Today's topic is about the difference between shaming a person and giving constructive criticism.
Before going into this, I wanna give an example of what constructive criticism is and what shaming is, so everyone knows the difference.
I see you made a mistake here, the correct thing is _____
I hope you don't mind but I noticed that the way you are doing this is wrong, do you mind if I show you how to do it correctly?
OMG you are doing this wrong, why can't you do a basic thing like this, you never going fare if you don't learn.
Jesus, you are so stupid can't you see you mess it up. Just give it to me cause clearly you don't know how to do it correctly and I have to do it now.
It took a long time for me to learn the difference.. cause constructive criticism is done with good intentions which are to help you learn how to do it correctly.. shaming is done in a way that makes you feel ashamed of yourself and your mistakes as end result. The person how does the shame often doesn't do it with good intentions.
Constructive criticism: is often done in a way where the person only mentions the mistake you did in order to show how it wrong. They don't use it against you. They know it only a mistake. They know it is part of what you did, not who you are.
Shaming: is often when a person has to make you feel small while correcting what you did wrong. They make you feel like you are wrong and not that you did something wrong.. but you are wrong as a person. They make you feel like everyone knows how to say/do something and you are the only one making this mistake.
I used to think those two were the same thing, so I would often get defensive or shut down when someone gave me criticism, cause I didn't really take criticism as well as others. I saw it as an attack on me as a person, cause I thought when a person mentions a mistake that I made, they were criticized me, when in fact they were just critic what I did. I have learned the difference now, and I'm trying to relearn myself, and learn how to not get defensive or shut down when a person gives me criticism. It a process, but I feel like I have become better and better at this,