I woke up at 1 p.m. today. Seriously. I slept for more than half a day. It is already dark outside, and I haven’t left the house, I haven’t eaten a thing and I haven’t talked more than maybe fifty words to anyone the whole day. Halloween is over now. We didn’t fix the house so it would be scary. I didn’t walk Trick or Treat for almost the first time in my life. Halloween is over and I didn’t even notice it when it was here. And that scares me more than all the fake spider web and chopped of hands in plastic. Because I love Halloween and this year I just let it pass. I went to see The Nun, which may be a little Halloweeny thing, but I see horror movies every month, every week if the year, so that didn’t wake up any special vibes. It was a great movie though, and I was happy yesterday. Now I am not. This is the first day of November, and it isn’t the best start. Or it is, because things could have been a lot worse since November after all is the most depressing month of the year. It is not warm holiday summer, it is not cozy snowy winter, it is not green hopeful spring. It is the late fall. It is not a start of anything, it is the beginning of an end but it is not yet right in the end, because the end is good and before it there is nothing. Like November. The month is cold, but not so much that it snows, the month is dark, but not in December so you can’t drink a lot of hot chocolate and light candles and the month is in the end of the year but not precisely in the end (as said before) so there won’t be a Christmas or a New Year’s Eve. Just a bunch of grey and people who have given up. November is the month when a lot more serial killers than in any other month are born. Coincidence? I don’t know, but you got to admit, not many people are looking forward to November. You have heard those who like the beginning of a year because everything is new, those who like spring months like March and April and May. Most persons love the summer. And sure a lot like the fall. But always September and October and then there is just empty space, before the people who love December shows up. Nah, November will never be a liked month. All I can do the entire month to keep myself alive and well is escaping. Constantly wearing headphones listening to music, or reading a book, or ten books. Or studying and think of what will come next.
I actually don’t know where I was going with this. I just wanted to tell you how I feel, but there is really not a point in this post whatsoever. Maybe I need some quotes? The ones that opens a thought. Or sometimes a whole mind.
“We cut and kill flowers because we think they’re beautiful.
We cut and kill ourselves because we think we’re not.”
The kind that opens the gate to the tears.
“Who hurt you?”
“My own expectations.”
- six word story”
The kind that everyone understands.
“Everyone wants to be the sun to lighten up someone’s life, but why not be the moon, to bright in the darkest hour?”
The kind that gives perspective.
“The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief.”
The kind that you never understand, or everyone have a different understanding on (yes, it is Shakespeare).
“The most powerful weapon on Earth is the human soul on fire.”
Finally, the kind that makes you stronger, hopefully. Just a little bit.
Alright, I am tired now.
Bye for today.