I feel like I'm just scrapping the surface

And I feel like things get's mixed up. But my memories are weak, I have protected myself like this, I know it. My mental health is bad and it gets worse the more I hold it in, things I used to remember a year ago is hardly there, but I'm trying my best to get better... it's just each time I do... something throws me right back down.

A little while passes. Not long at all after the separation. My father meets someone new. A woman with 4 children. I liked her. But I was very little. About 8 years old. Dad got engaged. Me and my brother, dad, 4 kids and their mother in an apartment... yea no. Dad moved way too fast. I had established something with this woman's 2 daughters, and even the woman was feeling safe. I do think my brother enjoyed spending time with her son as well. But the relationship ended almost as fast as it had started, it felt... weird. I was almost starting to call them my sisters.

I want to say I was 10... maybe 11. I honestly don't remember. But I remember those bus rides to my dad that was once a month. At first it was me, him and my brother. Then most of the time just me and my dad. But very soon after the first lady, I see my dad wears a backpack every time he leaves me at the bus station. I knew he wasn't telling me something. He said he would "visit a friend". I didn't believe it so much, I suspected he was meeting someone without telling me. I don't know if he had told my brother... but for some reason, I suspected it.