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Isolation - an inner narrative during the quarantine
Hello! As I writer I am often like an abstract expressionist painter. Such as the face of that art movement, Jackson Pollock the famous action painter. I often express my emotions directly rather than trying to illustrate them. I approch my work from all angles and I write without censoring myself. Mistakes are embraced as a part of the creative process. The following text called "Isolation" is an inner narrative on how we might feel like, right now during the quarantine and how our emotions flow from anger to sadness, from joy to depression. I wish that you could see it as an abstract painting. Let your own inner narrative guide you when reading.
//Rebecka
If you would be stuck in a prison cell after commiting a crime would you just sit there thinking about what is wrong and what is right, from morning to night? Or would your mind and body just try to survive, one day at the time? We humans like to think of ourselves as fighters and survivors, but are we really? This isolation of ours brings out our true nature, as individuals and as a large collective. No matter if we like it or not. I need a little spark of inspiration! Each hour and minute might begin to feel the same. Each passing day seems to slowly fade away. The concept of time has gone far away. Beyond this galaxy and perhaps even the universe that we call ours - the thing that made us feel safe. There is sunshine outside my window and a message in my phone. Which call should I answer? Sometimes I just don't know.
I am grateful, I am kind, I try my very best, put on that beautiful smile. Each day I have to fight the laziness in my mind. My brain and body wish to sleep. Wanting to become one with those mainstream doxa following zombies that surround us all the time! But each day the sun will rise and shine all over the prison inside my mind. It is me who fights! It is me who fights with the power of my own mind! Do I really want to cry? or do I want to start again and try? Anything it takes to survive, this insane narrative that could turn my mind into a prison if I let it do so. I seek freedom like it would be a place someone could travel to. I seem to associate freedom with another place and another time, when really all it is... It is a product of the mind. And one day I'll begin to dance and sing, letting my spirit fly, feeling sky high. The other I fall against the earth, feeling the growned as a comfortable warmt underneath me, hugging me, caring for me, showing me uncondintional love, the greatest love there is. Then I begin to raise, rising from the ashes, not afraid of starting all over again. A new beginning could also be and end, an end of something that I would not want to befriend.
In the middle of this isolation I try my best to strive. But no matter how hard I try sometimes the streets outside are just as empty as my mind. I search for solutions, an inner light, logic, visions, fire. How far can I go, how many times can one person start over? Fall asleep, stay awake, do something important and then repeat. Sometimes the room feels larger, sometimes I feel like I should shrink. I dream of people holding hands, children running in the streets, open libraries and grabbing something to eat. I have opened The Bible and other good books, I have stared at my own writings like it was a horcrux. How deep must I fall to accept myself, how far must I reach in order to find all of the answers that we as humans seek. I try to survive, I always do, I try to be my own sun and so should you.
We live in a time filled with perhaps and what if. What if this and that, perhaps I should clean! Perhaps there is no use of being clean or having a clean environment. What does it matter if it can't be seen? Does it matter how I feel, should I become dramatic and start to scream? I want us to be safe and stay at home but at the same time I just wish we could go! I want to run away to never return. Perhaps the outside holds some new things to learn. I'm sorry that I'm negative, I'm sorry if I'm too positive, sorry if I'm too neutral. This situation is so dada! Such a clear form of dadaism. The now that we live in is nothing but all and nothing and both of those in the exact same time. Hahaa, no but it isn't a lie! You and me, we just have to try. Doing whatever it takes to survive.
So tell me how are you today? Is there anything I could do to make the pain go away? For long I can't stay, I am afraid, I must return back home and there I shall remain. Until this isolation will end and all of the trouble surrounding us has gone away. Just please sail away. Sail away, until you aren't present in our lives all of these nights and all of these days. Stay at home, stay safe that is what they say. But they don't know me and the powers of my mind I am afraid. It has already traveled through space and time and it shall continue to do so, for the rest of my life.
