There are two things in life that I love more than anything in the world and those are friends and words and yes in that exact order. And that is why I present my dear friend, a co-writer, a fellow artist, Kira ❤️ She is the bright guest star of my blog today and I'm glad that she wrote and wanted to share this brilliant and relatable masterpiece with you guys, my wonderful readers ✨ So enjoy and let the words of Kira speak to you!
I’d like to discuss a subject I think a lot of people (in the First World) might relate to, and the first challenge would be to put a certain label on the problem at hand. I’m talking about people with a less obvious understanding of the word justice, to an extent. The people I feel have gotten their minds around the fact that they might be the cause of a problem but refuse to take any responsibility for it, and who only want themselves to be seen as the victim no matter the case. A good example of this can be taken from a well-known situation of a costumer wanting to see the manager. This example, though I have never been on the other side of it, i.e. a server/cashier, serves to show that these people exist and they want to be heard. The person in the role of the costumer usually has some complaint that is ridiculous, or so the stories I’ve read from other people with experience in customer service have said. Here’s a simple example off the top of my head:
Costumer: “I want ice in my drink but I don’t want it at the top of the glass, but at the bottom”
Cashier: “… sir/madame that’s against the laws of physics”
Costumer: “Um the costumer is always right, let me speak to your manager”
I brought this up to maybe show you how it feels to deal with these people in these kinds of situations. The idea of an objective right and wrong is impossible, because the Customer will always assume they are right and should be served.
Now imagine yourselves in everyday situations where these same people need to deal with problems. Perhaps someone you’re friends with is sort of mean to everyone and only wants the group to do what they want to do? What should you do, when your friends seem to not care about it enough to do anything about it, even though they speak ill of them behind their back?
I’ve been in similar situations, and tried to be direct about my approach, but it somehow ended up with me being ostracized from the group because they believed I was too mean. Sometimes this really bothers me, trying to call out these mean people with their ulterior motives, and only getting crap for it. It really drives me out of the situation entirely, since I lose interest in being friends with people who can somehow see through these Customers and still be friend with them for some reason. People who don’t try to change the situation for the better.
Another situation, just to show you how this kind of behavior can reach any aspect of one’s life, would be people who have that idea of themselves that they know better, even as they’re in a situation where they so obviously don’t want to speak the truth in fear of outing themselves as the person in the wrong. Those who lie to others about the situation to make themselves look like they did something right and you did something irrational.
To put this into a scenario so to better explain it, let’s say one of your friends has just moved to the town in which you’re studying. You know the city pretty well, you can recognize the most well-known streets and the malls/cafes/boutiques that are scattered around. The friend who moves in with you doesn’t know the city too well, and you sometimes worry about that since (I mean it’s a big city and there’s been disappearances in the news, although seldom). They don’t always tell you when they’ll be home and when they do, its late at night with not-so-detailed explanations of their whereabout.
“I’m on Sesame Street” – “close to a building with the toy store on it”
“…” (has no idea what location they’re referring to)
To paint the best picture let me tell you another story about two sisters. One of them was exactly this person and the story was as I explained earlier. Her sister got upset sometimes because she didn’t understand how worrisome the behavior made her. One time she left without notice again, in the afternoon, and her sister texted her just to ask if she went to the store and if she could buy something for their apartment. She replied that she was meeting someone who sold used dresses on an online flee market, and she left to go get it from them at their apartment. She only gave away the street name she was on and got defensive as the sister tried to get the rest of the address. Fast forward to a few weeks later, at their parents’ house. She had tattled about the exchange to their mother who became irritated at the sister for being too intrusive on her own personal life. Turns out however, that the sister had lied to their mom about where she tried on a dress and told her she went to a clothing store. When the mother was told the truth she paused, and just replied “ok.” And this was the last they spoke of these kinds of things, and there wasn’t going to be another mention of it to ruin their normal family life.
I believe these people need some serious self-reflection if they don’t realize how toxic this sort of behavior is, because they don’t actually seem to notice how it affects the people around them and the people who do comment on it rarely get their voice heard in my experience. I’m sure there are some people who do listen and then whittle down their ego and act more like everyone else. I just wish I could see more people who do stand up for the objectively right side and refuse to let their friends, co-workers and even sisters be allowed to behave in such a childish way.
There is no real solution to this problem, as I have also noted through my attempts at pointing some people out. I only try to face the people I know well enough to know it isn’t behavior that’s linked to a difficult life situation or anything like that, it’s etched into their personality. The only solution there is to this is, to just try to stand them even if they’re close to you like a colleague, a student, or a regular Costumer. And maybe one day they realize what their behavior does to the people around them. Stubbornness should never be underestimated, especially if the people also tend to have some underlying insecurity which fuels their need to be correct.
Kira (Guest writer person)