Yeah, so after I posted my last text, I sort of got restless. It was late and I should be sleeping, which may be exactly why it happened. All my motivation that had mysteriously disappeared under a blanket during the day started to catch up on me. I felt like, “Yeah, it’s definitely time to explore the universe and write my future wedding vows just in case I ever get married. You only live once, right?”
So, as a lazy teenager, I didn’t bother leave my comfy bed and instead I scrolled on my phone, and as I was on the Nouw website it happened to be there I started my search for the cure of cancer. (Yes, when I get productive I really am aiming at the stars.)
And I read a few posts. Visited a couple of profiles. Looked on their likes and comments and realised something.
People don’t want to read about your messy life. They don’t have any interest in your problems at all. Sure everyone wants to hear about when it goes bad for someone, because as my teacher once said “the only true joy is the evil happiness”, but no one have time for complaints. That doesn’t ever bring anything out of them other than hate.
When they read about someone describing their life they want inspiration. They think, if the people are so grateful of how’s it going for them that they actually want to tell others, it’s a great place for inspiration. When people read blogs they want to get into mindfulness. They want to see a little beauty. And I’m not saying this out of disgust to anyone, I know this behaviour in myself as well. I’m not better than anyone else. In many ways I’m worse, because I’m awfully bad at actually appreciate beauty. I can look at someone and think they’re hot, and I can see a picture of a sunset and be like, “Wow, it’s amazing how they got that on camera.”
But the world. The world is complex. It wasn’t made to make everyone happy. No one is always happy about their lives. It was made to be experienced. That’s why it’s such a big deal. Life is truly everything. It is laughing and it’s crying. It’s making memories and it’s leaving stuff behind. It’s evolving by getting affected on all the things you explore.
And it’s not something I’m going to talk poetically about. It is what it is. I’m not a pessimist, an optimist or a realist. I barely have options on anything. I try to survive it an all the possible ways. But I may not be doing the best out of it.
Trying to accept. Trying to find.
Bye for today.