It's almost weird to say, but I have yet to really have a valentine and celebrate it! Last year my man and I were together but I was away in Sweden with my friend so I don't really include that ;) This valentines was perfect! I was able to enjoy my morning with some much needed me time and when it was time for my man to get off work I was so ready to be in his arms. He walked home from his job downtown and surprised me with a HUGE Orchid in his arms. My heart was immediately warm, then to top it off he had some coffee brownies from Trader Joes that has now turned into my guilty pleasure. I literally ate all of them that night. And then to top it off even more, he got us a couples massage. I am spoiled to say the least. It ended in the best way, we spent in with movies and a home cooked meal.

After Valentines I went into the weekend having it off and that to me is so rare, it's honestly kind of bad. With my change of dosage on my anxiety medication I was out, meaning the couch was my best friend. Saturday, my man and I went out for brunch to this place called Wild Root. Thing about my boyfriend is.... he's vegan. Hats off to him but I just do not have that much discipline right now haha. Wild Roots is one of his favorite places in Boise. And lets just say it did not disappoint on the food level. I had this amazing avocado toast with sunny side up eggs. It was delicious!

I have not done brunch in so long and realized how much I don't appreciate the principle of brunch! It was so nice for me to wake up in my own mind's time. And then to enjoy getting ready and walk over for brunch, how nice!!!

my amazing brunch! And oh, the tasty vegan rosemary lemon shortbread with my coconut chai(:

I also HAD to share these photos above that I took in our Capitol Building. The Capitol Building is right between our apartment and downtown Boise, so it's become one of those shortcuts. But we surprised by the gorgeous American Flag hanging!

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For the past couple weeks I've been having a tight chest and a hard time breathing. Since I already deal with anxiety, I truly believed it was something unrelated. I know what my anxiety attacks feel like and this was something different. So on my Thursday morning I went to the doctor after my psych appointment. Doctor pretty much told me that my body was under major anxiety; more of a state of anxiety and not an anxiety attack. So pretty much that's great. I was frustrated, just another thing to add to my plate right now. The doctor suggested some things to hopefully fix it and also stated I need to take a week off and lay low if possible. Ya, uhm who can take a week off just to lay low now days?? Not me!

Perfectly, I had Friday-Sunday off. I was excited! I figured I would take this time to do whatever I wanted. I had plans to party hard Saturday night with friends and then who knows what! The weekend was all mine!

Life had other plans.... I was glued to the couch all Friday after my therapy appointment. In and out of sleep all day, and all night. Then Saturday came and well, I laid around all day. I was able to checkoff some of my to do list using my computer, which made me feel like I didn't just totally waste my day. Then I got myself ready for the night out celebrating a friends birthday.... like two hours later I had to bail. :( I was about to fall asleep in the bar! But seriously how?? I had slept on and off on my couch for the past two days!!! Annoyed I went home and crashed. I did get some pictures to prove I went out! Sunday came around and I just chilled AGAIN with The Office, on repeat. I was zapped mentally and physically. I tried to push myself to get out of the house and meet up with my parents but as much as I wanted, my body was stuck to the couch.

Then came Monday, today... and I started a super good (and my first) audio book and also started The Master of None series. If you have not watched Master of None, YOU NEED TO! It is SO good! I watched it all today! hahah and then to go with that series, the audio book I started is Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. My day was filled with Aziz Ansari. And I think it was the perfect audiobook to start with. I highly recommend the book. And if you're not into audiobooks, there is a hardcover version! If you're willing to give the audiobook a try, your first audibook is free on Amazon with Prime!

To not get down on myself for such a lazy weekend I reminded myself that I did need to lay low and my body made sure of it. And when medication changes happen, I always need to give myself some grace. 

If you have any good audibook suggestions or Netflix watches, let me know!!!(:

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So a little bit ago I had blogged about being hit over the head with somethings in life. I was very vague because I didn't know how much I really wanted to share. But in the process of things I have come to really try to own whats been going on and not feel shameful of it. Also while researching things I found a lot of amazing people who talk out about their situations, which really encouraged me. So with having a blog about self love and having 2018 a year to be about self love I decided I want to work on sharing my story..

Back in August I lost my dog and that was where my journey really started to explode. Before Jake passing I had been dealing with some things and thought I had them all good. Now I know the importance of dealing with things correctly. This explosion was everything in my mind coming forth strong. Mental Health, definitely not to be put off as not important. Anyways, I was diagnosed this last fall with PTSD and major Anxiety and a couple of other things to tag along. I took it as a huge defeat, when I should've really taken the diagnoses as a victory in the healing process. Since then I have gone through some self testing and not fun experiences. From experiencing medications really for the first time to having to deal with things I had tried to put away.

Now a couple months later from getting the help I needed the sun is starting to shine again. In the back of my head I definitely have the fear that when I have a good day I don't know how long it will stay. Which honestly has been kind of good. It has taught me to appreciate the simple things and take advantage of the good days.

The journey through Mental Health is no easy one and needs a ton of support. I am lucky to having an amazing family that has been a huge support and encouragement to me. And researching more on the things I am dealing with has been something that I couldn't do with out. Mental Health is something I have found to be a very lonely world. No one else is in that mind of yours and can understand the moments you're having. But when I found others dealing with similar things and sharing their life I began to feel a lot less alone. Our mind has such a strong will of it's own. And with researching things, it began to make more sense for me and I felt more stable and hopeful in the situations, not so alone.

So to end this all I am going to be sharing a lot more of my journey on here and would love to hear from people who are going through their very own situation. Cheers to happy and goofy days(:

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Here are some videos I've watched this week that have given me a lot of inspiration and encouragement! Hope these inspire you!

Being someone who deals with anxiety I found this video to be quite encouraging. Anxiety is such a big thing in our world now days that it's nice to hear how someone else is dealing with their anxiety and their stories. @katrinberndt

With my man and I talking about getting a Frenchi this year we watch so many videos on them. And this one has been by far my favorite and also quite informative.

This girl just opens up and shares her world inside her mind and I love it!

This year I joined the bandwagon of Bullet Journaling and I found this girl who does one that I absolutely LOVE! I started following her on all social media haha... Take a look at what she has, shes very creative! @rrrroarrrr

Here is another one cause I love love Flamingos and anything paradise feel!

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A friend of mine told me about this whole Bullet Journal thing that's taking over every girl's life. I looked into it and instantly thought about how it could be such a cool thing to have with the year of Self Love. I could look back and see how far I've come in a year. I could also use it to track things and push myself. I was so on board, the next day of talking with my friend about it I went and bought my own journal.

Being so excited I started right away.... I can already see how much the beginning of this journal will be different from the end. Here are a few of my pages I have already decided on for the year 12 NEW THINGS, 12 QUOTES FOR THE YEAR, FUTURE LOGS, 2018 GOALS, and a SAVINGS GOAL. For January I've done ONE LINE A DAY, HABIT TRACKER, BOOKS OF JANUARY, SELF LOVE PAGE, RANDOMS OF JANUARY, a couple , and JANUARY'S MOST PLAYED  (songs). This journal I think is such a cool way to push one's creativity. It will definitely be a challenge for me to stick to the one journal allll year but I think I got it. I determined to not have this journal end up with the rest of my unfinished ones.

a little view of my bullet journal

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Back after a month of silence. December was a very interesting month for me emotionally and mentally. It was far from an easy one. But I came out on the other side. I tried to write something every day but my thoughts were too dark as some would say or too personal. I needed a month to myself. But now that month is done and I am back on this, full force.

In 2017, I learned a lot about myself. I thought how I was dealing with life was one hundred and ten the best way for me. But instead it was the opposite. After loosing my dog in August I hit a hard place. If I am being honest with myself, I feel like I kind of knew it was coming. I ended my year feeling really down about where I was. Towards the end of December I realized I really needed to start focusing on myself and embracing me. I am reading this super awesome book I got for Christmas and the author writes about how we are all responsible for how we move forward with life after hard times. That we have the choice, everything in our life is our choice.

So I did not necessarily make a New Year's Resolution, but I most definitely chose to make a promise to myself to start to really love myself. To focus on being me and overcoming the obstacles of 2017. For 2018, I am choosing happiness to the best of my ability, I am selfishly choosing myself, I am choosing life and new experiences, and I am choosing to love the most amazing man. I feel like 2018 can't really go wrong when the choice is mine to make. 

 So cheers to 2018!!


This is the awesome book that I am currently reading (:

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This past weekend could not have been better weather. The sun was out, blue skies and it was a tad bit warm. With the passing of my dog a couple months ago, my family and I had decided to bid him farewell on his birthday at one of his favorite places. The 19th of November he would have been 13 years old. He was everything to me growing up. So this weekend we walked out to a spot on the river he would run around all the time on my mom's walks and we gave him over to the river.

Jake was a special dog. He barked maybe once every couple years. He was sensitive to everything with a whole lot of spunk, which just made him all the better of a companion. He always had to see where I was. He wasn't much of a cuddler, but he always came to my side when I needed him. He was freaked out by horses, but almost everyday walked by the pastures with me. He loved being outside and went bonkers for his walks with my mom at the river. I was most definitely his pack leader but my dad was his best friend. And Jake was my best friend; the car rides, the dancing in the kitchen with him and all the walks. He was the most selfless dog; I always wanted him next to me as I fell asleep and he knew that. He would lay next to me and after I would fall asleep he'd get up and go sleep on the cold bathroom floor.

It's amazing how much an impact one dog can have on one person or even an entire neighborhood. I was taken back by how much love was sent my family's way. Card after card came through from neighbors and friends. The day we took my dog in was heartbreaking, but his farewell from his neighborhood was the best. A lady who would come clean our neighbor's house was always greeted by Jake. She saw him laying in the front yard and did not understand why he was not greeting her. When she realized why, her eyes were flooded with tears and she took a moment with him. And then a neighborhood boy who had grown up there saw him as well and bid him goodbye. He was Jake, the dog who did his own walk through the neighborhood. When he was still young he always came back with some toy from some random place. He was the front yard dog that wagged his tail and was alert to every child around.

So cheers to the dog that could never be replaced. To the dog that survived a horrific dog attack. And to the best friend that licked my tears away all the way up to his final farewell. Cheers to Jake Winthrop Pike.

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Life is accumulative; we soak things up as we go and then all of a sudden all the hits and all the burns can kick us off our feet before we know it. Sometimes we know what got us to the point of break and sometimes we sit there wondering how we got there. I saw a marble statue and I thought about how a block of marble feels all the blows and it hurts with every strike but at the end there's a beautiful statue standing with all the memories that created it. Sometimes the blows shatter parts but the artist always knows how to work where it breaks.

The past couple weeks have been trying, to say the least. I like to have things in control and managed by me, myself, and I. And this last week it seems like life wanted to make sure I knew I was hitting my limit. Things just seemed to get a bit unmanageable. I felt the shattered area from a blow that happened a while ago. It's a defeating feeling when life hits you over the head and says you've reached your limit and now you need help outside of you. Most the time I am quick to ask for help and get it. But when the help turns into things being out of my control, let's just say it's not the most empowering. I have to keep reminding myself and thankfully I have a man who reminds me that getting help is empowering; the help is what gets things changing. I guess I am in the part where the artist works with what was shattered, I am just impatient and ready to be at the completed spot.

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As we all say, new week... new me. I am excited for this week to be a restart. After fighting a cold and a busy work week, I feel recouped from my two days off. It was my father's 64th birthday this weekend. I am 110% a daddy's girl, so I took that for some father daughter time. I took him out to my favorite restaurant, Juniper, for dinner and then we headed on over to Pengilly's Saloon for some live music and drinks. It was so nice to catch up and just have some father daughter time. Other than that my weekend was not too exciting. It consisted of me wanting to be outside in the autumn air and blue skies. But with being sick and having very little energy after a small walk I was ready for the couch and Netflix. Lucky for me Stranger Things 2 was out, so my Saturday was all that. Today I had to push myself to get up and put my adult pants on. I had all the chores and errands I had pushed off all week. I told myself I didn't have to get everything done on my list but I needed to make a dent.


...Kind of on another note.... I have been far from this blog since the day I started it last week. I jumped into it and then work exploded and of course I got sick. My mind has the hardest time focusing and putting thoughts together when chaos is all around. I promise I wrote something everyday to post and even pushed myself to get photos but in the end I looked and just saw forced words on a screen. So I am already saying Cheers to this week and me being on top of my life.... or well at least more on top of things than this last week..

Here is a little taste of the moments I captured this past week. A little peek into my days.

I am a person totally motivated by food... Even with being sick, my man and I walked over to Boise Fry Co. on Saturday afternoon for some grub and oh it was so good. This was the small walk I mentioned earlier. It was so nice and I almost wanted to keep going. Thankfully we didn't. A block away from our apartment, it hit and I was exhausted, and all I could think about was comfy clothes, blankets and Netflix.
My delicious vegan burger with curly fries.. mmm I am starting to crave it all over again right now. And a picture of what our walk looked like. My man immediately jumped on the train to point out how basic I was to take this photo, but it was so beautiful how could I not!?

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Welcome to the start of me taking on a blog! Here it goes, to all my randomness and over thought thoughts.

I feel like this is one of those things that I can think about how to start in twenty million different ways, but in reality the best way to start is just that, to start. When life gives me lemons do I really make lemonade or do I search for twenty different recipes before I begin? Sadly, I am a procrastinator, I'll sit on something for far too long. So here is to that, no recipe just some lemons and a pitcher to begin. Welcome and I hope my blog can inspire you!

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