Hello hello. I hope you are all keeping up well and slowly preparing for christmas. I am nearly mid way through the second trimester and I cannot even begin to explain how much I am looking forward to christmas this year, maybe it is the growing bump and the fact that next year will be P's first christmas outside the womb :)

Besides that, I have been feeling okay most days. We had our 20 week scan and our daughter looked perfect, it was so amazing to see her again. Technically we have seen her grow since she was 6 weeks old and about 6mm big. Now she looks like a proper baby (although still very small), she was rubbing her eyes and chilling, showing us her bum as she has done every scan.

My hospital offers an additional check during the anomaly scan that is called a doppler ultrasound, where they check the blood flow from the placenta to the baby and compare it to thousands of other babies and give an estimate of how well or bad the baby is getting blood and oxygen from the placenta. I won't go in to details yet as I still don't know much about how this ultrasound works, in terms of the results. I will know tomorrow because I requested to speak to a consultant to find out more.

Being pregnant and learning about the baby's development in the womb is a TOTAL different story and journey than what you'd ever expect, especially when it is the first time. There are also so many different opinions and research being done that can be quite daunting. I will write about my experience regarding the scans and my hospital when I am further along in my pregnancy and have more content, at this stage I feel it is too early for me to give an opinion.

Anyways, I have been feeling quite tense in my back and shoulders recently. I am not sleeping that well at the moment, either, trying to only sleep on my left side as it is recommended, combined with X amount of toilet visits through out the night, a growing belly and a bed that suddenly seems way too small for two people. So instead of buying a new bed (which is on the list), I booked myself in for a pregnancy massage at home this evening. Wow! I loved every second of it and feel so much more relaxed now, the tension in my back and shoulders is gone and I hope I will have a good night sleep.

As the masseuse was packing up to leave, she asked me what I look forward to the most about becoming a mother. I have never been asked that question and it took me a bit by surprise, I am not going to lie.

What am I looking forward to the most?

In my opinion, it is such a big question to ask and I am unsure if there is a single answer to that question. Becoming a parent is nothing like anything else I can imagine.

It is not like becoming a homeowner, or getting that job you've always wanted. It is so different. When you think about your life and what you'd like to achieve, you set some goals right? Take clear action and do what you can to bring yourself closer to the achieving your goal. You visualise already having/being/doing what your goal is and if anyone would ask you long the way, why or what you look forward to the most, you will probably have a very specific answer. That answer is probably most likely your driving force behind the desire to get there.

But becoming a parent, a mother, is just so different. I can't think of a single thing that stands out more than the others, that I am looking forward to the most. I suppose the idea of bringing a child into the world who's half me and half the person I love, is just magical. I often wonder what of me she'll have and what of her will be her dad? Or if she will be totally different. What will be her place in the world? I am so intrigued to get to know her and be there for her as her mother while she goes through life.

I can't wait to hold her for the first time and to breastfeed her. I look forward to just BE with her. To see the world through her eyes. To watch her learn how to crawl, speak, walk. Hear her little footsteps in the hallway. Ja, so many things!

I look forward to being P's mother, in all its glory. But I am also looking forward to being tested by her, will I be the kind of mother I think I will be or not? I know for sure that it is not all rosey and precious being a parent, probably the opposite. But that is also such a huge part of it, It is not just about the perfect and calm moments that makes it what it is, no it is also about those moments that might catch you by surprise and push you out of your comfort zone.

I don't know, her question took me by surprise and I got this urge to write about it.

If you have an answer to this question, let me know. I'd love to hear it!

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Hello lovelies!

I can't even explain how happy I feel when I get messages saying you are reading my blog and you like it. The post I wrote about our miscarriage seems to have touched you guys the most with its honesty. That means so much and I hope you will continue to read and follow my journey.

So, I have been feeling a bit down in the dumps this week with random emotional outbursts that my poor husband and parents have had to endure. It is like I can't even control it and five minutes later I am sitting there crying my eyeballs out over something so tiny and unimportant. Gotta love the pregnancy hormones!

This got me thinking about what I sometimes do when I feel down or uninspired, when I am having one of those days. Sometimes I just let myself feel whatever it is I am feeling and to sit with the emotions. Regardless of how raw they may feel, I sit with the pain, analyse it and after a while, I'll feel ready to move on. Other times, I pull myself together and shift my energy from what bothers me to what inspires me. Instead of thinking about the negativity of whatever may be going on at that time, I think about things that excites me and make me happy.

Because I am feeling a bit ish today, I thought I would shift my energy instead of sitting with the negativity as I know that nothing really is bothering me, I am just having a meh day.

1. My little baby P!! She is my number 1 happiness and inspiration ever since I found out I was pregnant and as time goes on, my bump grows and I go further along in the pregnancy, my emotions and connection towards her grows even more. I will literally explode when I get to meet her and hold her for the first time. I often visualise how it will feel holding her in my arms for the first time and taking her home from the hospital (if I don't do a home birth..). As I am writing this I can feel her wriggle about and it is making me smile <3

2. My husband. I may be bias, but he really is one of a kind and as time goes on, I become more and more proud of him and the man he is, the team that we are. He makes me laugh like no one else and tries his best to accommodate his crazy pregnant wife as best he can. I often wonder what of him she will have? I can't wait to see what a mix of us she will be and the kind of bond she will have with her dad. Dad's are the best and P is so lucky to have him as her father.

3. My family. I don't have the luxury of being able to drive to theirs every week as they live in Sweden, which is quite difficult sometimes. But their unconditional love and support makes it all worth it and I can't wait to introduce P to her amazing family and to spend more time in Sweden whenever I can. I had the best childhood and want my daughter to get to experience that as well.

4. The future! Whenever I think about the future and the next coming months, I just feel excited because everything I am experiencing at the moment is brand new to me. I know next year will bring P to us, a move to another area (?) and house + so much more. It is all very exciting even though I have no idea of how it will all go, I feel very calm and confident that whatever happens and however way things will go, it will happen the way it is meant to. I am trusting the process and that in itself is quite magical. To fully let go and trust that it will all work out - because guess what? It always does!

5. My career. There is so much I want to do and working towards doing, incorporating a new born to it all will sure be challenging and this is another area of my life where I am fully 100% trusting the process. I do believe that we live in a time where women can both be great mothers and pursue their careers. I don't believe that one has to compromise the other, but I do think it is necessary to be willing to think outside the box and be creative in how to approach the two. I am intrigued to see how I will be able to keep both going and how life will look like once I am back working after maternity leave.

I have to say, just writing these points down has totally put me in a different headspace. Try it! When you are feeling a bit down or uninspired, frustrated and feeling stuck. Think about five things that inspires you and I can promise you that the negativity will be gone. I am also looking forward to reading this again once I am sitting there with my baby, planning a move and how work will look like.  Time will tell!



Well hello there!

Apologies for the recent silence. It hasn't been because I haven't had anything to write, because I do. It has been due to the fact that the tiredness and nausea has come back with a vengeance. At the moment I am going from feeling very energetic to extremely tired and sick. Oh, when will it stabilise?

Anyways... As most of you know by now, we are expecting a beautiful baby girl! Both me and my husband are over the moon and can't wait to meet her in April next year. I have started to feel her more regularly now and it is just amazing. When I am at work and feel her doing whatever it is she does in there, I just laugh and smile to myself. In ONE week I am half way there!! <3

It is impossible for me to be unhappy at the moment. I am not joking. As much as I suffer with sickness, nausea and the fact that life still goes on regardless of me being pregnant and throws curveballs our way every now and then. I still feel incredibly happy, or maybe the right word is peaceful. The past years have been full on with juggling career, planning our wedding, changing jobs and now we are throwing in another big change into the mix and I couldn't feel happier.

Looking back, I can really connect the dots. Things were meant to happen this way for us and whatever happens next will be exactly how it is supposed to.

I am also so extremely proud of the team that is me and my husband. I will one day dedicate a post to only him (much to his amusement..).

Well, all of this leads me in to the title of this post: my thoughts on parenting.

As you can imagine, about 90% of the conversations I am having with people at the moment is around pregnancy, child birth and parenting. I guess it comes with the package and all of a sudden it is all so exciting and interesting to talk about. Listen to other women's experiences and thoughts around it all, having discussions with my husband about it but also learning more about myself and my own take on this whole new journey. Becoming a mother!

When you find out you are pregnant, so many different thoughts goes through your head and the whole experience becomes mind blowing. You start thinking about everything from baby names to the nursery. Perhaps thinking about Life after birth becomes a bit overwhelming at times, depending on where you are in your life. There is so much to think about from so many different perspectives.

For us, who's going to have a multi cultural little rebel girl, incorporating all her three cultures is of paramount. My nationality is Swedish but my origin is from Iran and her father is English. I grew up in a very multi cultural household as a child and I would want the same for my daughter. I am so proud that my parents welcomed both the Swedish and Persian culture into my life and I would want the same for her, so she knows how fortunate she is and also gain a better understanding of her parents, our backgrounds but also for people in general!

But parenting is not just about culture is it, far from. For the past seven years, I have been around children and know very well how much parenting has changed since I was a child. Also how different it is growing up in England in comparison to Sweden. We live in a society where we prioritise our careers more than ever, so when the children comes along they are given more entitlement and put in the centre of it all. Probably much more than previous generations.

I remember growing up and having friends who had very strict parents that wouldn't allow them to do certain things or express themselves in a certain way, that in turn led to them rebelling later on in their lives. On the other hand, I also had friends who had no rules or structure at home, they were raising themselves pretty much and this led them to not comprehend that not everywhere is as relaxed as home and not everyone is brought up that way.

Being too strict or too lenient has the same outcome but in different ways in my opinion. As much as rules are there for a reason, I believe in more emphasis in establishing and setting healthy and solid boundaries and to keep the consistency!

Everything is SO accessible at the moment, especially in and around London. Children get to experience so much all the time and as amazing as that is, it can also breed a sense of entitlement, because mummy and daddy gave them, therefore the rest of the world should as well. With that, boundary setting becomes more challenging as the child 'takes' the power away from the parents and gets to decide what's important.

But with healthy boundaries and parents that leads by example, I truly believe that the child will have a bigger chance in learning that is is great and amazing that everything is there for him/her to experience, but different things have different priorities.

For us it is so important that we parent our daughter in a way that gives her the foundation and platform to be herself, feeling comfortable in her own skin and having the confidence and self belief to do so. But to also be a kind person who respects her peers and knows her boundaries. By that I don't mean or indicate that she should always accept and turn her head down whenever an adult tells her something that contradicts with what she wants, No, it is more about that she gets given the opportunity to express herself but also being taught that life is not about always getting what you want. There is a balance.

It is our job as her parents to guide her and teach her, be her solid foundation so she feels secure and loved but also have the creativity and drive to push and think outside the box. I know it sounds easier than done and that is why it is so important for me and my husband to lead by example and be a team.

Parenting is a topic I am very passionate about and could write about for hours. But I do believe that it is so important to raise happy and secure children with a thirst for life. As adults, we always look to a child and admire his/her imagination and take on life, my aim as a mother to my daughter is to always encourage her to keep her imagination and teach her the skills to cope when things don't go her way. Instead of resulting to throwing tantrums (which she obviously will) and giving up, to think outside the box and come up with new creative ideas but to also know that boundaries are there for a reason.

Please share your thoughts? I would love to hear your take on this huge huge topic!