What is pain and why do we do anything in our power to stop and rest in it - deep rest (another word for depression)
We fear pain because facing pain means changing. Changing our behaviours and most of all, changing our beliefs. Changing our beliefs can be very scary because beliefs are the only "things" reassuring us that this reality we are experiencing is real and by our beliefs, we have a way of measuring our progress -this again gives us some definable meaning to this life. Changing our beliefs about something, means stepping out into the unknown. Trusting that things will work out, even though we don't have any way of measuring it. This is where pain comes in. The body experiences pain because the belief was held in the body and the body is experiencing a loss of self. It is grieving. When you were a little child, you believed your caretakers - if you didn't it would mean the death of you. As you grew older, you properly realised that many of the things your caretakers told you, didn't add up with the your way of looking at things and you slowly had to withdraw your trust from your caretakers and place them elsewhere. Some found the trust in friends. Partners. Some found gangs. Others found the church or spiritual leaders. Many names, many faces.
Still it was all placed outside of yourself. Pain is experienced when a belief is no longer giving you the same satisfaction as it did in the past. You want to keep doing the same thing you have always done but the fact of the matter is YOU are not the same anymore. You have changed but your patterns, routines and beliefs have not and you experience a kind of "friction" or "rubbing" of realities. Safe bet is doing the same but knowing this doesn't make you happy any longer, makes it difficult to continue on this path. Letting go of your beliefs and changing WITH you, directs you to another "roadblock" -walking in blind. What you have believed in and has kept you sane up until now, you need to let go of! That can be a scary process, especially if you have never really learned how to trust in yourself, your inner voice, your intuition. It has many names. It feels like walking in the dark. There is pain to be met on both journeys. One is the pain in staying on the same path, knowing it no longer gives you the same joy but you continue because of fear of putting true trust in yourself, letting go of all control and past programming and embracing the change of YOU.
The other road is painful too because you have to shed all the layers and beliefs about you and how you view things and start trusting in that little voice you have neglected for so many years. This can lead you straight into depression, which is really just Deep Rest -however you want to look at it. It is needed, like the cocoon state is needed for the the emerging butterfly. It is a transformative state and it is well worth it because what is waiting for you on the other side is more beautiful than anything you have ever experienced before. Pain is beautiful. Pain makes us see things clearer. Pain makes us see how much more deeply we can love ourselves. Pain makes us stop. When we really dive into pain, it dissolves and we become peaceful. Resistance disappears, which was what was causing the pain and we realise that pain is actually love in disguise. Our inner beings always wants what is best for us. They are trying to guide us all the time. All we need to do is get out of the way. It is really easy. We are the ones making it hard by resisting.
Dive in. Have a rest. You deserve the very best.