Cheating is a sensitive topic in a relationship. Cheating is a selfish act. People who cheat is usually people who suffers from insecurities, and think they can have their cake and eat it too. I have never understood their thought process (I do not think there was any thought process). I have seen men who cheats, and I have seen how entitled they feel about their cheating. They will blame you for their cheating. ´You did not do this for me, so that made me go and seek it somewhere else.´ And you sit there thinking ´I just gave birth, and I am bleeding. What do you want me to do?´ There is no compassion, no understanding, there is no mercy. Cheating people have this way of blaming other instead of taking responsibility for their actions.
I was one of those women who fell for the lies, all the promises that he will never do it again. Hoping, praying and crying that he will change. I went out of my way to change the things he said made him cheat. I felt it was my weight. After my children were born, I had gained about 20-30kg and I had hard time loosing the weight. And the reason I suspected it was because of my weight was because the women he cheated with (chatting, meeting) was usually skinny women. This made me feel insecure beyond belief. I tried to beautify myself, I bought make up AND I´m not the type that uses make up. But I did all this so he won´t go out and cheat. But no matter what I did, it did not help. The amount of women kept increasing, and keptincreasing. What hurt the most about this is that I was not worth not be cheated on. I could sense from him that I kinda deserve this. Not only me as a person, but every women.
The cheating reached unexpected heights. He left me at the hospital right after giving birth to my youngest daughter. Before finding out that he was cheating on me while I was fighting for my life, I kept making excuses for him. After 2 weeks in the hospital I came home, and that is when he told me about this girl. I have never been so hurt, and I could hear my heart break in million pieces. It was that day I started to question myself. ´Why do you let him keep disrespecting you like this?´. I finally understood that I deserve better than what he was doing. I felt broken, and my self-esteem was destroyed. I did not know where to start doing things, but one thing was sure; I was going to leave this man sooner or later. And 1,5 year after he left me at the hospital bed, I left him.
The reason why I am writing about my story is not to make people feel bad for me. I´m in better place now Alhamdulilah, and I´m healing. I´m sharing this so that other women can learn from my mistakes. Cheating will make you question your worth. Am I not pretty enough? Am I too big? Am I not worthy respect? Am I not loveable? That one was a big one for me. Was I not loveable? Am I hard to love? What made him do it? That is a big question for us women. And I think I know the answer; Some men are just sh*t like that! You could not have done anything to prevent that. If people tells you ´ oh girl you should dress up for your husband. If you did, he would not have cheated on you.´ Do not let people hurt your feelings! A man can only be kept if he wants to be kept. You can not stop a man from cheating. All you can do is to have enough self-esteem, and determination that you can gather yourself and walk away. You will be okey. As a reader you might think ´why is she telling women to leave a cheating partner? People deserve second chances, they can change!´ And you are right, people can change. BUT if you start giving second chances, TRUST ME you will give third, fourth, fifth chances. How many chances are you willing to give to a person who will never change? And I do believe once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a man starts cheating on you, the first time he might actually regret it and feel bad about cheating. But the next million times that follows will be easier because he feels comfortable enough to know that you will never catch him, and if you do - he will make it seem like it was unintentional and that is just happened. He just happened to ask for that girl´s number, he just happened to add her on snap, it just happened.
Do not allow yourself to be disrespected like that. You deserve a man who will be honest with you, and will only love you. The heart is one, and it can not love two people at once. When he is texting or calling that other girl, know his heart is with her. Because if not, he would not have called or texted her. Do not allow yourself to be fooled! A person can change, but YOU can not change him. That decision needs to be his if he wants to change or not. Spare yourself the pain.. If he cheats, your bags should be packed and you should leave. A marriage is between two people, not between a woman and a man + his side-chick. ´Practising´ brothers use polygamy as an excuse to go out and mingle with non-mahram women.
I will end with a message to sisters who are going through infidelity issues within their marriage; Know that you are worth much more than that. You do not have to accept it! You are beautiful, you are smart, you are kind and your value is beyond measures. You deserve to be happy. Life is too short to live unhappily. Educate yourself! Build up your confidence, your self-esteem. Never blame yourself for HIS infidelity!! It was HIM. He should be ashamed of himself. You should not walk around bearing that burden of his. Drop that burden, let him pick it up! You are too beautiful to be crying yourself to sleep at night.
Always remember it is a new day tomorrow, you can change and improve. BUT do so with a smile. May Allah be with you!