Hello lovely people of the Earth! 🌻❤🎶 I hope all of you are doing well and have enjoyed your weekend & week for that matter. Wrote this on Sunday but was in such an odd mood yesterday that I didn't feel like posting. For this week I decided to skip that list of weather, music etc. Why? Because, I realised it would become very boring to read almost the same message each week for those of my friends and readers, whom are loyal to me and keep returing to my blog no matter what. Btw, thank you to those who do, makes me feel like there is someone out there who gets something out of my texts! ❤ I will tell you tho, that this walk was 5km in length and probably the most difficult one to take in a long time, so many things going on in my life right now and at such a fast speed! Thankfully, even if life doesn't slow down, my blog helps me to do so. This post will discuss self image, self worth and beauty. Hopefully someone out there gains something from this. Sending lots of love and blessings your way 💖🦄🌟🎀💎
A teenager looks at herself in the mirror. But she barely looks. When she sees herself she sees hurtful words. Words by people in the past. She has trouble distancing herself from all of that. She has trouble to see what is in front of her without applying past hurt into what she sees. So it's better to not face a mirror at all, she thinks to herself. Yet, she is intrigued by the diverse beauty of women older than herself. She starts to understand and recognize that this world has room for many different kinds of beauty. Sadly, she finds it difficult to include herself into that same category and admiration that she places other women in. She doesn't compete or chase after impossible standards. She dresses as she wants to and explores her style, all of her likes and dislikes. She wears make up, perhaps in the completely wrong shade but it makes her feel better. She can hide her insecurity and judgement of self behind lipstick, mascara and powder. At age 11 she started wearing purple lipstick to school, at a 14 a morning without spending time fixing herself in front of a mirror is not morning at all. At age 16 she starts to understands the importance of skin care. At age 18 she doesn't give an f about her looks, she chases experiences and highs instead. At age 19 she comes home alone drunk, crying cause she returned home alone, thinking it is in direct correlation with her worth. At age 20 she thinks she has gathered enough confidence and love towards herself but it is all an image that comes crashing down when life throws difficulty in her way. When she is 23 a little girl looks up to her and smiles, saying "I love you, I look up to you, you are beautiful". And in her heart she feels the warmth, because now she actually believes it to be the truth.
It just hit me, as I was walking down the street, how much ones self image changes throughout the years but not only that also the fact that what we choose to define ourselves with. As a little child, the way you invent new ideas or how fast you run are important parts of your identity. As a teen your friends, experiences and your likes and dislikes take over and become a huge part of your identity just to name a few things. But you apperance also plays a key role in how you view yourself. When you were little your body was nothing more than a body until it was looked at, viewed at, seen as more than just your body. Your body was suddenly a part of society, a part of your environment just like you. It was suddenly seen as part of your worth and value. The clothes you were wearing suddenly started to matter. The way your hair was suddenly mattered.
And maybe you, just like me and many other young girls stood in front the mirror while at dance class wondering why you didn't look like a ballerina or Disney Princess yet and wondering how something you barely noticed about yourself before came to play a big part of how you started viewing yourself. I decided what was beautiful and I decided that beautiful did not equal me. If there is something I regret in life it is this decision. If I would have decided to feel beautiful no matter what, I would not have put myself into years of negative limiting belifes. So to my younger self: Beauty can be individual as much at it can be societal.
I don't know if this is a common occurence but since I decided that my looks were nothing to be proud of (kind of good but not really), I decided to convince people I had a 10/10 personality instead. I read and studied to become smart. I met people from all walks of life to become wise. I worked in jobs on all career fields just to become less judgemental. My "lack of looks" became one of my greatest motivators. And yet, even when when my life was fulfilling, even if I was mostly happy and proud of my accomplishments and journey towards being a good person, even then I looked at myself with judgement. Judgement, cause I thought that I still wasn't good enough. Because I lacked the beauty to present my work. I started to avoid having my picture taken. I started to detach myself from situations that would bring me in the spotlight for all to see. I even went to the extremes of avoiding going on dates and meeting my people, cause in my head I thought "they deserve more than someone as ugly as me". Think about it for a second. Do you see how limiting it was? Do you see how crazy it all sounds? You probably do but back then that was my reality.
Yes, it is true looks aren't everything but it does unfortunately play a big role in the world in many different ways and situations. Currently looks do matter, do I like it? No. Is it the truth? Yes. Can we still live a meaningful life and be happy with ourselves? Of course!
One day I decided to stop obsessing over beauty. To do things from an authentic place and with the correct mindset instead. I decided to focus on giving myself the validation I was seeking from outside sources. I decided that I had the right to feel good and make choices in life that would increase my happiness. And with that choice, I started to feel more secure in my physical apperance as well. It was now that I understood what an amazing gift it is to live with a healthy, well functioning body that helps me live the life that I desire. Feet to walk and run with, eyes to enjoy beautiful places that I visited, a brain for creative ideas and for storing complex sequences of emotions and logic, hands to draw with, a nose to smell the scent of fresh coffee on a lazy Sunday morning... And through this gratitude I started to view my body in a more positive light, I started to claim it as my own again like that little kid who didn't care as long as she was happy and outside enjoying the sunshine on a beautiful day.
Slowly but surely I started to value myself and my body so much that it lead me towards making healthier choices. I realised that unhealthy habits were an unclear way of showing my body that I didn't care about it. Once my body and mind became cared for I was suddenly founding the confidence in me and my looks so much so that I completely accepted it, even all of its flaws. Who would want to live the rest of their life with an inner critic like no other pointing out each and every flaw? Nobody.
No worries though if you are here still in the midst of listening to that limiting inner voice. I have worked years to better myself and I think I've collected enough mental tools to help you on your journey too. Let's explore it together next, shall we?
My advice collected over the years for a better body image and feeling more confident in ones looks:
1. Declare to yourself that you are beautiful outside of any standard or trend
Let's face it. What is considered to be handsome or beautiful by the larger majority will always change. What is seen as fashionable and trendy today might be seen as absurd and tasteless in 10 years. Without it fashion and make up would pretty much loose its essence and meaning! But realising this simple fact will make your life easier. Not only do you now get the choice to decide which trends to follow and which you choose to ignore but this leads to another interesting revalation: at some point somewhere your body or an aspect of it, has been or will be considered as the ideal. For example people always used to point out my butt was too big, well what happens to be trendy now? However, choose to accept that you are beautiful/good looking simply by existing, not if and how you match a certain standard. You can be the most stylish person out there yet what makes you beautiful is the fact that you are content within by who you are on the outside.
2. Understand that your flaws can be your greatest asset
This goes with everything not just looks! Your so called "flaws" may just be the most valuable part of you. I have found that what we people state to be our flaws is actually the very parts of us that makes us unique and stand out. So let me ask you again: do you have flaws or are you just unique?
3. If it is difficult to love your body, start to appreciate having a body
This is what I already talk about. Be grateful for existing, be grateful for the work that your body does just to keep you alive! Slowly but surely this gratitude leads to acceptance.
4. Distance yourself a little from comparison
As a human it is normal to compare yourself to others. Although, too much comparing never leads to anything good. Why do we compare ourselves to others so much? Because for most, it is easier to notice the good in others than it is to see the good in yourself. Sure, someone might be prettier, more handsome, richer, more succesful, more spiritual and so forth than you but know that this is only in your head. Bring those people down from the pedestal and use that force and energy to lift yourself up to the worth that you deserve instead!
5. Stop commenting on the exterior of others or making judgements about other people based on their looks
Most people know this to be true, yet it is almost a daily occurence that we express how someone wears the wrong clothes for their body, how someone ate another portion of food.. just stop. Chances are, if you keep doing it that inner critic of yours will also never stop targeting you. Don't become that person who is so bored and shallow that their coffee break discussions only involve other people. Discuss ideas, news, the weather, your next trip, museums.. not what someone chooses to do with their body.
6. Try to seek inner validation more
The more you seek external validation, the more you will need to keep seeking! It will become an endless void to fill. Turn inwards instead and start noticing how you being happy will effect your entire life in a positive manner.
Hopefully this helps someone or gives someone some insight 💎🦄🎀💖❤
Lots of love,