I don’t have any idea what I am going to talk about today. I just knew that I needed it. I needed to get thoughts down into words, but since my thinking feel all blurry I guess it’s sorta hard to get the words. They are unexplainable, so to say. I’m going to start easy and then see if it starts running.
Today have been a good day. All the classes went well, and as a plus it’s also Friday. You got to admit that Fridays are the happiest days. Saturdays are surely more comfortable, but when the night comes you always feel like you just wasted time on nothing in particular. The day just passed. I don’t know if I enjoy that feeling. But Fridays on the other hand is always pretty chill at school, because the teachers know that all the students see is the time passing on the watch until the weekend begins. And then you can have a good time, comfy with snacks and a movie and without the worry that you need to get to sleep cause you gotta get up early tomorrow.
Okay, who am I kidding? I won’t lie.. Today sucked. Everything went fine except for a bad headache in the morning, but B got me an aspirin and it went away before lunch. After school I was with her for a couple of hours reading homework. I had a subject on this afternoon that I thought I would fail immediately, but went through the whole class without breaking anything or get totally lost or making something awfully wrong that would lower my grade. I mean, that sort of things happens way more often than you’d expect. But from the moment I woke up until now I have been hunted by a slight depression. It wasn’t funny to be in school, even though it went well. And I did laugh a lot with B at her house, but the second I left I couldn’t keep smiling. I’m passionate about poems these days. And music. The happy ones sometimes cheer me up. The sad ones understand me.
“Monsters these days don’t live under your bed.
They live inside your head.”
And then we have the ones that is about something that most people think are even darker than depression, and it’s death. But to quote Arya Stark: death is nothing. There isn’t anything better or worse than nothing. Nothing is just nothing.
Death asked Life:
“Why do people love and look up to you, but are afraid of me?”
And Life answered:
“Because I’m a nice lie and you are an incredibly painful truth.”
And even the worst sorts of death, suicide.
“If you haven’t noticed
The scars on my hips
Or the fake smile on my lips
Or the forced laugh that I’ve adopted
Or the way I don’t care
About things I used to love
Then don’t you dare stand
At my grave and cry
How can you cry for someone
that you don’t even know?”
And while we’re into it, wasn’t Anne Frank sort of a genius when it came to understand humans?
“Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.”
She was like fifteen. I just wished she would ever be more than “like fifteen”. Praying for her tonight.
Okay, now I need to go. I don’t know if this post improved or lowered my mood, so I’m going to finish with something that maybe isn’t too depressing.
“Life is short. Don’t waste time with hating those who hate you, but with loving those who love you.”
“While pain always is there, because life is freaking painful, suffering is a choice.”
Maybe they sound a bit cliche, but that is because they are hopeful. And people know that’s false, because life isn’t happy. But yet the most famous quotes are the happy ones, because as Life described, people prefer nice lies instead of painful truths.
Bye for today.