Header

Beauty

Idag fick jag äntligen det jag beställde från Tambeauty för drygt en vecka sedan. Blir lite fundersam runt ena produkten, på förpackningen står det liquid lipstick och på själva produkten lipgloss. Får testa och se vad det blir för resultat och återkommer. Sen blev det vanliga läppstift och den nya omtalade concealern from Makeup Revolution. Ska bli väldigt spännande att testa. Jag har hört mycket bra om den och att den ska kunna jämföras med Tarte.
Ska försöka ge er recension på förra sminkköpet också. Har varit så mycket i mina tankar så att jag har totalt glömt. Uppgift för morgondagen helt enkelt.

Design your blog - select from dozens of ready-made templates or make your own; simply “point & click” - Click here

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life, Photography, Doggy

Idag blev det den lyckligaste dagen i mitt liv skulle jag nog säga och för Enzo.

Jag har länge känt att Enzo inte har fått det liv som han förtjänar. Han har fått all kärlek någon kan få. Han är den i mitt liv som får mest kärlek. Men han har inte fått springa på det sättet som han är skapad för. Han är skapad för att springa efter harar, En hastighet på 70km/h kan en Saluki komma upp i.
Idag på morgonpromenaden upptäckte vi av en ren slump att det finns en liten undangömd hundpark, en gammal fotbollsplan som dom har gjort om till hundpark. Perfekt med sådant staket för en Saluki som vet hur man flyger över staket. Upptäckte platsen genom att vi hörde och sedan såg en annan hund där. Så vi gick runt området och sen så fort dom gick därifrån slank vi in en snabbis. Jag var inte förberedd på detta mirakel så det blev en snabbis. Efter lunch gick vi dit igen med godis och leksaker. Han busa runt och vi träna inkallning. När jag kom hem var jag så lycklig att jag börja gråta sitter här nu med tårkanalerna fyllda på grund av att jag är så lycklig för att jag äntligen kan ge livet som Enzo förtjänar. För han ger mig lycka varje och jag vill kunna ge exakt samma lycka tillbaka, nu kan jag göra det!

Nu ligger han trött på sängen......

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life

När jag kom hem och kolla posten så trodde jag nästan att jag hade fått brev från en hemlig beundrare. Men det var det icke. det var något mycket trevligare! Bröllopsinbjudan! Känner mig väldigt hedrad till att bli bjuden till detta bröllop, en av mina ingifta kusiner som gifter sig. Han och jag har haft en väldigt fin relation genom åren och att få vara en av kusinerna som blir bjudna betyder mycket. Åh jag längtar!
Måste börja planera för hundhotell i vår då Enzo inte kan följa med. Sen ordna så att någon matar katterna. Lite pyssel blir det, men värt det.

Måste säga att jag är imponerad av designen på kuvertet. Så himla snyggt!

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life, Life hacks

Igår körde jag på ett riktigt lyxigt lördagsmys. Köpte mig lite bubbel, alkoholfri såklart, köpte mest bubbel för att jag hade hittat ett vinglas som min kära vän @mimiwatz hade gett mig. Hade en grym middag, veganska kebab med sallad o mozarellasticks så måltiden blev i slutändan vegetarisk. Satt och kollade på melodifestivalen och sedan Mama Mia som sändes efter.

Men nånstans där under kvällen kunde jag inte låta bli att känna mig tragisk. Blir arg över att jag kände mig det. Grunden till känslan var nog att alla mina myskvällar är jag ensam. När jag inte är med min egna familj eller med min "hyrda familj" så är jag ensam i princip hela tiden. Har inte många vänner. Har lite folk som jag pratar med men inte som jag träffar speciellt mycket. Samtidigt borde det inte kännas fel att sitta ensam hemma en lördag med en flaska bubbel som egentligen är en dyr läsk för oss nyktra.. Jag borde inte skämmas över det, många som spenderar sin tid ensam. Man ska inte behöva ha sällskap för att unna sig något som ser ut att vara lyxigt!
Måste verkliga ändra min inställning till ensamhet!

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life

Vilken härlig start på denna lördag. Latte, ansiktsmask (där av det fina kletet i ansiktet) och bläddra i en fototidning. Det var väldigt intressant igår när jag begav mig ut för att köpa min tidning. Hittade endast en tidning som handla om foto, då kollade jag Coop, Ica sedan tidigare och till sist fanns det på pressbyrån en ynka tidning. Börjar fundera på vad det är för en liten håla jag har hamnat i.

Igår lyckades jag ge en gnutta förtroende till E. Han fick trimma min sidecut, men stoppade honom när han ville börja toppa håret också. Ett steg i taget med förtroendet. Nog för att jag aldrig har varit rädd för att klippa av mig håret men när det görs så ska det åtminstone bli snyggt.

Likes

Comments

Photography

Okey, jag går tillbaka till att skriva på svenska. Känns som jag inte kan formulera mig så bra som jag önskar på engelska.

Har kommit på ett projekt, ett litet fotoprojekt. Ska börja dokumentera Apollo och Enzo's relation. Dom två har ju fått en väldigt mysig relation till varandra. De busar, myser och tvättar varandra....eller Enzo tvättar honom. Så då är tanken att jag ska försöka fånga deras relation på bild på ett konstnärligt sätt. Gäller att alltid ha kameran redo nu med andra ord om detta ska bli lyckat. Men jag tänkte dock dela detta projekt på instagram. Så in och följ mig där (holyengai, finns länk i menyn).

Likes

Comments

Mental Health, Body & Health, Self Portrait

I never thought I would come to that mind setting and feel that I'm proud over my body. To feel comfortable in my own skin.

For years I've been struggling with loving myself and loving my body. I've starved myself and been throwing up my food but that never helped me, it only made me feel worse. But one day I realized as long as I'm eating healthy and taking care of myself with balance I will have the body that was made for me. It will be the shape it should be. Not everyone have a thin body, some people have more curves and both are beautiful and no type of body is wrong.
Finally I can say that I love my body for every curve that it has. But it also okay to fall sometimes, every day you can't be happy with yourself. Things effect us that can bring us down a little but it's important to get back up!

Maybe I will be more naked in front of the camera now......guess you will find out sooner or later....

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life

Good morning awesome readers! I'm really trying to figure out what is up with myself right now. I want to do so many things but I'm so blocked in my head. Feels like a I lost myself on the road and I'm trying to find me again. I've never been so blocked and I can't even focus on the things I want to do. Maybe I shouldn't feel stressed about it just do things as they come.

It's time to get this day started. Some things that needs to be done before I leave for my appointment with the doctor today, there is some pain in my tummy that I need to check out. My mother think I pulled a muscle, can you do that there?

Likes

Comments

Last Friday I went to H&M, there I found some makeup. SURPRISE! I really wanted to try one of the lip kit from Gigi Hadid's collab with Maybelline, and I needed a new primer and powder so I decided to try some new products, at least new to me. I get the feeling that the lip kit is really good because I had hard time washing it off.
I'm trying the lipstick during the day! A picture and a little first impression will come in the end of the day. Or maybe tomorrow if I will try the pen also.... We will see!

Design your blog - select from dozens of ready-made templates or make your own; simply “point & click” - Click here

Likes

Comments

Soon I want to get under the needle. I actually contacted the local tattoo artist yesterday and I'm hoping for respond soon. I'm going to do a text that means a lot to me. It's from a song that I've been listening to this last year that has past. I want this text to look like art also. I feel like I'm starting with small a simple ones that I want (and cheaper) and than I will work my way up to the big ones.

I'm up early today. I've planned for a long morning walk with my boy. And than later I'm going to meet the people that are responsible for the therapy that I want to go, they are going to make sure if I fit in to the group, if it's the right therapy for me.

Likes

Comments

A nice start on a nice day! Coffee and a face mask, later I will paint my nails. I also had a really nice walk with Enzo.

Today I feel full of energy. I feel inspiration so I'm going to use it well. Full speed forward! Magic will happen here today, trust me. I will organize the bathroom and than work on some posts, I had some ideas that I wrote done this week so I will work on them. I hope to get them done so I can post it for the upcoming week.

Btw, so far my weekend have been great. Yesterday I went to with E and the kids to see E's brother and sister. It was really great and I had fun. But the kids were crazy and I was not prepared that they would drink alcohol there. But I handle it. I felt the craving, but I went out and took a break and than I went back. So in the end it was a great evening.

Likes

Comments

Good morning from my part of the world! The weather here in Sweden is driving me crazy. One day there is snow, the next day it's gone and than it's back. Please weather god make up your mind??!!

I'm working on weekend latte, enjoying it and feeling the wonderful taste of it. At the same time I'm enjoying my new sweater from H&M. I will probably live in it today to be honest.
Yesterday my social anxiety was on a top level when I left for my counselor. It took me by surprise in a big way. It's been good for a while than yesterday I could not even eat in front of another person, it was so crazy. My mind was going WHAT THE FUCK?!

Let's talk quick about disgusting men (or not men) and their dicks

After that shitty day I come home and open a message from a guy I wrote to once and basically said hello and goodbye, maybe 1-2 months ago.
I open the message and find two pictures of his fucking dick. REALLY? I could understand a little if I've been flirting with guy. But from no where? What makes the guy think that I want to see his dick.....?
On a regular day I would not care, or maybe just laughed and replied something mean. But yesterday I was giving up on mankind. I felt so disgusted by it. I wanted to crawl out from my own body. Guys that do this kind of things, do they thing they are a big man? It's so wrong, it's probably happened to many people every day but why should it happen?
I don't want that kind of pictures, I do not enjoy it in any way. Even if I have sex with men I do not enjoy looking at there dick that much. And getting a random picture will not make me jump into the bed with a guy. I will be running and screaming the other way.

Of course I blocked him after that and tried to report his account on instagram but it was so fucking complicated to do that for some reason.

Likes

Comments

I got some flowers yesterday in the evening! No not in a romantic way. R the mother of the family she gave me these, because they got to borrow my cage for cats and because this last week has been a little weird emotionally. Something I will talk about in the future but right now I'm not ready for it. But it was a really sweet gesture! A big surprise, someone shows appreciation of me. That doesn't happen every day.

Oh yeah it's Friday! I really don't know how this week past so fast? I'm going to see my curator today. But right now the bed seems to be a better place for this cute body to be honest. I will try to finish my morning coffee and remind myself that I get to go to H&M after if I go to see my curator.

Likes

Comments

Contains affiliate links

Hey guys!

T-shirt from MQ

As I said on Monday it would be a grate week and so far it's been.....but not on the blog. But I've been working on ideas for content for the blog so now I just need to make them come alive, or write and take and make pictures. So be ready because I will be working some interesting topics. And some day soon I will get things ready with studio light and background to take a brand new picture for my header. I have some ideas in my head for how it should be.

I really need to push myself to get a routine. I had some help to make a schedule for the morning. From 08.00 to 09.30 I should have had the time to drink coffee, get ready and walk Enzo. I managed it yesterday when I did it for the first time. After that I just need to get my shit together and work on the other things I want to do.

Likes

Comments

Good morning and welcome to a new week! This week should be better than the last couple of weeks. Yesterdays mission was a success. The cats have a new litter box, I have a new bureau. And Enzo almost have all of his things. Now there is no excuse why the apartment shouldn't be finished this week. I have everything I need. The goal for this week is that the apartment will be flawless when this week is finished.

But I will work on some other goals for this week. More for working on myself. But I have a feeling it's going to be a good week!

Likes

Comments

Good morning! We are waking up to a very grey Sweden today but that doesn't stop Enzo from being happy and have the desire to go out. He doesn't care about what kind of weather it is. That is both good and bad for me......
My mood yesterday was totally off. It was one of those days when to world could go to hell, but I tried to work through it. Maybe the rush from the move is beginning to settle. But I will try to push the feelings away and just keep on going. And today my brother and father is coming. We are going to replace some things in the apartment and than go on a little mission. It will be a good day!

Enzo have some positive energy this morning.....

Likes

Comments

Don't forget to follow me on Instagram (holyengai), most of the time I publish pictures that don't show on the blog. (The right one I published in the morning)

I promised you guys yesterday to give you a better picture of the dress I wore. But I don't think i succeeded with that. Became cute pictures together with Apollo.
In the evening I decided that this dress is not for me anymore. It didn't feel like me. So I will donate it to charity, basically a secondhand store where you can buy clothes very cheap. All of my clothes that I don't want anymore goes to secondhand stores that use the money for a better cause like the Red Cross. I will make a draw with clothes that I don't want anymore so when it's full I will give it away.

Likes

Comments

Good morning everyone on this sunny Saturday (at least sunny where I live)! I made the most amazing breakfast today. Yoghurt with honey roasted oatmeal (made it when I woke up) and berries. I'm really happy that I put some energy into my breakfast today. It became delicious and healthy.

I don't have any big plans for today. Continue with what I didn't finish yesterday. Take a long walk with Enzo in this beautiful weather, maybe bring the camera with us on the walk. Take the day as it comes.

Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend!

Likes

Comments

Mental Health, Life hacks

Or not so social.......

Today I did something I haven't done in a very long time. I sat at the dinner table and ate. Since I live alone I always sit in front of the television and eat because I don't have anyone to talk to. But today I tried to change that. I remember from my therapy from 6 years ago that I should do one thing at the time. Especially when I'm eating. Not watch television and eat at the same time like I always do.

When I sat there with my delicious sallad it felt really weird. I started to see myself in the future when I'm old, eating the same thing the same time every day alone and everything needs to be in a perfect order. Maybe I was a little dramatic. But I felt very lonely when I sat there. It was like a reminder that I don't have anyone to share my meals with. But should not feel like that, there are so many people that eat alone and it's nothing wrong with eating alone and being single. But I think I have problems with being alone and being on my own.
From now on I will practice eating at the dinner table and not in front of the television. Maybe breakfast on weekends I can allow sitting in front of the television to have like a cozy morning.

But at least I had Luna as company during my lunch!

Design your blog - select from dozens of ready-made templates or make your own; simply “point & click” - Click here

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life

It's Friday people! I'm going to do some cleaning for the weekend today, make my little apartment look fresh and nice so I can just enjoy it. Today I going with a relaxed style, no makeup and just a cute dress. Maybe I will give a picture of it later today. My skin really need to take a break. I'm so dry that the skin is falling off. Maybe I should give my self a little home spa tonight. I could really need that.

For the weekend I only have one thing planned and that is my brother and my dad. They will come here with some things that I need. Except for that the weekend will be easy. Maybe me and Enzo will explore the area, that could be fun.

What are you going to do this weekend?

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life, Mental Health

I'm starting to be impressed by myself. For at least six months I haven't been eating breakfast, maybe 1-2 times. Since I moved here I've eaten breakfast maybe seven times and now I don't count with my sick days since nobody feel like food one those days. This week I have made breakfast three times and I eat with the breakfast three times a day. It's crazy for being me and it is a really good change.
Sometimes I eat lunch and dinner with the family and other days I eat dinner or lunch at my place. Tonight I decided to eat at my place. Became a pizza night. Did something different for me and had some fresh vegetables on the top of the pizza. It was so delicious.

Next week I will start to work hard on planning my food and change what it is. I've been lazy the last year but now I feel like my inspiration for food is coming back. My big goal with this is not for my weight or anything like that. It is for my mental health, to see if it makes a different. I think it will help a lot.

I will update you guys along the road!

Likes

Comments

Sex and Love

When I woke up from a nap I realized I want to bring more fun into the blog but that can also educate and start a discussion. One of the things many of us love in life is sex and love. But both of these can be very scary and fun together or separated.
I told my mother about this idea and she thought it was good but was also scared that it could give me some nasty and weird readers. My answer was "I'm not going to start porn on the blog". But I know where she is coming from because as soon as someone mention sex sometimes it's classed as perverse and not something you talk about on a daily basic......if you aren't like me.

Love is hard to talk about but it's not classed as wrong thing to talk about. We don't want to talk about love because feelings are scary. Strong feelings for another person makes us vulnerable. Every time we get our heart broken we say "I will never love someone again" but we will do it again probably. But that vulnerability can be good thing also.

This category will be to discuss, share stories, educate and just have fun with these topics.

I'm starting to realize what I want my blog to be. I want it to be place for girls that wants to maybe find some answers or just relax and think "I'm not alone". A place where thoughts can go crazy. A place to find inspiration to be who you are.

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life

I just wanted to wish you all Good Night (or good day if it is morning where you are). I will have some cozy time in front of a movie and just relax. Today really felt like a day that I just want to eat ice cream and forget about all the problems in life, so that is what I'm going to do.

Likes

Comments

Inspiration

Good morning guys! I'm sitting here looking at pictures at Pinterest and trying to figure out how I will get that warm and cozy feeling into my home. All the walls are white and it is a wood floor. My desk, dining table are white and the rest of the things are black and grey. But the kitchen area have this bright turquoise tiles. Maybe I need to work with fabric and different kind of plants to make it feel cozy. But I need to find cat friendly plants which is a hard mission, because the plants should not be poison or friendly to chew at.
I like when it is a clean interior design but it should also have a warm cozy feeling. I would also like funny details, I have some indian dolls that I got from my grandmother that I think I will hang somewhere. To have those creepy dolls would be unexpected for me to have.

The sad thing when it's not my apartment that I rent or own is that I can not do to many things with it, like making holes or paint a wall so I need to work with what's already here. But fabric, plants and funny details should do the trick.

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life, Style

I must say that I'm totally in love with this sweater from MQ. I bought it after Christmas with my gift card, I only found 2 things that I really loved there and this was one of them, everything else was not my cup of tea. But this one is so cozy to wear and it's so good looking, fits my style perfect.

Either way, most of the things I wanted to do today I got done. I unpacked the last box and feel like everything is almost in order. Everything is falling into place. I will be so happy with my home when it's perfect.

Likes

Comments

Photography

I really need to find the beautiful places here. I've only seen the town here and not so much nature. I need to got further out than I've been before.. But I got some pictures of Winter Wonderland today.

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life, Domestic violence

Today I woke up with a little grief in my heart. It's been one year since I left my home town. Since I had to leave without a choice, pack my life in 30 minutes and not look back.

I haven't miss the town as much as I have missed my mothers apartment. There was something about that apartment I just loved, but soon my mom is coming to Sweden to sell it and I need to focus on starting my life here. But it's hard to let go of something you love and it's been your home for many year, specially when it's not your choice and you are forced to do it. But I hope this year will turn out great and something amazing awaits me around the corner.
But in a crazy way I'm also grateful for this journey. I got to meet some amazing people that I can call my friends. I got a chance to live in the forest that I both loved and hated, did not like my small castle that much to be honest. Now I will get the help that I probably needed many years ago for my mental health.

I don't think I will focus on the grief today. No. I will focus on starting my life here with fixing the last things in my apartment. That's the goal.

This picture is from an sunset in my home town, took it 2016 from my apartment....

Likes

Comments

Everyday Life

Good morning on this beautiful Sunday! I woke up in a good mood. Yesterday me and my dad went to IKEA and bought some really nice things for my new home. One of the things were this cute cactus. I love it! I have it in the window in my bathroom. We also bought a carpet and cabinet instead of a bookshelf, but I will be able to store my book there also. So these next few days all I will have on my mind is organize and clear out things I don't need.

Since I don't work it's very hard for me to feel the different between weekdays and weekend so today I did the luxury of making a café latte. I think that will be one of the small things I will do only on weekend and maybe don't have any alarm on also. I will try to come up some more ideas for weekend specially.

Likes

Comments