Why Can't I Be Happy?

Something I have been struggling with my entire adult life is not being able to be happy. Or, simply not being happy I guess. I'm sure I'm as able as everyone else but I just can't seem to get there. I basically identify as a person who is never happy. Never carefree. Never nice and outgoing. There is always a cloud in my mind that makes me feel like a cloud in everyone else's life as well.

I can't even imagine what it must be like to live a happy life where you're satisfied with what you're doing, spending time with people and just having fun. I'm constantly just overwhelmed by responsibilities, struggles, difficulties, uncertainties and stress. I constantly ask myself if this is what life should be like. If this state of mind is normal. Is it really too much to ask to be JUST happy?

The problem is that there is nothing in my life I feel like I want to or need to change. There is no one thing in my life that is "the problem" that is making me feel this way. I have felt this way through all stages of my adult life. I have achieved things and done things and experienced things I have dreamed of, yet I still feel this way. I always have that "one thing" that I think is going to make it all better, but looking back, that one thing never does.

My brain is still my brain and I am still me. And that is what seems to be the problem. Not as easy to change as one might think. There are a lot of things about myself that I would change if I could, but being happy and healthy would be a start...

Have any of you been through anything similar? If so, did you ever get out of it? How did you manage to become "just happy"? Leave a comment and share your experience.

  • Health



Same feels here.

I was exposed to things when I was only 12 which required me to skip the playful part of being young and I was sucked straight into worrying and constantly ”managing” my life for the better. Haven’t really felt care free in decades. But as a side effect I’m hella independent and resourceful which is making my life good now.

At some point it was painful to realize how much I’ve missed out, but then again, as a heavy-duty introvert, I have my own peculiar things which I find awesome and inspiring. I have accepted that I overthink and never go with the flow haha.
I'm only kind of happy when i practice a certain hobby that i like to do in a certain part of the day. The rest of the day though, is a mix of sadness, boredom, worrying and I'm not outgoing either.
Asia Ilowa
Hello! I came from your youtube video, the way you describe it is the most relatable one for me, because a lot of time I feel like that, now I just try to enjoy little things, I have no expectations to be happy because I feel tired and end uo oevrthinking about everything. The first thing for me was to accept that it's ok not be ok or not be happy, and also understand that Im not the only one who feel like this. I´ve been on therapy for the past 5 years, since last year I'm gooing with another therapist and it's easier? I don't really now, It's just that I don't feel that tired anymore, I also start to do what the doctors tell me, like excersise and that helps sometimes. I hope you have a diagnosis soon, so you can doing things that might help. Every person is different and please be patient to yourself, I know that maybe you're done with this and th way you feel, but be patient and kind. Thank you for sharing this, it makes me feel less alone
In my opinion, you can just become happy when you stop chasing for it. And nobody is ever “just happy”, happiness is not a constent state, it is just a moment. I guess you were happy, when you saw your puppies for the first time. Just as an example, because I don’t know you in Person but I can imagine that would be the thing I can mostly Know about you without really knowing you, I guess. Happiness is just a feeling and like all feelings it’s not permanent. And like the REALLY happy moments in life are only seconds. Just try to enjoy these seconds, dont Worry about letting them go again. I think a lot people are unhappy or not satisfied, because they have a false imagination of happiness. Or are too perfectionst when it comes to their definition of happiness. Just remember: you will be disappointed by everything you made a picture from in your head because it will be different from your imagination ALWAYS. I hope my opinion on this topic may help you finding an answer on your question.
To me, happiness is a product of gratitude. Happiness is fleeting, but gratitude and contentment are a lot more stable. It is about a state of mind and a perspective of living. I can't help but be happy when I count all the good things that surround me. The brain is like a forest with pathways - your behaviour naturally aligns with the most walked on path. It's about forging the new path to happiness. It is possible. Seek pleasure and find joy in the basics. It's easier if you've lived without, in trauma or in poverty - you truly know happiness and gratitude if you've once suffered deep pain and struggle.
Almost 3 years ago i was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis after a year of struggling with diarrhea and some other symptoms. I got sick because of stress like you and many of diagnosed. I'm studying dietetics whitch helps me to understand this illness. I know that stress, diet and attitude to illness are very important. Now i feel better and from 5 months i'm in remission, but still sometimes when get stressed i feel pain in my bowel, but everyday i work out how to deal with it. Now i'm talking to myself that nothing is worth stress. What is going to be it will be and more important is to do not stress and be healthier. Diet is important too, especialy when I'm in exacerbation. I try to eat regullary and smaller portions but more often. I don't eat gluten because of celiac disase, and I avoid drinking milk in large quantities. With diet, everyone is different. It is important to check on how our body reacts to food products and eliminate those that cause bad symptoms. Now its better with my bowel but i still don't feel happy similar to you. I remember how i could feel happy in the past, before first symptoms but now its really hard to feel that way. There are moments when something makes me happier but it last very shortly. More often i do not feel anything. I think its because CU and someday i will figure out how to feel better! For now i try yoga and mindfullness. Try to think about your illness as a challenge. I keep my fingers crossed for us! I'm sorry for all the mistakes, my English is not the best 😃
Jag har problem med psykisk ohälsa. Det har blivit bättre med åren (jag är 25) tack vare terapi och mediciner och jag vet vad allt beror på, men jag lever fortfarande inte med en balanserad välfungerande vardag. En period älskar jag livet och allt är underbart, i nästa finns ingen mening med något och jag vill ge upp. Jag påverkas mycket av negativ stress och måste jobba med att undvika det. Terapin hjälper mig i alla fall väldigt mycket så det kan vara en bra idé för dig att prova eftersom du ändå har tankar på det. Kram <3
I love how you're talking about this unexplainable feeling, because I can relate and I don't really see anyone else talking about it. And now that someone does, it feels comforming. I love complex people who don't feel those straightforward emotions, like happiness, in such a straightforward way, as we are supposed to, according to society's standards I guess. I feel like if someone has a complex, nuanced inner world, or is emotionally comlex, or intellectually nuanced, or a deeper thinker and feeler, or just highly sensitive, I feel like those people are bound to get depressed at some point in their lives, not finding happiness so easily somehow. And it might not even be to do with anything explainable in particular. /// Is it possible that maybe you are changing / shifting internally or spiritually? And that's what's causing you to feel this way? Like you are growing somehow and you are not associating with everything like you did before, and looking at the world differently.... ? I don't know if this makes any sense at all 😊 ...
Hello there my english is not so good.. I am coming fom Germany.
It seems that your soul wants to break out of your body. It seems that you worden only in your life. Go more out in the Woods. Your Energy will bei reloded in the Nature. Put your Electronic dewices away for few hours in the Natue. Take yourself time. You are a strong woman!!
I completely relate to what you’re going through... it took me years to first, understand that I didnt need to be happy all the time to be “normal” and that my general malaise/depression didnt necessarily have to define who I was if I chose otherwise. Seeking help and a diagnosis (dysthymia) was the best decision I ever made because it gave me some sense of understanding. It allowed me to make a decision about my mental health and feel like I had some semblance of control over my own well-being. Plus, since receiving treatment, I’ve never been happier.

Wishing all the best!