Onyx Fades// Feeling Alone around people

  At times, I feel alone even though I am not. I believe from time to time we all have this loneliness. Wheater around strangers or people we have know for awhile.

Let me tell you a story.

Carrie gets herself ready to meet up with friends. That are hanging at the downtown bar and grill restaurant.

Double checking that she has everything. Wallet. Keys. Phone.

Her curls are in tact. The smokey eyeshadow is covering her outer eyelids in just the right way.

Golden amber and brown hues that placed in the center and inner corners of her eyes. Makes her brown almond eyes more seductive as she blends he colors into one another.

Throwing on her favorite black dress and slipping on high heels. She is out the door.
She has no problem parking at the restaurant but when she sees the heavy flow of people going in and out.

Her mind start to run with.
Ok. I am going to check my make and find my friends. No big deal.

Her heel click on the marble scratched floors that have been roughed up.

By the many soles of shoes who come and leave.Her friends call out and she join them at a coner booth.

"We have already ordered water for you because we know you don't drink."
"Thanks, Sara."

Each of the talk about their day,the weather and every other genuine but common question. Then they began to ask about dates and marriage.

Carrie is not looking to date anytime soon because of her swim wear business that is looking to ship internationally.

Her friends don't even know about her business btw.

Almost all of the five girls at the table have said that they are married or are in a serious relationship.

"Carrie what about you, don't you have someone by now?"

Sara does not hesitate to respond

"Dena don't say that!"

"...No" Carrie said to her .

"Oh...... well that's alright." Dena continues to sip her tequila.
Minutes pass.

Carrie sits back and starts to look around the table, some are on their phones, others are talking to one another and she can't help but think to herself.

Why am I even here?

She just continue to drink her water and stare out of the window. Feeling more lonely than she felt before going out

There are ways to handle feeling alone. Let me tell you about a few.

1. Being bare with yourself

Is a good way to start on a self discovery journey that can help aid. You in the long run.

Why do I feel this way?

Is this only when I am around small crowds of people?

When I feel this way, it usually starts with me being introduced by a friend to a new person.
Which is kinda odd because I already know someone there.

I guess since it the fact that I do not know that other person. My personality just closes up and I don't talk that much.

Just observing. My friend and the other person talking to each other. I happen to interject here and there but remain silent for most of the interaction.

In my mind I sort of think about making a good impression with this new person.

Not to be too out there,not to be to revealing, not to be me. Which causes me anxiety if I hold on to a stressful mindset.
I end up letting go and just saying screw it.

I don't know this person and I may or may not met this person again.

Why not have fun with it?

2. Over it. I know it won't be that easy but it is a start.

Thinking about what other people are thinking about YOU. Is stressful because you put yourself under this pressure that is bound to cause you anxiety.

Breath it's ok. It is honestly alright to be afriad. It is also alright to care what other people think talk about. Because the only way to know what someone else is thinking about is if you.

1.Are them

And

2. They tell you.

When it comes to approaching people to began a conversation. Just breath and walk up towards them. Bring up the social situation.

As in how did meet so and so, what is your favorite pieces in this art gallery or if you are at an outdoor concert. Then ask them about their favorite song from the band.

Something light hearted and not to deep. The deep and meaningful questions can be left for later.

All in all remember to have fun and just enjoy.
Enjoying being outside engaging with people. Going places and savoring the the moment.
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Love you all,
Nina

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