I've been thinking about something that is really really annoying me.. non-trans* people saying stuff like "Yeah I understand how you feel" & "yeah it'll get better, I've also felt bad about myself." 

Let me explain, nobody can EVER understand what it's like being transgender, if the person isn't transgender. And It's not really the same thing as being uncomfortable​ with your hair for example.. Being born in the wrong body is nothing I can even explain in words how it feels, its just awful and horrible. (Bare in mind that I do not mean that being transgender is worse than anything else, I'm just saying that you can't compare it like that.)

"when did you choose to become a boy"

If I had a choice I would NEVER choose to do this, as I said it's awful. It's like hell on earth. So don't even say that I chose to "become" a boy. I was already a boy. I am a boy. I never was a girl, I never will be. Thanks.


Being transgender can be really awful at times. You feel alone, like nobody knows what you're going through, but if you're transgender and reading this I want you to know that you are not alone. There's other people out there who's in the same position in life & don't be afraid to contact me if you feel alone, I'm always here. :)

- Tomorrow I'm going to write about parents, parents who aren't supportive and tips on how to come out and stuff.

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Haven't updated in awhile, I was thinking about something to update about & my life is very weird atm, but then I came up with something to write about.. Things to help body dysphoria for transpeople.. Just some tips what to do when you're having one of those days.

1 - Try to distract yourself, watch a good show on the tv, play video games or just do something that makes you forget it for awhile, this is usally what I do.. It helps me alot from time to time. 

2 - Write, write what you're feeling, write everything in your mind .. Or draw it if that makes it easier.. then just throw the paper away along with your dysphoria, I did this alot before.. Everytime I felt down I would just sit down & write it usally helped. 

3 - Dream, haha.. Daydream into another universe where you are exactly who you want to be.. This one can be a bit risky, since it might get you sad again when you have to come back to the "real" world and deal with your dysphoria again.. But it works sometimes. 

4 - Talk to someone who you love, just talk about anything until you forget the dysphoria.

That's some of my tips to deal with gender dysphoria.. I'm not the best person to give advice since I can't really control it myself, but I try.  Just remember that your body is not your gender. Your brain is the gender. You can be whatever you want to be. 



So I've been thinking about something, that in some countries (most I would assume? Right me if I'm wrong.) hormones etc costs money. (I do not now if all medication does in all counties, but i'll talk as if I'm talking about all meds & not just hormones.. ) 

So, why does medications cost so much money, for all people? I kind of think that medicines should be free to get whenever you need it.. What if someone is really sick & can't afford to get their meds for it? (In sweden it's always possible, but I know there's some counties that don't have that privilege​) This is something that is like always running around in my mind.. 


But that wasn't what I was gonna talk about, today I was gonna give some tips on where to buy a packer for FTM transgender. ( A packer is simply a penis attached with a strap, you have in your pants to make it look like you have a real penis.) There's different colors, looks & everything.. So that's kind of cool, just bare in mind that they're kind of expensive.. 

http://www.ftmessentials.com/collections/packers​ ( I recommend this page..)



Also bare in mind that some of these pages can be a little... Weird, well yeah.. 

So anyways, what about the FTM's that can't afford packers? Well there's other ways to pack also, you don't have to puy these expensive packers (Even though I recommend them) but I'll link some video tutorials how to pack etc with socks and stuff like that & hopefully that'll help.. 



& There's alot of other ways to pack, just browse the internet a little..

Well I think that's all I got for today, sleep well everyone and dream sweet dreams.



So the time has just went by real fast today, so I haven't had time to sit down & write anything yet..

But until tomorrow I've this blog post in mind that is very important. It'll take to long to write tonight so I'll save it until tomorrow. Thanks for the patience etc. Sorry that I did not write anything today, but as I said the time went by way to fast. Just stay tune til tomorrow. Thanks. :)



​I will just leave this right here, so everybody can think for themself.. 

This is fucked up.

(Keep in mind that I do not know if these are new researches or if they're 100% true, but seems like it.)



Alright, I didn't update last night.. Had alot on my mind. Sorry for that. Anyways, today I'm going to write some questions that you shouldn't ask a transboy.. Well I think most transboy can relate that these questions wake up alot of dysphoria & are very uncomfortable to answer.

Also, you might ask these questions thinking that it's just to be nice or somthing, but often they come out as rude. If you have just met me, and we have no business togheter, just avoid these questions. You are just curious and you don't need to know these things about me.

"Do you have a penis or a vagina." - Like really, what does it matter to you? Are we gonna have sex. No.

"Have you done all the surgeries" - Don't take for granted that all transgender people want to get surgery. (even if I personally do)

"how do you have sex" - Like really, why would you even wanna know?

"When did you become transgender?" - It's not something one can choose, excuse you.

"How did you look before becoming a boy?" - Just, no.

"If I like you, am I a lesbian?" - You figure, if I'm a boy & you're a girl. Does that make you lesbian?

"when you used to be a girl...?" - I never used to be a girl.

There's alot more to it, but I thought I'd just share some questions with you guys.. So yeah, avoid asking those questions to a transboy, it's obviously different if we are good friends or something, but if I' have just met you then I'll probably find those questions very offensive and rude.



Today I'm gonna write about different words and what they mean, they're usally used in the trans "language".. This is more to inform cis people what stuff means etc.

FTM - Female to male (someone transitioning to a male.)

MTF - Male to female (someone transitioning to a female.)

Gender dysphoria - someone who is feeling very uncomfortable with their body & feeling like its the wrong one, often leads to selfharm etc,

Pre-OP - Transgender people who want surgery but haven't undergone it yet.

Post-OP - people who have completed all the sex reassignment surgeries that they plan to do

Non-OP - describes people who don't plan to undergo any surgery related to their trans status

Trans* - I think is for everyone that aren't seeing themselves as cis-gender 

Trans (Without the *) - Is more used or transgender people. 


I also wanted to talk about gender & sexual orientation

Being transgender has nothing to do with one's sexual orientation, someone who is transgender can be Lesbian/gay/bi/pan yeah you name it.. Some people think that transsexualism is a sexual orientation, but that's wrong & I wanted to get that off my chest.



To be honest, I don't have anything special to write about today... So I thought, why not share some of my trans* inspirations etc? So I'll link some really good (personal opinion) trans* youtubers!

Alex Bertie - https://www.youtube.com/user/TheRealJazzBertie (He does really good trans* videos etc, check him out)

Benton - https://www.youtube.com/user/BentonSorensen (He's really funny!)

Skylarkeleven - https://www.youtube.com/user/skylarkeleven (does many comparision like "3 years on testo" and so on)

UppercaseCHASE1 - https://www.youtube.com/user/uppercaseCHASE1 (Just cause he's awesome.)

That's some of the trans channel I follow activly.. They've really helped me & I think they might help someone else also.

Tomorrow I'll write about something that I've thought about a very long time & that is very important thing to talk about (in my opinion) so stay tuned everyone. :p



So today I'll write about a fairly important topic, binding for FTM-Transgender people.

Many people bind with bandages & that is very very bad.. Binding with bandages does nothing good what so ever. It dosen't really look that real and it's also very dangerous, the thing with bandages is that it puts alooot of pressure on the ribs and makes it very diffucult to breathe after a long time binding, it can totally destory the ribs if you're unlucky, but on the other side no binding is really "good" for the body.

Although no binding is good, using real binders is alot better and less dangerous to use, it dosen't put as much pressure on the ribs and it looks more realistic. I'll link som pages where you can buy binders -

1. http://www.underworks.com/ ( I storngly recomend the Tri-top chest binder.)

2. http://www.f2mbinders.com/

3. http://www.t-kingdom.com/

The dowsides with binders is that they're fairly expensive and need regular replacement so all people may not be able to afford them,. But don't worry, there's alot of companies giving them out for free to FTM transgenders who can't afford their own binder.. I'll also link some pages who donates free binder. ( Keep in mind that i've never tried any of these pages & I do not know if they ship all over the world)

1 - http://www.transactiveonline.org/inabind/

2- https://replacetheace.wordpress.com/binders/ (Only shipping in USA.)

3 -https://www.facebook.com/binderboys

That's some pages that doantes free binder & there's alot of more companies out there if you search on google etc..

So please, so not bind with bandages.. Try to get a real binder. For your own sake.



So, today I was gonna do more of a "personal" post.. About my transition to becoming who I want to be. 

​Last year in January I believe it was.. I recieved a letter from Karolinska Sjukhuset in stockholm, they told me I was gonna meet a "investigative​ team" (?).. Anyway a team to tell me if I'm trans* or not. 

25th mars 2014 I had my first appointmen in Stockholm, I was really really happy.. I'd been waitig for a very long time & finally it started. I went to stockholm about once a week for 1-2 months talking and doing different tests and stuff, and after awhile they diagnosed me with transsexualism.

In august 2014 they called me back again and I got these meds to stop my puberty from going any further, they were really expensive so unfortunately​ I couldn't pay them.. I haven't started them yet either but I'll soon.. & I can't wait to finally start them & I know it's not that far away now, the shop just needs to bring them in so I can go get them!! :)

Anyways, this April/May they will call me back once again to talk about how everything's going & if I'm really 100% sure that I want to do this & of course I am 100% sure, and hopefully they'll give me testosterone wich is the male hormoes.. And when  i get the testosterone my body will start going through the male puberty instead of female puberty.

It sound like an easy journey but I can assure you that it's not.. It's so many times i've been going back to square one again & so many times i've been thinking about giving up, but the thought of the testosterone keeps me going.. Cause I know I'll get there eventually​.. I know that one day I'll have the body I've always wanted to have & that keeps me going even when I want to give up. 

Anyways, that was it I believe, a very shortened verison of my transition story, I'll probably update this when I've been down to stockholm again and talked about the testosterone etc. Sorry for typos and some bad english. // Sam