I am no stranger to depression and I keep getting stuck in a loop that is so difficult to get out of. It comes to the point where I am jealous of those who haven't gotten the bitter taste of depression. The point of this post is not to define depression from scientific articles or from books. No, this post is about what depression is to me and I want people to understand what it feels like to be depressed. I'm gonna use the picture down below for help to illustrate it all, and that is simply because I can relate to most of it that the artist illustrated in the pictures. I began writing this post so much effort but as I sat down it felt like all of the things that I wanted to discuss just evaporated from my mind. I will do my best though, to write what I had originally intended for this post.

Depression is no easy task to go through and everyone takes it differently. Some do more exercises and others have their own ways getting happy. However, there are people that can completely shut down due to loss of that mental energy it can take to do something so simple. I am one of those who completely shut down because all my mental energy is just drained. This is exactly what depression does to me.

Depression is having the lack of energy to even do the simplest task in your daily life. Not even being able to get out of bed nor shower is an issue. I believe that many people would consider this just being lazy, but imagine that your whole body is filled with rocks and then you have to get out of bed and do stuff. Not that easy huh? Well, that is exactly what it feels like. You start to doubt your capability of being a normal human being. You start feeling weak because you can't just do simple stuff, and that makes you weaker than other people.

Depression is crying in the middle of the night, simply because you let your thoughts spiral down into this darker hole. The crying doesn't stop and no matter how much you scream into your pillow the pain of your thoughts just never leaves you alone. It will take some time for you to calm down, and maybe you have to watch a few animal videos before you're done crying, for now.

Depression is having a weird sleeping schedule where you sleep most of the time, only to make up and maybe eat or drink. There is a possibility that you have enough energy to get out of bed and take a shower for once. Maybe even change your pajamas for once and not have the same pj's you've worn for weeks now. All you can think about, in the end, is to fall back asleep where nothing (besides your dreams) can hurt you.

Depression is not being able to eat a proper meal without feeling bad about it. Some days you can't even bare yourself to get any type of food, maybe a piece of bread but that is pretty much about it. It can be some sort of punishment that you are not aware of, and that is what makes it so wrong. However, it's not always a mental punishment but it could be that you just don't have the energy to get out of bed and make something. Not even make a sandwich.

Depression is also eating too much because you find comfort in the food. You eat whatever you can get your hands on, you eat bigger portions than what you really need to eat and you just don't care about it. There is comfort in the food you're eating and that is all that matters.

Depression is feeling alone even though you have lots of friends to hang with. You wait next to your phone to get that text message that could save this whole day, but it never comes. Disappointment starts to creep on you and you throw your phone to a place where you can't hear it. You're screaming for people to contact you by distancing yourself to those around you, in hope they will hear your silent protest.

I know what you're thinking, lack of sleep + not eating =, of course, it doesn't give you much energy to do anything. However, I'm not talking about that kind of energy that you get from food nor sleep. When I say energy I mean the mental energy it takes to do something, and it's not being lazy. I wish people who'd never been depression understand that those who are depressed are not lazy, it's just really difficult to do something so simple.

So what can you do, as a friend or family member?
My advice to you would be that be there for them. Ask them how they are and if you are worried don't be afraid to contact their those who are closest to this person. As I grew up I had a friend that was suicidal and one night he said he had swallowed a bunch of pills. His parents weren't aware of this as no one was home, and they didn't even know that he was suicidal/depressed. I panicked as he got offline from MSN and so I ran into the living room where my mom and her friend was, crying and begging her to call his dad. Of course, this pissed my friend off and he wasn't friendly to me anymore. Although, this might have been the best decision I've done when I was 13/14. He's alive now and from what I've seen, he looks pretty happy with his significant other. Back then, I was a kid with some troubles and I thought I could save my friend from death by just talking. That wasn't the case at all, he needed help that I couldn't provide him. So I made the only decision I knew at that moment and that was to let his parents know that things weren't as they thought they were. Seems like he got the help he needed.

There are things in this world that we cannot change and we don't have all the powers in our hand to help everyone. That's why I want to encourage people to seek help. I'm at a point in my own depression, where I am recovering and it's easier to get out of bed now. For some, recovery might not be an option unless they get some professional help. I've never been to a therapist, although, my mother wanted to me go to my high school's counselor to get help when I was at my worst in high school. I never went because I dealt with it my own. However, if you feel like you need help, please make sure that you reach out. There are people in this world that could help you get better. It might take some time but it might just be worth it.

This post if out of my own perspective and we are our own with our own perspective on things. The way I've experienced depression may not correlate with your experiences, and that is okay. If they do correlate, I feel sorry for you and I hope you're doing okay.

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I found this post as I was going through my archive and I figured I post this. I don't remember when I wrote this, but these insecurities are still the things I deal with to this day.

Now that I've been at my mom's place I've been thinking about writing this post. The idea behind this post isn't to make sure that people feel sorry for me or overwhelm me with '' oh nooo, you're beautiful '' etc. I want to write this blog post so the older me can find this and read how the past me... Thought about herself. See how many things I'm still insecure/self-conscious about with myself. I do know that some of these things that I'm insecure about, will either be gone or under control. So the whole purpose for this blog post is because of me and I want to see how much I've changed over the years. Maybe this could be a motivation for me, so I'll make sure that it will be a change. So maybe I should make a series where I write one post every month to let myself know if anything has changed or not... Hm... Anyways, let's get started. Head to toes - LET'S GOOOOOO~.

My face.
Ever since puberty I've had pimples. I remember that I had a loooooot of pimples and I called my unibrow a raspberry bush. My unibrow was filled with pimples, cheeks and they were just everywhere. I remember that my mom and sister never had much trouble with it and I was so jealous of my sister. Even though I did well with cleaning my face, morning and evening, it never changed. I got frustrated and I stopped using any kind of face wash. I entered puberty when I was 10/11 so I was pretty young. If I can recall correctly, I was even the first one in my class to even get pimples. I felt like a freak and I was so damn insecure about my face and pimples. But when I noticed that more and more people got pimples I stopped caring so much and sometimes I forgot about them.

Present day, I'm not too insecure about them. There are some days where I still can feel like a freak an insecure about my face. I don't feel attractive because of the pimples on my face. It makes me look like a teenager that doesn't take care of her skin. Or just someone who just entered puberty... The weird thing with my pimples though... They only seem to grow/appear on my right side. There are almost no pimples on my left cheek - which causes more insecurities for some reason. It looks so weird only having pimples on one side of the face meanwhile the other part looks... More clear/clean? Anyways, I wash my face as often as I can but I'm starting to think that my products aren't working on me. I need to find the right thing for my own skin... I've heard that Aloe is something that works better for my type of skin but... I don't know.

My nose used to be a really big problem growing up. Everyone in my family had this perfect little nose. Meanwhile, my nose was bigger than theirs and my nostrils wider. Present day I'm not too insecure about it, only when I'm taking pictures from the side. I have a pointy nose and you can see where it starts to point and I'm a little bit insecure about it. The picture below doesn't make what I mean any big justice but... It's probably just something that it's in my mind and other people just doesn't even notice how my nose is a bit pointed up and where it's starting to go upwards.

My upper body.
This area is just... Something that makes me so insecure about myself and makes my self-confidence slowly disappear. First of is my shoulders. They are a way to broad for my own liking. I can remember once when my dad was in the US and bought me two very beautiful shirts. They were made for women and my dad bought them in size M, which would've fit... If it wasn't for my broad shoulders. I couldn't move my arms around it in and just felt pretty damn trapped. Not being able to move around with my arms without feeling like I'm stuck... It's really uncomfortable and almost claustrophobic in my opinion. So yeah, my shoulds are one of the things that I'm self-conscious about.

To be honest, I used to be very self-conscious about my own breast. I thought they were tiny and that no guy would like the way they looked/their size. It started when one of my first boyfriends told me that I would look better if I had bigger boobs, we both were 13 years old. So as 13 years old, in the process of puberty, I got really self-conscious about my boobs just because of him. I didn't accept the fact that I didn't have big enough boobs. Then when I started 7th grade I saw girls who had bigger boobs than me and I felt so tiny and got so upset with myself. Somehow, all of this self-consciousness disappeared when I made friends with the 3 guys I spend so much time with during 7th - 9th grade. I became one of them and didn't even think about my own body. I know that if I'd only have female friends I would be so insecure about my own body. Always comparing myself to them. Never being happy with myself. Right now, I'm not that insecure about my breasts. I don't feel like they are too small or too big. They are as they should be to me. The only thing that I have a complex about is the fact that they have stretch marks. SO I hope in the future that I and my stretch marks have made peace with each other.

Dear god, let's talk about my most self-conscious thing on my body. My stomach. Jesus Christ. I don't hate the fat on my stomach, I just hate what it looks like. Seeing myself from the side I know that I will never be tiny. My ribcage is too big for that. But somehow it looks as if... I can't even describe it. There's this small bump right under where my ribs end, then I'm 'flat' down towards that ''belly fat'', and it just looks awful. I don't have a flat stomach, I will give you that. I'm not really aiming for one either but... I'm not comfortable showing my stomach. Not even showing it to myself. It has stretch marks and it looks so... Depressed haha. It's just fat hanging there. I'll tell you this. I'm not considering myself fat, maybe I've said so when my confidence has been pretty low. But no, I don't consider myself fat. I consider myself chubby! I'm trying to get used to the fact that I will probably always be chubby and that's okay. And more people should be aware that it's okay to be chubby. As long as you're happy with it. Am I happy with being chubby= Well... Sometimes I don't even think about it. At work, the realization crosses my mind pretty often since I'll be out in public but... At home, I don't think about it that much. However, whenever I'm with my friends I can think about it. Most of my friends are skinny and some of them go to the gym etc. Aaaand then there's me. I know that I have trouble being in a bikini without wearing men's swimwear. I usually have them above my hips so my stomach is covered. Yeah, it looks peculiar but that's how I feel comfortable by the beach, surrounded by strangers. I'm at peace at showing my stretch marks for the moment though. I'm just not at peace with having them. But I guess it's some sort of victory showing off that I've lost weight? The picture below also shows how I'm wearing my pants, the hem right where my hips are, covering my stomach because that's how I feel comfortable.

Lower body.
Boy oh boy, am I insecure about this whole part of my body. I don't even know where to begin? Let's just start off with my butt. Yes, you read that right - my butt. I know that A LOT of people find a big booty sexy and the whole '' ARE YOU A BUTT OR A BOOB GUY EH?!?!? '' is making me uncomfortable. I'm not proud of my butt, I'm not and here's why:
- I can't fit into jeans that are meant for women. I have to buy those really stretchy jeans to be able to fit into them. Say that everything is fine with normal jeans. I just can't fit them around my butt and button/zip them. So I mostly ear leggins to be able to have pants on me. Even then I'm sometimes struggling to keep the hem above the ''crack''.
- Long jackets during the winters are almost impossible for me to wear. They just won't go around my butt. I don't know how KimK can fit her giant ass around any types of clothes BUT HERE I AM STRUGGLING WITH IT. You probably think that I'm complaining about my butt when there are things to make my butt... Tinier. But(t) this is a problem for not only me, but some women as well that could look fit but their butts are bigger than what the clothes in the store can handle.
- Whenever I sit down with long jackets I'm just terrified that the zipper will break. And I get this kind of air bubble where my boobs are so it looks like I have bigger boobs as well. I can't pick a bigger size because then the whole item will look so odd fitted on me. Longer arms than what I have, boob area too big, butt area is doing an ok job and the shoulder parts will just look too... Odd again.

So those are the problems that I stumble upon with having a bigger butt than society can handle with their one model-sized pants/clothes universe. I know, I know. I could start working out, getting that fit tiny butt that some guys/girls/non-binary people get off on but, why should I really? Why can't society understand that there's more than one body type? That there are women who have bigger butts because of genetic issues.

Moving on to my thighs - on of my biggest issues with myself. I'm just starting to think that my butt, thighs and even calfs were genetically designed to be bigger than most people's are. Same with the stomach, I'm not really aiming for having a flat stomach nor do I aim for having a thigh gap. Why are people so obsessed with a thigh gap? I don't know. There's this new trend in body positivity that if you don't have a thigh gap, you're closer to being a mermaid. Which is something that is a bit inspiring enough? It's just something that doesn't really make sense but hey, I might be a mermaid if my thighs start growing together! My self-consciousness tells me that I look funny when I walk. When I walk my thighs rub against each other and I can't really describe what it looks like. Whenever I see myself walk I get a bit anxious over just nothing. This is the way I walk, why should it matter? But somehow it matters to me. And I'm not sure that my thighs are the only thing making it look like I walk in an odd way.

I remember once when I told my old friend that my calves look like swollen blueberries and he burst out laughing. He thought it was funny because of course, I meant that my calves look so big and round but blueberries aren't big, they are just round. So he laughed while I grinned but I knew that he understood what I meant. I know that I'm self-conscious about it because whenever I see a mirror I look straight to my calves and just sighs. I googled if there was any way for them to get smaller but... Genetics strikes again! I think I got my calves both from my mom and grandma. Both of them has the kind of calves that I have. I also know that I'm a bit self-conscious about it when I get the problems that I have with them. Doesn't matter what type of shoes I'm wearing, if I walk too fast or up a steep hill, my calves will hurt so bad. The muscle will get grow or maybe even swollen up and it will hurt... SO damn bad. I have the way they look if you look at me from the front. I believe that if I had tiny calves, I'd be able to accept myself a bit more with the way I look from the front. Sadly, I just don't.

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Every living creature on this planet will go through some inevitable changes throughout the course of one's life. There will be a point in your life when you find yourself looking back at who you once were and you start to reflect on what brought you to who you are now. Parts of your life are still affecting you on a daily basis, and it can be the simplest part of your history. Throughout my own life, I've gone through a lot of events and even today I still haven't fully recovered from some of these events or parts that made me change. From cramps to being teased (on the verge of bullying), to developing social anxieties to meeting the people in a game that would change my life. I realized as I was in the middle writing this post, that this blog post will get on a personal note.

I remember the second time when I went to summer camp and my mom insisted that I'd take either tampons or pads with me. I was around 11 years old and she was positive that I would get my period. However, I was frightened and I told her that I am way too young to get my first period, nevertheless, getting it during summer camp. How wrong I was. Already on the first day, I felt that something was different in my body. There was this lingering pain in my back and I just couldn't get rid of it, no matter how much I stretched or slept it off. Then one day, it happened and even though I knew what it was I panicked and locked myself in the toilet. It took some courage for me to go to the camp leaders and when I talked to them they gave me the phone so I could call mom. They were extremely nice to me and gave me what I needed and for the rest of the week, they told me to rest whenever I felt like it.

After that summer, my school time was way different for me. From my understanding, I was the first girl in my class and even year, that got my period. No one understood what I felt when I was in pain and some of my friends tried to give me a massage but with no help. Some people wouldn't believe me either when I told them that I couldn't breathe or even stand up. Painkillers have never really worked for me and it took some months before I realized that the only thing that worked was a heating bag on my stomach or back and then just falling asleep. However, I'm pretty sure that what I thought was just falling fast asleep was actually passing out from the pain.

Feeling hopeless, I begged my mom to book a meeting for me so I could try a birth control. The pills they gave me never truly worked out for me, and it almost made it worse. The pain almost disappeared but I bled throughout the whole time I took the pills. I stopped taking them when I got too depressed and I felt myself sinking into a deeper hole. A month later from the pills, my depressing feelings decreased and I felt better but the pain kept coming.

I remember myself being very insecure about myself and I felt like people thought about me differently, just because of my pain.

I was teased because of various reasons. During 4th Grade, I had a crush on this guy and we did that; YES or NO if you want to be together with me. Luckily for me, the guy I had a crush on did say yes. We managed to keep it a secret until someone found out about it and they all teased me about it. However, did the tease him? Of course not, they congratulated him for getting a 'girlfriend', and may I remind you that we were only 10 years old. We broke up and then managed to get back together a year later or so, but there was this bully that found out about it and once again I was teased about having a love interest. When you are only 11 years old, love is not the same as when you are 21 years old. It's a childish type of love because you're only kids and have no idea what you're really doing with it. So why is it even something to tease someone about? Most important, tease and taunt the girl but the boy is congratulated?

The same person taunted me for other reasons. When I was 11, I got my first period and my body started to change. My whole self-went through a change when I started to read a manga. My class went to the library to learn how to get a book, I know, silly right? Nonetheless, I was a bookworm back then and I couldn't find a book that I hadn't read already. The library had a 'Japanese corner' and there was a manga that looked really interesting to me. I picked up from the shelf and I thought the art was neatly done. As we got back to school we had to read the book you borrowed, I felt ashamed because my book was not a normal book but a cartoon. During that break, this bully had seen me reading it and caught up about all the insults he could manage. He kept calling me emo and once when we were alone in the hallway he came up close to me only to whisper that I should die. May I remind you once again, we were 11-12 years old and this kid whispers these words to me. During Easter, we have a day during that time which we call in Sweden 'Skärtorsdag' and it literary translates into CutThursday. The boys in my class started to ask me if I was going to cut myself during Skärtorsdag, if they could watch and if they could see my scars. The friends I had at the time didn't help me with the teasing and so I felt alone.

This is why I don't want to say I got teased, I was bullied and I was depressed. First, I got bullied for having a crush and second, I got bullied for being different and for standing up for what I liked. I don't see kids as something cheerful because behind the school walls the parents are not there. Kids can be so mean towards each other, and I don't care if you call your kid an angel. At home, they can be the sweetest child of all, but in school, they can be the worst.

I remember myself as being really depressed and I even though I had friends, I felt like I was alone. Because of this, I tend to be scared of being around new people due to being judge of who I am. I'm scared that no one will be there to defend me whenever I truly need it.

Food, I can talk about my relationship with food for some time, but that would probably bore you out. I have a strange relationship when it comes to food and I am still being affected by it today. So where do I begin?

Close family and friends have always commented on my weight. At first, I did not even think about it. I was a kid who tried to enjoy life to the fullest. Then came puberty and hormones, causing things to become more complicated and more hurtful in ways that I was not prepared for as an 11-year-old. Someone could comment that I either eat too much or too little, there was nothing in between to satisfy those who'd comment. There was just nothing to please anyone when it came to food and me. I started to see it as a problem and I became self-aware that I will be fat if I eat too much. So I stopped eating breakfast and ate small portions of food. Eventually, all of this stopped but it would bite me again, and it would drag me down a hole.

The second year of High School, I ate lunch 12 times total during the 9 months we had school. Why? Because I had no one to eat with. It felt like no one wanted to be with me or even around me. The first year, I had two friends and was satisfied. Then after what to me, felt like a misunderstanding, I lost one of them. I've told this person I'm sorry what happened but nothing changed. The second year, I lost my other friend when she transferred to another class. Of course, I knew that she would be occupied with her new classmates, but not to the verge when she wouldn't even say hello back to me in the corridor. I was alone in there. Every class, I sat alone and every break I sat alone playing around with my school laptop. I stopped eating and even at home, I ate so little food that I was weak. I probably lost around 15kg, due to not eating and a lot of walking around in the woods while thinking why no one wants to be my friend.

There are days still when I can't bare myself to eat anything. I've heard that I am fat and I should stop eating. I can't eat alone unless I'm watching a video and something is keeping me company. If the internet were down or if I had to eat alone at work or school, I would skip out on lunch and take a walk instead. I still do it, and whenever someone talks about or jokes about me and food I get thrown back into the pit and I stop myself from eating.

I remember myself, as a girl who had troubles eating due to the fact from what other people commented. I remember myself that I could hear people's comment every time I took that extra portion or even taking the first one.

Today, I am someone that faces some of these troubles on a daily basis. Some days I still can't bare myself to eat a simple meal, it's like a switch in my brain that I turn on when I don't want to eat anything. It's not healthy and I know that, but so many things have caused me to be this way around food. Just a simple comment could trigger me to say no to food. I don't eat breakfast and if I don't have anyone to eat lunch with at work or something to watch, I rather take a walk or something.

Today, I am someone that is so scared of judgments from other people. To open up my heart to someone and let them in on what I like, I rather not I say. I can get hurt if someone says something negative about what I like. I don't want them to take the happiness away from me of that book, movie, game or just anything that I enjoy.

Today, I am someone that gets anxiety for even talking to people. I never want to be a problem or be in the way of someone. Even if someone is making me pissed, hurts me or puts me in an uncomfortable way I bite my tongue and I choose to not speak my mind. I feel like there is no point to it anyway, they won't listen and they won't care. There's so much wrong with that kind of mindset and I know that. I'm still working on it today, to let all of those negative emotions and thoughts away and push myself to speak up. It's difficult for me, and I hope people understand that.

Today I deal with social anxiety, issues with food and depression. All because of people's actions, comments and interacting with negative people. I've cut ties with those who have hurt me the most and I'm proud of myself for doing so. It's still a long way to go to get 100% good, but honestly, I doubt that everything will get that good. It's a part of life to experience negative things and learn from them.

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Did you do something this year that you had never done before?– During 2017 I never really did somethat that I've never done before. Maybe I stepped out of my comfortzone a little when I talked during class, but that is pretty much about it? Well I guess also when I talked to Ben's grandma, stepping out of my anxiety to talk to someone about myself on a deeper lever.

How has your 2017 been? – 2017 for me has been wonderful! So many things happening to me and I got to spend a lot of time with Ben. I also got to start and end this year with him, which I really appreciate! Even though I had to say goodbye on January 5th in the beginning of 2017, I got to end this year with him and with a kiss. Of course I've also had some tough challenges, with SAP barging in on work and then all of the stressful moments regarding my work. I'm glad that it's been a little bit... Slowed down now for my colleagues!

Do you think that the 2018 will be better? – I believe that 2018 will bring a lot of happiness to my life. Mostly because me and Ben has made some plans for our life together and what we want with our relationship. We've talked about goals for what we should do etc and hopefully we can get started soon enough. I know that we will see much more of each other, possibly even move together somewhere!

Did you fall in love during this year? – Does it count that I fell more in love with him? If so, then yes!

Which dates are you going to remember from this year? – Mostly January 5th, which is the day that I and Ben had to departure for the first time but also my trip home which was horrible. Then of course 3rd of April during work when we started with SAP - THINGS WENT TO CRAP. So between 3rd och April - 31th of June, was just so stressful for me at work! I worked a lot more hours than what was said in my contract, only to feel like I'm doing some changes in my work. 4th of July is also a date that I will remember! It was my first time celebrating it with all the other Americans and I hope I get to do it more. During my birthday we went o Liseberg, which was also fun! We got to ride all the attractions that we wanted at least twice because of bad weather and that caused more people to go home or something, I don't know.

What is your greatest success during 2017? – To be honest, I haven't had that many successes during 2017? I want to say that my social anxieties decreased a little bit, mainly because of work and the fact that I had to talk to strangers all day long. Also, I decided to just let things go by. So if someone said something to annoy me or something, I would just shrug it off and not even think about it; something that I didn't do before.

What did you spend the most money on?– I spent a lot of money on my flight ticket but also on various things whenever me and Ben were together. A lot of money went straight for food and candy/snacks. It's worth it though! I just know that I need to be a little bit more economical...

Did something make you really happy? – Of course! All the memories I have with Ben make me happy and it is such a comfort to think about whenever I feel down. Also that my mother FINALLY got married. After more or less 5 years of saying '' We're gonna get married next year! '' it was finally time for them to get married.

What songs are going to remind you of 2017? – Gucci gang... WE SHOULD LEAVE THAT SONG THERE.

Who have you been hanging out with the most? – I mean... The most obvious answer is Ben. I hung out a lot with some of my friends from school, my sister and then my colleague Isabelle. My family is in there too but I haven't really had the time to hang out with them that much this year.

Did you have a relationship during 2017? – Yepp!

Is there going to be anything you'll miss with 2017 that you want in 2018? – Not really! I don't think that there is anything in 2017 that I want for 2018 to be a better year. Well of course it is to meet Ben at least as much as we did last year, but I'm sure that it's gonna be even more than last time.

What do you wish that you'd done more?– I Can't thin of anything for this question :)

What do you wish that you'd done less? – Hmm... Same thing on this question, I can't think of anything that I'd done less last year.

Favorite show on the tv? – It's gonna be like last years answers, X-file and RuPauls dragrace! I also enjoyed watching Stranger Things, such an exciting show and it's just want I want!

The biggest finding in music? - I guess Post Malone during the last days of 2017! I usually don't listen to that kind of music, but somehow I started to enjoy it.

Best memory from 2017? - Finally meeting Ben again after being apart for roughly months! Also the fact that me and Ben went on a small road trip from his house to his grandma and then we left for our friend Valiant! WE climbed Stone Mountain, saw the aquarium, enjoyed hours in Valiant's pool, eat pizza by the pool and just spent so much time together. It was awesome and I do hope that we'll get the time next year to meet up and have a reunion or something.

What did you do on your birthday? – Pretty much what I did last year, me and my family went to my mom's camping place where we ate food and introduced Ben to a crayfish party! After that we played some games and went to sleep. During the night it was raining so much and it was so loud. I could barely sleep and I was so worried that Ben would wake up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall back asleep.

Is there anything that would've made your year better? – I guess being able to be closer to Ben, that would have made it better. Specially during hurricane Irma, when things seemed to get worse every minute it got closer. Of course he went somewhere where it was safer, but it still worried me that his internet might be down and we wouldn't be able to talk for days or something.

What made you feel good? – Pretty much having Ben's support whenever I felt pretty down or sad about something! Also being around nice people.

Who did you miss from 2016? - Absolutely no one.

De best new people that you met? – I got introduced to a few new people in our guild! I also met 3 new people from school, and I enjoy their company very much. They are really fun to hang out with and whenever me and Hannah hang out to study we end up giggling for some small things and not study at all for a few mintues, just like when I was a kid with my at the time best friend!

What would you want to tell yourself for 2018? – Enjoy your time and tell someone if they are being ridiculous or annoying.

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