Life update - End of summer

I feel like I haven’t really written a life update here in a long time. I think the last life update I wrote was in April. But I have updated you on some stuff in other blog posts. But today I figured I’d write a life update.

I have written recently that I feel like I have been in a rut. For the past two weeks I haven’t been to the gym at all, I have laid in bed more than I have been outside, I have eaten really unhealthy food and chocolate way too much. And to be honest, it has not made me feel good at all. So, why do I keep doing this to myself? I am a very productive, motivated and happy person. And I haven’t been that in a couple weeks. I am not myself. And I need to change that. Because if I don’t change, I might lose myself, and I don’t want that. I need to get my shit together.

So, how will I change? How will I pick myself up? Well, first of all, it takes effort. I need to put in the work, and stop choosing the easy way out. I need to get into routine and do stuff. You see, I don’t do much during the week. Most weeks I see my support people, yes, and I go to the gym, but other than that, I’m home alone while babe is away. Of course, when he gets home we cook and watch moves and so on. I love those parts of my day. But yeah, when I'm alone, of course it’s easy to stay in bed because I have literally not many things to do. I want to change that. So, I did.

Today is Monday. A new week, new chances, new plans, new opportunities and dreams to follow. Instead of waking up at 10 am like I’ve done recently, I set my alarm for 8am and got up. I was tired, but I knew I had to get up because it’s the start of a routine. I need to put in the effort, and that’s what I did. Instead of staying home all day, I took the bus to the center and here I am in a coffee shop writing this. I am proud of myself, so so proud. I have my vanilla cafe latte and my laptop here and it’s quiet and I love it.

I know I had to get my shit together, so I did. And I will continue on. I have planned to have my alarm set for 8am now so that I will stick to a routine and be more productive. I have to plan out my days so I won’t get too bored. I have also been slacking on reading, which also, is not like myself. Dad ordered new books for me for autumn and they are on their way, so I have to finish reading “think and grow rich” so that I can start reading my new books once they arrive. I will write a fall reading list blog post here this autumn, yay! I also need to create a routine and stick to it because in two months, school starts, and then I really need a routine, so I want to create that in time.

We have been living together with babe for a little over 4 months, and I still love it as much as I did day one. I love him more than anything and I am so thankful to have such an amazing person in my life. I feel like I am falling more in love with him for every day that passes. We have our ups and downs, but no matter how difficult some things get, we always figure it out. And that’s also a thing I love about him, he doesn’t give up on me.

I have not gone to therapy in about six weeks because she has been on vacation or whatever you want to call it. But on Wednesday it starts again and I am so relieved.

Mentally, I have been doing okay. Not so good, because all this unmotivation and being in a rut and so on. But I know that the happy, normal me, will shine soon again. I’m not sad or depressed or anything, and I haven’t had that much anxiety recently, almost at all. I am okay. No need to worry. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts or anything like that in a really really long time. I am 4 months clean and I will continue on being clean. Self harm has not crossed my mind at all, and I really feel like I’m recovered.

Summer is soon over. It’s been getting colder outside, and I love it. I get to wear hoodies and I am loving it. And I love that it’s not hot at home so I sleep better. Because this summer has been so hot that it’s been difficult to sleep. But recently I’ve slept really well.

I will go to my dad’s place soon to get all my autumn and winter clothes, meaning all my sweaters and hoodies. I am soo excited. Autumn is my favorite season and I will enjoy it to the fullest. Summer was nice, like it always is, but honestly it was way too hot, pretty much all the time. I didn’t really enjoy that. I didn’t do so much this summer, but I try not to beat myself up for it. It’s okay.

I have to stop waiting for the perfect moment to do things. Because life is going by and it’s a waste of time to wait. I always think “tomorrow” which is not the right way to think, in my opinion. I am so thankful to have this life, this amazing life, and I want to make the most of it. I didn’t do much this summer, I have been in a rut for the past two weeks. I have wasted time. I don’t want to do that anymore. I will not do that anymore. Of course I can’t be productive and motivated all the time. It’s impossible. But I need to be more productive than I have been recently. Life is happening. Right. Now. Don’t wait.