I need a Janice voice for this. Everyone who have seen Friends and now the reference, now imagine it is her saying it.
Cause: Oh. My. God.
Guess what? I just saw the last Fantastic Beasts movie. I have said how huge of a Harry Potter fan I am, right? But I never saw any of those movies at the cinema, and they are actually not that great anyways. Or well, of course they are great, but Harry Potter is a book serie and the films never beat the books. These films on the contrary, they were made as films. Simply and only as films, the plot is made for a film.
It was without competition the best movie I have ever seen. I am not even joking. I loved Hereditary a lot, it was the only scary movie ever who actually got into my head. That actually scared me when I was awake, when the sun was still up and people were around me. But this movie is in my favourite genre, fantasy, from my favourite universe, Harry Potter, and it isn’t based on a book.
I am not heartless, so I will avoid to talk about any eventual spoilers. I will just talk about my experience. And I mean, holy shit. It was a confusing, evolving, life changing experience. It starts jut suddenly and it rips you off the cinema chair into another world of some sort. Another reality, where you don't have a life. I watched it and my hopes got up even more, over the damn roof. I knew this was about to be two wonderful hours. And I was surely not wrong. Because it made every possible reaction from me come out of its fangirling corner. Of course I have learnt a long time ago to not express any of them in public because that is just really weird, but on the inside, oh man. Laughing til it was hard to breath, naaaaawing whenever something was cute, screaming when things got revealed, bite my nails when it was exciting, gasping when it took turns, crying when it was sad, and flinch to then smile creepy when romantic stuff happened. Or was even briefly mentioned. I mean, it was a storm of feelings. I didn't earn a thought at anything else, I don't think I thought at all. All I could do was watch. I found out that the things they write in books, like when eyes are growing to the size of plates, like how they describe shock, actually was realistic. When I saw my previous favourite movie, Hereditary, I talked about it a lot when it had ended. I was ready to write a whole essay about it. I was so fascinated, so passionated about it. But this time I didn't do that. I didn't say a word. I was not able to. When the movie ended, my whole body was stiff and tense and my eyes didn't leave the big screen. I was curled up to a ball in my seat. Mom, who sat next to me, started asking questions about what I thought and so did my dad, but my mind were somewhere else. I was shocked. It had been so great, so fabulous, so FREAKING FANTASTIC that I couldn't process it. I murmured something about needing a moment to mom, who laughed and shaked her head like parents do when their babies say cute things.
i moved like a robot when we walked to the car. I just stared out of the window while we drove home. And a single thought I was able to sum it up with:
Oh. My. God.
It is also a special day today for another reason. Or well, it isn't because now it's past midnight, but I intended to post it yesterday so let's pretend I did.
It's the blog's three months anniversary! And also, wich is purely a coincidence, it is blog post number thirty. That is a satisfying even number, It makes my OCD brain very happy. I wasn't planning on celebrate it, or holding a speech, but maybe I should. Because I pointed it out and that makes it clear that I cared about it enough to remember. So I could write about it as well. Just quickly, I need to get to sleep later.
Dear blog, I was lost when I started you. Another school year had started and I didn't know anything. I wasn't aware of things I used too know. I were at another place, but I couldn't find it on the map and I hadn't been there ever before. (This is just a metaphore, but it actually sounds like my orientation tests awfully much). I didn't know if it was right in any way, and I didn't know if I enjoyed being there. I didn't know where I were at all, so how could I build an opinion.
When I started you I was desperate. I had looked for things that I didn't know about, I had searched for an answer without being able to ask the question. I felt bad about a lot of things. One of them I felt the baddest about was the fact that I felt bad for everything else.
I remember that I thought it was a suffocating time. I was supposed to make decisions and I couldn't even think. You don't let a drunk person drive, but you let an unstable teenager without identity plan its future. As M would say: WHAT COULD GO WRONG? He also says it with a sort of radio voice that I find creepy. Anyways, I knew I wasn't ready for that. I hadn't left the past yet, I couldn't enter another age. As I wasn't even a version of me I had figured out, how would I know what the future me would need or want? I was so sad. I was so afraid. I was so alone. I was so lost. And that is what finally made me desperate,
Now three months, 92 days, some broken nights, and more stuff to do and handle than I could take later, it is in one way just the same. In another it's completely different.
I have focused on my future. And I got some things. Once I made some research, I felt better. Once I wrote some of it down, I felt good. And when I did a diagram, I felt great. I had a plan. A possible plan. Suddenly, I wasn't afraid. I had a start. I didn't even need a start because a future isn't that complicated. Actually.
I came out to my friends. I revealed my biggest secret that separated me from others, and it couldn.t have gone better. They were supporting and they kept being my friends. And I love them. If you chose to love the person that is actually right, it means you don't feel alone. And suddenly, I didn't.
I simply relaxed. I thought: no more stress. No more thinking. No more panic. No more tears. I thought, if I get this amount of sleep the whole term, I will not waste energy on this. It is just bullshit.
And then I started to feel a little better.
If an egg is destroyed from the outside
If an egg is destroyed from the inside
Great things always start from the inside.
Goodbye for today! Now, let's roll another three months. I won't stop needing you.