the demons they are there and keeps on fighting

To the ones that are still checking my blog from time to time. I have been really down , and was in a psychiatric ward for several weeks. Total 12 weeks , so long that our house changed the smell , I felt like I didnt belong there anymore. Horrible feeling I tell you.

I havent been in SL much either , very strange because I used to be online Alot when I am down. But I guess I was to far gone. It was lots of self harm , and overdosed on painkillers.

I got diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress syndrome) and Borderline....and on top of that me being Bipolar. It is lots lots for me to process

Maybe I am getting better now. I hope so so keep the faith ok I will start blogging again. At least now you know why I havent updated here and why I haven been online

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....moving closer, but can't seem to find my way to you
I'm still trying to

It is crazy how tired I have been lately , and I sleep but I dont feel rested in the morning. I get frustrated.

In SL people are giving me shit because I went back to Fallen. Bur Fallen ones is our home and the only place I feel safe. So please just leave me alone , those that have nothing nice to say about my family , just shut your piehole. FAMILY , they stood by me thru everything , even when I left.

I got some answers about that too , why I make all these irrationell choices. Why I cant seem to focus , feeling so depressed I somedays dont wanna live anymore. I get manic and become super mom...and super wife! Then I crash and I cant get in the shower or even call a friend

I got diagnosed BIPOLAR type 2

Reaper , my love and soulmate. Thank you for always sticking by me , you are the light in my darkness ♥



With every breath a new day
With love on the line
We've had our share of mistakes
But all your flaws and scars are mine

Yesterday we spent a few hours at the most amazing beach. The sun even set and the day turned into night before we left.



.....Let's find a place by the fire , sometimes I feel strange as it seems
you've been in my dreams all my life
It's a crazy world out there , let's hope our prayers are in good hands tonight

The love for the people in the family we joined became the reason we left. We are still friends and I adore them.

I am so lucky to have my amazing Man. He always stands by me...never questions...He just wants me happy

All pictures are made by me



They ask me all these questions Give me these lectures It's gettin' old

So many suggestions On my direction Where I should go

Been quiet here I know , 2016 was a rough year. So much happend to me in RL , and that had its effect on my SL. I drifted apart from my closest one in world.

So many times I got sad just opening Facebook seeing everything I was missing , ..and being kinda jealous. That went on for months and months. And I became so unhappy.

We decided to moven on from our amazing clan family Fallen Ones. We stayed in curse for about 6 months. We didnt spend much time in world...and I was finding myself again.

Logging on to Facebook didnt make me sad anymore. , it made me happy. I have everything in RL...EVERYTHING.

But just now , a few days ago we moved on , we joined a new family and so far we are enjoying it. I am looking forward to this new start



....I´ve come to talk with you again , because a vision softly creeping , and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence

Silence is the best word to explain my absense ...and now , I am trying to get back to my old self and just maybe I will be able to blog a bit.

I am in a very calm place in my SL life at the moment. Of course there are ups and downs. Friends drift apart and others come closer.

I dont love anyone any less , but my love for others grow. Some people you just have that connection with.

And my Reaper , my amazing husband , that sometimes is so bitter that I want to strangle him , but , He loves me broken , and I love him bitter. The Ying to my Yang , the sun to my moon



And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off

There are those days when I miss her , like REALLY miss her



....and I´ll try to hold my head up high

So.....those who know me must have noticed I have been on a downspiral lately. And yes , it´s been bad , and since I dont have any medication left I self medicate the only way I know how. Just once tho , and just a tiny little bit...because it takes the edge off and calms me. Feels like I´m on the outside of a glass house , looking in on those who are inside....and I want to speak but the glass is soundproof so no one hears me.

It´s hard for me to reach out so I get quiet...but that dont mean I love you any less




...I wanna dance with my baby

I had my first DJ set at The Church last night. I was so nervous but I think it went ok. I had so much fun even tho I was so focused on SAM and to get things right.

I feels good to get more involved in the family and helping out where I can



...and tomorrow was to late

It´s been quiet I know but I havent really felt inspired.

“There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore,
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.”

I didnt think that saying would ever have any meaning for me , it was something everyone else said....but. I reached that point in my life too.

I dont choose sides and try my best to be neutral. But I will never turn my back on my own feelings and about the love I feel for people. And if there are those that walk away , it is their loss.

I am a Fallen one from head to toe and I will forever be loyal to my family. I spend time with those I love and I am having so much fun.

Tomorrow I will do my first DJ set at The Church...omg , I am so nervous , I hope not too many people will show up *lol*

Today is mothers day in Sweden and I am so lucky that I have my family. My 2 oldest made me breakfast in bed , they had made me beautiful cards and drawings. I hope you all are enjoying your Sunday...tomorrow is a whole new week and I hope summer will find its way to the northern part of our country

Come here summer...I am ready for you...BRING IT *ooooot*