Can it really be that bad?

Or am I just one of those drama queens that has to make things bigger than what they really are? I do not want to disrespect my parents in any way. Honestly. I love them. Both of them. All I ever want is for my parents to be happy. But they shouldn't have had kids when they did. They were simply too young.

My memories are mostly filled with blanks. It frustrates me. But I know it's my mind that also protects me. My earliest memory of my father is a memory I would rather not have at all. We were sitting at a local bar, he gave me money to put in a machine. This was my first encounter with his gambling issues, nothing I knew much about, I was probably 3 or 4 years old at that time. My earliest memory I wold want from my father is the time he picked me up from kindergarten, there was a lollipop in the front seat. I was 5.

My earliest memory with my mother is more funny than anything. She told me not to go in to the room she was in. I think I was 3,5 which child listens at that age? I peek in and see that I had gotten my very first bike! But it was supposed to be a birthday surprise.

These are my earliest memories. I try to find more with my dad... but... there aren't any. The reason... he wasn't really there in my earliest years. With my mother I have plenty. And it has its reasons.

My brother, who today isn't among us, was... a very active child. I think this drained both my parents, because I remember clearly while growing up, most focus was on him. Because he was having trouble at school, his teachers was legit abusing him at his school. On top of all that. My brother was being molested by a man working under CPS (Child Protective Services) for over a year. Nearly two I believe. I remember his face as I had seen it once, I can't get the image out of my head. I don't remember when I found out. But I do know I found out very young what happened to my brother.

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