Looking through the window and dreaming about days at the beach, talking about the upcoming summer vacation instead of listening to what the teacher has to say and almost hoping that it would be time for a physical education lesson just to be able to enjoy the sunshine... we've all been there. So, as a teacher of the future I thought what I would do at a time like this.

I decided to bring the classroom outside.

1.

Art class

"Thinking ouside the box, bring art outside and the entire environment becomes a masterpiece"

2.

Philosophy & Science

"The big thoughts are all around us, you can almost sense the presence of Newton near these apple trees"

3.

Languages

"What are these branches of knowledge telling you? Who has climbed this tree before us? What do you think?"

As the summer wind blows I stand at the first step, right in the beginning of my life. Right in that moment I decided I wanted to climb, strech my mind and my arms further but holding my feet against the ground. I took the next step and I felt my inner strength pushing me forward as the wind against me became much stronger. As I took the next step, the world I so much wanted to change seemed much further away from me as I stood there looking over a city that was so big that it didn't really seem like anyones home. Loneliness flew over the rooftops reaching towards a sky filled with dreams of citizens, lonely dreams. But I kept climbing until I reached a point where I couldn't turn back anymore. At the same time I said goodbye as I stepped forward in order to greet what was to come.

The stairway to success was crowded. People holding on to each other, people slowing down and becoming tired and trying to reach out for a helping hand, but the way to success is lonely but should it really be? People pushing each other down. I walked alone, I walked passed them, watching over the situation. Even if all creative people had to use the same stairway in order to reach their goals within the arts it was a huge misstake to take a step towards someone elses path towards success, instead of using that of my own, because there could not be anything quite like it. So for a moment there I got lost, fell into a darkness of being unsure about myself. But it wasn't until the day that I realized that I could fly instead of climbing my way up towards my dreams that I noticed what had helped me during the way, the magic behind what had made my wings grow strong. I had a dream a lonely little hidden dream that continues to be only a dream unless I'll say it out loud which I'm going to do right now, for the first time ever.

I remember sitting back in my families car during many dark and cold winter evenings (Finland). At that time I took art and ballet classes after school. My parents always encouraged me to enlarge my creative capacities. I had once heard them play Tschaikowsky and my mom told me that the music I heard had been made into a ballet called "Swan Lake". All I knew back then was that I wanted to hear this more often, in fact I wanted to listen to it as much as possible, so I started dancing in order to listen to the sweet sounds of one of my favorite composers.When I was already dancing I loved watching the TV-series about Beatrix Potter and her stories a´bout Peter the rabbit and his friends because of it's beautiful intro. I heard myself saying;"maybe if I painted I would be able to do it while listening to that beautiful intro". So as I knew I was suddenly learning how to do a plié and about Vincent van Gogh's dark past. (there are some inside jokes around this between me and some of my friends so I felt the need to mention it) And as I sat there in our car after each lesson I felt happier than ever, since the radiostation we listened to happened to play songs like "Tú" By Umberto Tozzi. By the time summer came I sat outside even when it rained. I listened to the soothing sounds of nature, hoping it to turn out like in the movie "Bambi" where the sounds of rain created a beautiful song but it never happened so I went back inside singing "Oops!... I did it again" instead.

At the age of 11 I died a little inside. Somehow I felt like "my soul was sensitive and my heart was weak" as I wrote in one of my diary entries. But then I saw Camp Rock for the very first time, according to me one of the best Disney Channel movies of all times. It's main character Mitchie Torres (Demi Lovato) loved music just like me and she kept a notebook filled with songs she had written By herself. And just like me at that time, she was shy about sining in front of people so "This is me" became my jam, sinec I found that the lyrics of it perfectly described my life and will probably continue to do so forever more. "I've always been the kind of girl that hid my face. So afraid to tell the world what I've got to say." No need to get overly sensitive about it but everytime I hear this song the shy little 11 yo me suddenly wakes up inside me and that really makes me cry. There I said it, I'm open about my emotions.

My point here is that since I saw "Camp Rock" I noticed that music really is all about stories and I just happen to be all about that. So I started to write songs of my own and yes I knew absolutely nothing else about music than the fact that I loved it more than anything. So I kept wearing a shirt saying "I love music" and I sung my heart out as often as I could. And now moving on to the sad part in this little story of my life. My environment told me to play out a role that really wasn't me and that role of mine had nothing to do with music at all. I was told to be a shy girl who could never perform in front of an audience. So I did what I was told too like any sensitive teenager would and with it came the silence. But the music never died.

I started to surround myself with music as much as I could and as I joined the school choir I still felt afraid to perform in front of an audience. But at the same time I wanted to show everyone my passion and sing all alone without caring whether or not I was good or bad at it.I never felt like I got that chance or if I was offered a chance I never took it because of my many insecurities, So I went silent once again. But the music never dies.

Nowadays I listen to music when I'm writing stories of my own, like a soundtrack to my own life. What I write = my life. My life has changed a lot during the past couple of years and I'm forever greatful for that but my dream of sining all by myself in front of an audience still remains. But as the selfmade woman I am I think I can make it at some point. Until that my wings will grow even stronger with the help of some good music.

Thanks a lot for reading & have an amazing week :)!

/Rebecka,

The past of mine.

The current situation, baam!