Self-confidence is relative written by Kira

One of my favorite fellow writers is back with a post of her own! This Monday Kira discusses an important lesson regarding self-confidence, enjoy! If you thought of something while reading then let us know, both me and Kira appreciate feedback. Hugs & have a happy Monday❤️

Self-confidence can come from various places. The most effective one, in my opinion, is the one born out of mistakes from which we learn and then grow as people. However, I am not well-versed in this kind as I’ve been a socially awkward person as long as I can remember. I just prefer to play to my strengths. But even playing to your preferred qualities can make things difficult, because if you do only play to these strengths, then you won’t learn much else which can make you mad at yourself in another way.
I have gone outside of my comfort zone multiple times in my life (don’t let the above fool you), and this hasn’t really made me more confident. In actuality, it’s made me more cautious because I feel as though anything that takes “too long” to learn or to get used to, is not worth the effort. Yes, I have seen the error in that multiple times before, and I need to repeat this error in my mind even now.

What also makes it difficult is being seen as a failure, maybe not in your own eyes but maybe in the eyes of your peers, or the peers you’ve been told to befriend, and you parent or legal guardian. If you are an observant person like me, who is also socially awkward, and bad at communication, this can plant a seed of doubt in you. I can remember even as I was younger that my parents could praise me and, in my mind, I thought they weren’t telling the truth. I saw it in the way they acted when they didn’t pay attention to me, their gazes and their sighs that were timed when I tried to speak up but couldn’t. It wasn’t hard to see this, and it really turned me into a sort of monster; someone who wanted to try new things until I didn’t, and someone who cared too much about what others thought.

I vividly remember that I wasn’t good at sports (not a big surprise, they didn’t make sense to me) or any running game, but I did like stories. I liked to talk about things with people, but not my peers. Mostly it was the teachers in school. The ones that didn’t tire from hearing me spout my kid-questions and so on, that is. I did also meet some who tired from it, which were the ones who I still can remember as teachers who I felt weren’t the right ones for me. I still talk about this with a good friend of mine who wants to be a teacher and who I’m confident will inspire a lot of kids to go for their dreams, whatever it is.
Still, my confidence was also rattled by the absence of my parents’ praise. Or their true praise, I should say. After I realized that lies were easy to see through, that they somehow thought that anything they said I would believe, a lot of hat should’ve been me growing into someone better that my young self, somehow slipped through the cracks. I don’t blame them, entirely. I do blame myself for not speaking up, but whenever I tried turning the conversation, I turned into the enemy, as I couldn’t put my thoughts into the proper words to stress my concerns enough. The stutter I sometimes got, didn’t do me any favors to be seen as someone a bit more mature, which in a way was all this revolved around.

There have been moments, in more recent years as I’ve grown up, where I’ve tried to use my new-found voice to talk about my opinions, but then they’ve still been overlooked because from their perspective I still am too childish to have clear opinions. And maybe I do, at least in subjects I don’t know enough about to have strong opinions about, but I also know something about it, and I think it should be enough to have some say in what happens in the world around me. I still try to put something out there, that needs to be mentioned in the discussion.

So, as I’ve established that even if I need to be validated by people to actually feel like I’m doing something right, and that I myself sow the seeds of doubt in myself, I should bring some reassurance. There are those golden moments when those feelings brought by an untrusting nature disappear from my mind, and I let my emotions take the wheel and it doesn’t feel wrong in any sense. It just takes different shapes to get to me in that way. If a teacher tells me I’ve done a good job, I might be happy for a while, but mostly I get a rush of self-confidence from someone new telling me that they recognize a thought I’ve shared (usually one that I’ve felt has been out-of-place in a discussion) and that they think my perspective helped them. That kind of connection has become increasingly difficult t find, but I don’t ever stop looking for it in the subjects that I know are my most comfortable ones and that I want to expand within the group I have found because it’s finally the time for me to come out of that shell that I’ve lived in for much too long.

And even with people I see as very different from me, especially concerning things like self-confidence levels in different areas like big social gatherings and just being alright with your past, I can be alright with sharing my (in my own opinion) most horrifying experiences. This because I know they might understand or somehow debunk my thoughts about it and then make me feel more comfortable with myself, which I usually add on because I believe that’s important to tell someone so that they know I appreciate them.

In conclusion; I like to put my self-confidence in my strengths, the ones I haven’t really trusted in before that is. Putting more thought into art has helped give it a new perspective, and especially writing by myself and about character traits that I have experience in, I notice the reward from my life, that these things that have happened to me are the fuel that gives my work that much more soul and reality which makes it as good as it gets. And people who I give these texts to, who I share my experiences with, and whom I know I can trust with secrets and hopes and dreams that I didn’t even know I had in me, is the biggest step in the right direction I could have taken. The creator of this wonderful blog, who has helped me come out of the shell of my own self-loathing, should have a lot of praise for doing so. The way she can get someone to be themselves thanks to her beautiful words and optimism, it’s what will make the world a better place one day at a time.

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