Social Anxiety 

Well this is a fun topic...

I have quite severe anxiety. It goes hand in hand with my depression so well. When depression waves comes and goes with different severities. Anxiety is there to stay. I can handle it quite well in a day to day life but when there is something extra happening it goes trough the roof. With small friend group gatherings it's okay I can manage that. But when there is people I don't know it not easy. If I have my support system I usually can relax and have a good time. But if i'm alone it is a struggle and I usually avoid places like that. I don't need a army with me. If I have one friend with i'm okay I can manage but alone it's too har to handle.

With those situations where there is lot of people I don't know I usually stay with the ones I do know and kind of blend with my friends and make new friends trough them. I have been the person who is the first to talk to new people and make friend very easily but now I make friends but not that easily and i'm not the first one to greed at the door. I used to be life of a party. The one who would say yes to everything and be up the latest. Now things have changed. At some point my social battery is gonna run out and I will sit at corner or go to a different room or even go home. I never had that before learning about my anxiety. I didn't know that I had a social battery and let alone it would run out. I am an extrovert so didn't think this would be an option. But yes it is. Im an extrovert with anxiety.

My social anxiety is worse at parties where I drink (I am 23 years old so I am allowed to drink) It's weird that when i'm so anxious alcohol relaxes me so I can have good time but the next day I am so sure that I have done something so wrong and I will overthink this just because I drank. So hangover is the worse state when you have anxiety well for me it is. Thats why I don't drink so often nowadays. If a have couple drinks it doesn't affect me the next day but full on drinking with more than couple will. There was a time that this didn't affect me at all. That I could drink and have a good and not give a shit the next day. Well things change.

Now small thing will affect me at work or even at the store. I will get nervous just to think that I need to ask for help at a store os my card won't work or something like that. So little things but for me so big. I know that there is people who also have this but I don't call anywhere. If I can send an email I will or if I can book something from online I will do that in a heartbeat. You won't catch me calling anybody if it isn't a must. It is the worst to call somewhere to make an appointment or reserve something. Noup not gonna do that. It's gives me so much anxiety just to think about it. I will postpone it to the last minute just because I can't call. I physically can't call. There is something that keeps me calling. The phone call can be 1 minute long or 10 minute long I won't do it if I don't have to. I can call my boss of family/friends but anybody else nooo not a chance.

I know those are so little things but for me so big. I am trying to overcome these and not let my anxiety win but it will take time and patience to over come these.


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