These past couple of weeks I have been dealing with a lot of stress. The biggest thing that has caused me a lot of stress is the decisions on what I want to do with my future school wise. And the pressure I get from dad wanting me to become a nurse is making me feel, not just stressed, but kind of sad also. I feel in my heart that becoming a nurse or anything like that, is not my path to take. At least not at this point in my life. I want to please people in my life, especially dad, but I also remember to keep in mind that it’s my future and my choice on what I want to do. But then again, what the fuck do I want to do? I have one week to figure this out because in exactly one week we make applications for schools. I try to not overthink or stress too much, and I remember to keep a positive mind. I know I will figure this out. But I have to do it quickly. We will see what I end up choosing.
But honestly, I think that I have never stressed this much about anything before. Which I mean is understandable because these are big things to think about. I have had stomach ache and headaches and mental breakdowns a lot because of this. I literally sleep to escape this stress. I had to take a break from writing this because I started crying. But I’m now okay and I have calmed down. What I also feel is that I have kind of lost a sense of spark that I have. By this I mean I haven't experienced a lot of joy lately. Of course I am happy to be with my boyfriend everyday and we have exciting things happening, which bring me joy. But I mean I feel kind of numb? But I’m just reminding myself that when I have made the applications for school, I will feel so relieved. This exciting thing that will happen in a couple weeks will bring me so much joy. I won’t tell you about it yet, but all I can say is that no, I’m not pregnant, haha!
After uploading this blog post I’m going to take a hot shower and wash off the stress, watch my favorite YouTubers or maybe a movie, drink water or maybe make a cup of tea, relax and journal down my thoughts and affirmations.
I hope you all are doing well, I am okay. I’m sending you all hugs.
Talk to you soon, xx.