2019 | Bangkok | home

I'm still in Bangkok but I don't think I will take more photos (however, I still have stacked a few posts that will come after this). Usually on my blog I just post photos with minimal text, this is due to me just wanting to remember the things I have done. However, now I just feel like expressing some toughts, and that is the feeling of "going home". Tomorrow in the early morning me and my brother are heading back to Finland, back to the normal life. I love traveling and I guess most of us do, however, as I am a thinker I also ponder upon why I love traveling so much. For me it is a escape from reality. As my past two years especially the last year has not been planed acording to my "mental" calender I feel like traveling makes me forget this! My worries about the future just dissapears for the few days I am away from Finland. What I also realise is that I am greatful to be born in Finland but I need to see the world more. I am greatful that I am from a family that enjoys travelling and so becouse of them I also have the confidence to go travel. The plan from the begining was for me to come to Bangkok on my own to get some "me" time however in the end I came here with my brother. I am very greatful that he wanted to do this travel with me as I had never been to this part of the world before. Okay but going back to the titel, I get very anxious going back to Finalnd. I am not afraid of the flight or something like that, what I am "afraid" of is to continue with my "life struggle". The first time I had this kind of feeling after travelling was when my family got back from New York. I was super depressed for weeks. The same thing happened for example when I came back from Japan. I know from my previous experiences that this will happen again, I feel it. One of the reasons why this happens is becouse I don't want to go back to my hometown, it feels to small. I feel like my ambitions and plans are impossible to fulfill in my hometown, even in Helsinki. And my plan is not to stay in my hometown, my plan is to study in Helsinki and then go abroad, but I guess the fear of not being able to achive this gets stronger when I come back to my hometown from a big city. So, I guess I have experessed my biggest fear for you and that is walking in a circle and never getting out.

Amanda

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