Hurry for ever after

Is it just me or is there anybody else who feels like this?

I have so big of a hurry to live my life. I am in a hurry to have everything so I'm blind to the things I really do have. Let me explain... I don't wanna read my fairytale as it is. I want to skip all those "boring" stuff and just skip till the end. Is it just me?

With that idea that I want to have everything I'm so blind to the things I have good and bad. I know this mindset comes from anxiety to just skip to the happy ending. It's okay to do that in book or even films (I know it is a crime to do but that's why I watch my comfort movies all time) have a sneak peek to the end. Well first of all you can do that in books or films but not with you're life. But why we are in a hurry to skip some parts of our lives to have everything. I feel sense of clarity when i take a sneak peek on the last page in a book. So then my anxiety won't kick in when I know how the story will end. But how will I do that in a real life situation when I can't look to the end.

I have missed some things in my life just because I was in a hurry dreaming how that day would end. I surely missed some opportunities because I wasn't paying attention to my surround's. I was busy dreaming how the day would end either romantically successful of having wealth or even Oscar nominee. Girl can dream. I am always dreaming about the future and skipping or wanting to skip half of my life in a blink of an eye. I want to change that. I really do.

It is so ridiculous that I am in a hurry to have a storybook life. To be married even when I don't have a boyfriend. Be successful and have all the knowledge behind me. That I don't need to learn anything and just be the best at everything. Have my own house, own firm of own my own business. I am 23 years old and I expect myself to have all that now. Just because I am in a hurry.

Within that mindset I have been little blind to the things i have. I have two different career paths that I could follow. I am also little successful with both of them. I have lot to learn but I have made a small name for myself with both of them. I am willing to learn every day and have more knowledge. Home where I live in well I own it. It is my own. I have a dog. Lot's of friends and a family who is behind me with every choice I make.

I hate to admit that I forget all of these way to many times: It's when I start to run trough my life like I am Flash, I forget these. I know that one thing that I don't have is overshadowing everything else and that it the fact that I don't have a relationship. I hate to admit that but it's true. We live in a society where being in a relationship highly looked at. It's something that everybody is supposed to have or even think about having. I have been told with early stages of my mental health journey that my depression partly is caused because I'm single. Thats why most of my thoughts are like this. And being single is a big deal for me, thinking about my own endgame. I am fine being by myself, a have always been. I don't need a man. I am ready for a relationship. But for the long run that have been a dream of mine. Marriage, kids and all that. That's why I think I am in hurry.

I have been talking with some friend who are younger than me and they say that they a age crisis at age of 19. Last time I had this conversation I wondered myself that why we need to skip all the parts In the middle of our story. Those little "boring" stuff aren't those the best part? Those are the parts that shape our story the way it is better or worse. Those are gonna help us grow to be the better self or they are gonna make us feel even better that before. We shouldn't skip those. Dreams are not gonna go anywhere. You can change you future and you're dreams soo many times but you're past. That's the thing you can't change so why skip things and not enjoy every moment what you're future holds. All the good and the bad.

~looove Lisa