Get the Facts About Vaginal SteamingGet the Facts About Vaginal Steaming

Why?

You are not Gwyneth Paltrow, so you have probably never had your vagina steamed. There are some women out there (besides Gwyneth) who have reportedly gotten their business steamed. There must be a reason why they did this. Let’s examine why anyone would ever want to get their vagina steamed.

Some believe that this will aid fertility.

  1. There are also those (originally in ‘Ancient Korea,’ according to the web) who believe that it will assist in alleviating severe menstrual cramping.
  2. It is also supposed to help those going through the symptoms of menopause.
No, Really: Why?

Ancient Koreans say that steaming the vagina is a multipurpose endeavor and can essentially steam clean the vulva and vaginal canal. According to (it isn’t Ancient Koreans this time… I swear) Ancient Koreans, (I lied) the practice can potentially relieve infections, help with headache, hormonal imbalances, and even digestive issues. That must mean that the rectum gets a spit-shine by default, as well as the vagina.

OK, So… HOW?

This is reportedly something that can be done at home, although there are places out there that do this “treatment” for you. Women in Mozambique, South Africa, Indonesia, Thailand, and the Q'eqchi' people of Central America claim to practice these methods to keep their undercarriages in ship shape. These cultures all reported using both steam and smoke in the practice of “cleansing” their vaginas, frequently after childbirth.

As a few celebrities have shown us on Instagram in modern practice, women use the steam method. A hot pot of some sort is used to heat water and herbs to a high enough temperature to achieve steam. At this point, the nude woman squats with her vulva hanging perilously close to the blistering hot water.

The herbs that are used in this practice, according to vaginal wellness guru Gwyneth Paltrow, include:

Mugwort

Basil

Wormwood

Oregano

Calendula

Chamomile

This combination is considered ideal for balancing the “hormones.”

Won’t That Hurt?

More than you think. You ask yourself: is vaginal steaming safe?

Potentially not. Balancing precariously over a crockpot full of near-boiling water and herbs is a perfect way to end up in the ER with what will later become the “Story of the Day” in the nurse’s break room.

All of the recent age rhetoric regarding “connecting with one’s femininity” that has been touted by practitioners of this “treatment” becomes slightly trite, in light of the actual reason that the women in the various tribal societies of Mozambique, South Africa, Indonesia, Thailand, and the Q'eqchi' people of Central America( who ritualistically smoke and steam their vaginas after childbirth) gave the number one reason for going through this treatment: to tighten their vaginas, to remain sexually pleasurable for their husbands after the wear and tear of childbearing. 65% or more of women in at least three of these cultures said that maintaining vaginal tightness to keep the attention of their husband and enhance his sexual experience was the primary reason they steam or smoke their vaginas.

Keeping a husband happy is a rather one-sided mission. Still, the more concerning part of practicing “Vaginal Steaming” in a post-feminist world is the insipid, archaic, and at the best-corrupted idea that vaginas must be steam cleaned with scalding hot water to be acceptable to ourselves or our spouses.

Instead of breaking out the crockpot to steam your vagina, why not grab some basil, some oregano, and your crockpot - and teach your daughter how to make spaghetti. While you show her how to cook spaghetti, remind her that she never has to cook for anyone if she doesn’t want to. Let her know that she can be anything at all, and being able to cook is an excellent skill - but not a necessary skill that every woman must learn to make a man happy. While you spend a lovely afternoon with your beautiful daughter, silently hope that she never considers steaming her vagina so that she can feel acceptable to the person to who she is married. She deserves better than that:, and so do you and me.

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