Failure is probably my worst nightmare. But I realized that it's kind of okay, even though I'll never admit it again. It doesn't feel great when something doesn't turn out the way you wanted it to but later, when you do succeed, it feels so much better than if everything always turns out the way you want them to. Then it's something you expect. It feels worse when you do "fail". Because everything always goes wrong somehow. I guess all I wanted to say was that failure is kind of good? if you take a look at what you did wrong and fix it, instead of wallow in self-pity. Which I tend to do.

To everything always going wrong. //Love J

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Sometimes I want to get away from here. Not forever but for a while. I know running from your problems doesn't work but it seems so much easier than actually facing them. I would like to do something new, like travel or move. I wanna try living, working and going to school somewhere else. Somewhere I don't know like the back of my hand. Somewhere I haven't lived my entire life.

College seems cool but really expensive. To live in a dorm with a stranger, that's something I definitely haven't done before. I want changes and I know I can't just write that it's something I want. I have to do something about it.

A future Yale student... Yeah right.. //Love J

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When I think about a guilty pleasure I don't actually think of things that makes me guilty. I love watching Bullet journal: plan with me kind of videos. I'd probably say that that's one of my guilty pleasures but to be honest, it doesn't make me feel guilty. Can you really enjoy something if it makes you feel guilty? I feel like guilty pleasures are things you like to do even though you don't really know why you like it. If that makes sense.

I don't even know why I like watching bullet journal videos. I guess it's kind of fascinates me how someone can be that organized. I would really like to try it out someday but I feel like it would take too much time.

//Love J

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How come people change? Maybe they don't. Maybe it's just your perception of them that does. I don't understand how someone can go from being your hero to someone you don't want to know. It feels like one second your lying next to each other in the snow, throwing snowballs at the window and the next you don't understand how they could possibly do something so horrible. You're wondering if it's something they've always been capable of doing.

Suddenly, you don't know what's real and what isn't. You're questioning if everything has been a lie and for how long. What's even worse, they don't understand what they did wrong and they keep doing it and you want them out of your life. For a while at least, so you can process and think about it. You feel as if you have to be strong because there's people they hurt even more than they hurt you. You don't want to let anyone down, so you keep listening and you keep hurting.

A bit dramatic maybe? //Love J

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Love is weird. I feel like everyone has been taught that love is passionate and should come from your heart. If you follow your heart you'll find love and all that. But really, it's a chemical in your brain. Love has a chemical formula and can literally be created in a lab. I just find that so weird.

I once read, that when we fall in love it's like chemical explosions in our brains. I have to admit, that's sound a lot cooler than the heart thingy. Still really weird though. Cool but weird.

Lol (lots of love, of course) //Love J

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I don't particularly like to write but I guess that's what I'll be doing here. I have a lot of words floating around in my head and sometimes it's nice to see them on "paper". We'll just have to see how this goes.. hopefully I'll improve my writing skills. At least it's a good way to get your thoughts straight, which is something I really need right now.

Until next time I guess. //Love J

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