I'm home, in Sweden. To be honest, I'm not sure that I'll ever be completely at home again. I miss the US more and more for every day that goes by. Especially I miss the beginning of my year, when I started to get to know the fantastic people at Rockville JR SR high school. I miss football season a lot, and the feeling of that I will never experience that again kills me.
There was a lot of times where I felt like all I wanted was to go back home to Sweden, because I'm safe here. Especially when I switched host family, nothing felt worth it. But then I ended up in the Akers house, and I got a great American experience and a great exchange year. The feeling of that all I want is to go back to the US now is stronger than the feeling of going back to Sweden then. I miss it so much that it hurts. It was fun to be back here in Sweden for the first week. But now I'm back to the life that I ran away from one year ago. And the life that I swore to myself that I'd never come back to. When life was hell one year ago, I could always think of the US and everything felt better. I had something to look forward to. Which I don't anymore, I have nothing to look forward to, two more years of High School, when all of my friends have one more year.
Coming back from an exchange year is horrible. It's nice to have people that I like around me, my friends and family and I love them all. But I love my friends and family in the US too. All I want is to talk about the US and how it feels to be back, but no one understands and I don't think that anyone will understand this feeling if they haven't been on an exchange year. The feeling of coming back, the feeling that is so freaking mixed.
I am 17 years old and my life changed completely when I left one year ago. I planned to never go back to this life. I had left this behind. I planned that everything had changed when I'd come back. People change but my everyday life hasn't changed. I'm back to the life that I ran away from one year ago. And I'll be stuck in it for at least two more years. This wasn't what I planned and this was not how it was supposed to be.