Finding yourself and liking what you see

Sometimes, but only sometimes I get really pissed off. Pissed at the thought of you being happy, being loved, being missed.
I am a genuinely nice person but I can honestly say that I couldn't care less if something bad would ever happen to you. I may even do a little dance. Because anything you have in your life at this moment, you do not deserve. Any amount of happiness that you should feel from that point, and for the rest of your life should be cancelled out. Like, 'Sorry, no such feeling reserved for you'.
Truth be told, most of all I'm pissed off at myself for not doing anything about it. But what could I have done?

I just want to be able to move on. (Does that ever really happen?)
I just want all my pieces put back to together once and for all.

Gillar

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