feel secure or respected, you have many things to think about now, your dad, your nephews, gaining more status in your current job and perhaps traveling Mexico with no strings attached. I´m sorry for not understanding your family background, I just felt weird of having communication issues but your family habits and traditions made you who you are and I liked you like that.
Once I told you that when we are dissapointed we tend to believe that we will never feel something strong about someone else ever again, but that´s a lie, we can fall in love several times. Why to suffer or why to deny us new opportunities with new people? Once I wrote you a letter telling you that you made me feel happy once and I thank you for that. Inside of me I always new that the timming was not right to meet you or at least to have the relationship I always wanted. Do you remember the night we had dinner in that french restaurant near my house? Do you remember they way I looked at you when we parked infront of my porch´s house? I always knew it was not gonna last but that moment was perfect.
I have my own confession, I never trusted you, you told me that you were emotional, that you were unstable and was difficult for you to commit. When you accused me of having that STI I never believed you. I thought it was just an excuse to make me feel guilty and for you to be the good guy after you dissapeared. How could I believe you if everything was a lie? if you told me that you missed me when I was in Acapulco and then you broke up with me just a week after that? How could I trust you if you didn´t care about my feelings and you broke up with me one day before my birthday? I tried to communicate with you and you didn´t return my calls back and neither my messages. And just when I was starting to heal without knowing what pushed you away you accused me of having hided you a STI. That was unacceptable, and was wrong and cruel. Perhaps if you have had a different approach we could have solved that dilemma in a more mature way, but you were angry, scared and was very easy to you to blame me because for you I was just another tinder girl.
I don´t know if you were sick or if everything was a lie. I don´t know if you liked someone else and when things didn´t work out you reached me again. But this is the only true. I didn´t infected you with that STI, doctors confirmed me that I didn´t have it neither before and after I met you, and I can only blame me of having infected you with a flu at new year´s eve.
The truth is that I felt bad of having making you feel sick with a flu, I did worry about you and I regreated having gone to Tepoztlan at new year´s eve. That was a bit unresponsable but I never imagined the consequences that event would have in my life.
Here is my last confession. If you had trusted me and you hadn´t run away, even considering that you got sick, I wouldn´t had left you. I would have cared about you and stayed until you were feeling better. But..... how could I know if you story was true, if all this time you were still using dating apps and changing your profile pictures in your whatssap? You looked healthy and handsome in your profile picture in the pyrmids and in that park beside and old car.
I just want to let you know that I did care about you and I want to apologize for being so angry at you. When I get hurt I can be cruel as well, I guess that what we give is what we get back. We both need to grow up as people. I wish you happiness and health. I will always live the doors open to clear things up. I´m healthy, I´m happy and ready to start a new chapter in my life in London. If you ever go there, I will be happy to see you and drink a beer in any of those of your favorite London pubs.