Being in a rut

I know I wrote just a couple days ago, but I really feel like writing again. In my recent blog post I wrote how happy I am and so on. But I’d be lying if I said I’m doing well. This might not be the most positive blog post, but I hope it’s ok.

For the last week and a half, I’ve not been feeling that good. I haven’t been to the gym since last Monday. Well, I hurt my back so that’s a reason why. But the pain went away eventually, but I still didn’t go to the gym. It’s not that I’m lazy, I think, but exhausted. I haven’t been feeling the best, to be honest. I’m a bit lost. It’s like there is fog around me and I can’t see anything. It’s not that I am depressed, I wouldn’t say that. I’m just, lost.

I do get support and I’m thankful for it. And next week my therapy starts again and I’m relieved.

I have my family and my boyfriend that support me. But what I’ve noticed is that I would love to have more friends, because I don’t have a lot of those. I would love to have a friend whom I could go for coffee with or to the movies. But, I don’t have those friends, or that friend. And it sucks. I guess that when school starts in October, I’ll make new friends, I hope.

I’ve been really tired for the last week or so. Up to three hour naps every single day, hours and hours of YouTube and laying in bed. That’s what most of my days look like. I don’t have a lot of plans every week, and at the same time, I love it, but also hate it. I love it because then I can sleep as long as I want and stay in my comfort zone. But I hate it because I get lonely and sometimes even bored.

I guess I can call this, being in a rut. I have to pick myself up before I crash. I know I’m strong and I can do anything I put my mind into. It’s hard to get up after I’ve fallen down, but I know I have the strength.

Yesterday we went to bed before 12 am, and today I woke up at 8 am, not tired at all. I don’t have any plans for today outside home. But I still wanted to wake up early to get my day started, and I know that I would feel bad if I woke up at like 10am. I started my morning off with a cup of coffee, journaling and making a To-Do list. I read for a bit and I will continue later. My goal for every day is to read at least one hour per day. And as much as I love reading, I’ve even been slacking on that. But anyway, today I will get back at it. I also ate a healthy breakfast (natural coconut yogurt with kiwi fruit), showered, put on clothes (that are not pj’s) and put on makeup. I have laundy going on at the moment and I’m currently writing this. I don’t have much on my To-Do list but it’s okay. I don’t know what I’ll do for the rest of the day, we’ll see. But I will try my hardest to take good care of myself today and get my shit together.

You see, I’m not happy all the time, but it’s ok, it’s normal. I know I’ll be back to being myself soon again. Everything is going to be okay.